pretty minor, but it is in the co cs document ...

HisChamaoleGirl

DH agreement with BM is for summer visits he does not pay her CS when SS is in his care. This year we have SS for 7w1d. So my question is DH will have SS for one day in May. That's $32.26 that DH shouldn't pay to her by the co. Part of me thinks its silly and just send her the full $1000, but the other part of me thinks that its in the co and to just follow what the co says. No we aren't hurting for $32.26, but if we are stressing following the co for other parts of the parenting plan, shouldn't this be part of it? Thoughts ?

mom2one

This kind of thing is why many blended family situations are full of contention and misery.

bosoxy

It's not worth it.  This in my mind has nothing to do with sticking to the CO, but sticking it to BM.  If you are trying to show that you support and follow the CO, then do so in cases of visitation on the proper days and times, etc.  But deducting one day's CS is silly.

socloudy99

A full moon must be coming because I agree with mom2one.

Pay the full amount for May. The 30.00 is not worth the follow up conversation. Is SS being dropped of at midnight on the 2nd or should you deduct the hours after midnight she doesn't have him. That will be 1.34 an hour if you need to be that technical about the c/o. 

new+tothis

MelRC117:

If you guys write the check I wouldn't.  If its taken out somehow I would let it go.

ETA: This is what bugs me.  You let go of one day, then next year what if its 3 days?  Again, just let it go?  A week?  Where is the line drawn.  When there are issues and things go by word for word on the CO, why doesn't that include everything?  You can't have it both ways. 

This. I'm a BM. Honestly, if it's in the CO why would she care that you deduct it? My only expectation of BD is that he pay the minimum outlined in our CO. If you do that then I don't see the issue. I wouldn't go out of my way to get $30 but if you're writing the check, I don't see an issue.

HisChamaoleGirl

wendilea:

I wouldn't worry about 1 day.

We've been trying to get DH's CO changed so when he has the kids for an extended period of time, he doesn't have to pay CS.  Unfortunately, the Iowa judges don't see it that way, so we pay CS and have to feed 2 large, hungry teenagers.  My grocery bill triples when the 2 of them are here. 

This wasn't something a judge ordered, but something BM and DH agreed to. She kept saying CS was for supporting SS and she should get it bc she is the one feeding him ... which is true. But with her making that point it applied to us in the summer as well. Last year it was three days she didn't get paid for so I'm thinking one day wont seem silly to her, but drafting the email to her explaining it makes me feel silly.

HisChamaoleGirl

bosoxy:

It's not worth it.  This in my mind has nothing to do with sticking to the CO, but sticking it to BM.  If you are trying to show that you support and follow the CO, then do so in cases of visitation on the proper days and times, etc.  But deducting one day's CS is silly.

While I agree with some points of your post, I don't think its "sticking it to BM" when the wording of CS is what her and DH agreed to. They agreed to the CS amount, when and how it was to be paid, not a judge.

socloudy99

Also I am crabby today so I was being a b%tch in my answer.  Sorry!

My honest answer is I would pay the full amount for May. I also don't like the no c/s when child is with the NCP even if it is for an extended visit. I think it promotes a CP to try and withhold visitation because it really is related to $.

HisChamaoleGirl

MelRC117:

If you guys write the check I wouldn't.  If its taken out somehow I would let it go.

ETA: This is what bugs me.  You let go of one day, then next year what if its 3 days?  Again, just let it go?  A week?  Where is the line drawn.  When there are issues and things go by word for word on the CO, why doesn't that include everything?  You can't have it both ways. 

Your bolded is exactly why I am confused on how to approach it...

And to answer the first part, DH transfers 80% on the first and 20% on the fifteenth of the month into BMs account.

fellesferie

As someone who receives CS, I don't think you'd be wrong either way. I would not want to go to the hassle of having the conversation with her and potentially changing an automatic bank transfer and whatever else. But that's me.

What I think would make sense is to round up or down for the week, ie if you had him 3 days you pay and if you have him 4 days (the majority of the week) you don't. That way you can set a precedent and do it the same way every year.

But as I said, I don't think you're wrong either way. 

HisChamaoleGirl

socloudy99:

Also I am crabby today so I was being a b%tch in my answer.  Sorry!

My honest answer is I would pay the full amount for May. I also don't like the no c/s when child is with the NCP even if it is for an extended visit. I think it promotes a CP to try and withhold visitation because it really is related to $.

b%tchy or honest, I appreciate the opinion either way.

I understand the pov that everyone is posting, but its not a vengeful move on the CP part bc the way of paying cs during visits was agreed to by both parties. DH only has every other Christmas break and a portion of summer and whenever he is in the town SS lives. Not paying CS only applies to the extended summer trips and the way the CO is worded there isn't really a way for BM to withhold visits ( one week after he gets out of school to two weeks before he goes back to school).

I do appreciate all of the opinions tho.

Ginlyn0

I would leave it. I mean has there ever been a day you didn't get SS when you should have and not made it up due to your distance? I just don't see 1 day as something worth the potential argument over.

We stil pay CS during the month we have all 3 of my SKs even though they pretty much double our grocery/water/electric bills for the month.

HisChamaoleGirl

gin9874:

I would leave it. I mean has there ever been a day you didn't get SS when you should have and not made it up due to your distance?

Well, there are some years (thanks to deployments) that DH didn't get every day during summer, but once he returned he would go to Guam to spend time with SS. BM always allowed him to pick him up from school and spend time rather than just sticking to the eowe that is outlined in the co for when DH is on island. Hmmm, I guess that's her not sticking to the CO, so maybe it wont be that big of a deal to not follow the co this one time in relation to the cs portion.... 

I'm beginning to think I'm wasting time thinking so much about this... I just want to do what's "right" but I see the line isn't so clear.

Karma1969

Most courts require you to put in writing the period that you will have the child and show why you should be exempt per the court order for that amount of $, and then the other party agrees that the child was with parent X during that time frame. It's usually retroactive after the child has been out of the primary home for that specified time period.

 

It's a lot of work for $40 or whatever the exact amount turns out to be.

hindsight's_a_biotch

I just don't think it's worth it. It's not even worth the time it took to figure out how much that day amounted to. I'd feel the same way if I were the CP or the NCP. It's $30.

hopanka

I think you should listen to your gut. You said you would feel silly explaining the day to her in email, so thats your inner voice speaking some sense into you. It is 30, is it worth the the thoughts, energy, typing posts and wondering all day? If you just pay it, you will put it to rest and concentrate your energy on something meaningful. Again, it is 30 dollars.

hindsight's_a_biotch

Oh and as for the worry, what about next time? Deal with that as it comes. Set a personal limit on how much avoiding a possible argument is worth to you/how much affects you and go from there. For me, anything over $50 is worth it to me. That's a tank of gas. And I'm willing to go to bat for $50 but perhaps not the full ball game. I am willing to go straight to home plate for $100 though lol.

HisChamaoleGirl

hindsight's_a_biotch:

I just don't think it's worth it. It's not even worth the time it took to figure out how much that day amounted to. I'd feel the same way if I were the CP or the NCP. It's $30.

Its not hard at all. $1000/month = $32.26/day for a month with 31 days. How is that hard ???

HisChamaoleGirl

Karma1969:

Most courts require you to put in writing the period that you will have the child and show why you should be exempt per the court order for that amount of $, and then the other party agrees that the child was with parent X during that time frame. It's usually retroactive after the child has been out of the primary home for that specified time period.

 

It's a lot of work for $40 or whatever the exact amount turns out to be.

This is not the case for us as the cs agreement is not set up by the courts. Its as simple as a click of a button on our bank account website that says "transfer funds," enter the amount and then done!  

hopanka

Well, it is as hard trying to look for a calculator or getting out a piece of paper and doing long division....so about 2 minutes, which is about 2 minutes too long.

HisChamaoleGirl

hindsight's_a_biotch:

Oh and as for the worry, what about next time? Deal with that as it comes. Set a personal limit on how much avoiding a possible argument is worth to you/how much affects you and go from there. For me, anything over $50 is worth it to me. That's a tank of gas. And I'm willing to go to bat for $50 but perhaps not the full ball game. I am willing to go straight to home plate for $100 though lol.

There's no reason for argument bc its outlined in the CO. Isnt that why people want detailed CO so there isn't room to argue later?

hindsight's_a_biotch

Of course there's no room for argument in the CO but see if that doesn't mean someone doesn't argue or get butthurt nonetheless. I think everyone on the board can attest to that. Emails exchanged, whining, passive aggressiveness, sticking to the letter (not the spirit) of the CO in future exchanges just to be vindictive, etc. Is $30 worth possible bad blood or general persnicketiness? Meh, depends on who you ask.

hindsight's_a_biotch

hopanka:

Well, it is as hard trying to look for a calculator or getting out a piece of paper and doing long division....so about 2 minutes, which is about 2 minutes too long.

Right? It's just not worth the mental energy and I say this as someone who signed a lease today and made the landlord put the date as tomorrow because half a month's rent is less deep thought than 16 days of rent.

Look, I'm not saying it's hard or difficult. Only that people get bugs up their butts so easily. If you want to be specific about the $30, it's your right to do so and I wouldn't blame you for it. I'm only saying that personally, meh. 

ETA: You should probably go head and take out the $30 though since you clearly want to and I think you'll remember that you didn't until you feel she's evened it out in some way. Or be cranky when she doesn't return the favor at some point. 

hopanka

What's your bank account number, Mel? I'll get on it stat

hindsight's_a_biotch

Dude, all I'm saying is I'd pay $30 to avoid a passive aggressive email from XH's wife where I have to take time to tamp down my irritation and craft a polite response in small but only slightly condescending words.

If that's not what will happen when homegirl gets a less than $1k check, then carry on. Or if it will bother you to have given up that $30, carry on. Either way is fine. 

Littlejen22

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:

gin9874:

I would leave it. I mean has there ever been a day you didn't get SS when you should have and not made it up due to your distance?

Well, there are some years (thanks to deployments) that DH didn't get every day during summer, but once he returned he would go to Guam to spend time with SS. BM always allowed him to pick him up from school and spend time rather than just sticking to the eowe that is outlined in the co for when DH is on island. Hmmm, I guess that's her not sticking to the CO, so maybe it wont be that big of a deal to not follow the co this one time in relation to the cs portion.... 

I'm beginning to think I'm wasting time thinking so much about this... I just want to do what's "right" but I see the line isn't so clear.

Don't get into a tit for tat then.

HisChamaoleGirl

hindsight's_a_biotch:

hopanka:

Well, it is as hard trying to look for a calculator or getting out a piece of paper and doing long division....so about 2 minutes, which is about 2 minutes too long.

Right? It's just not worth the mental energy and I say this as someone who signed a lease today and made the landlord put the date as tomorrow because half a month's rent is less deep thought than 16 days of rent.

Look, I'm not saying it's hard or difficult. Only that people get bugs up their butts so easily. If you want to be specific about the $30, it's your right to do so and I wouldn't blame you for it. I'm only saying that personally, meh. 

ETA: You should probably go head and take out the $30 though since you clearly want to and I think you'll remember that you didn't until you feel she's evened it out in some way. Or be cranky when she doesn't return the favor at some point. 

I don't think I've made any position "clear" in my posts. I am just trying to make sure all of the information is out there since a lot of the responses don't even relate to our situation.

HisChamaoleGirl

wendilea:

Won't he be traveling that day anyway?  Or is that actual time in your home that's 7 weeks and 1 day? 

I just think that with your situation and a BSC BM, I wouldn't hassle over 1 day.  Visitation is hardly ever an exact week or month, right?  What if you had him for 6 days at Christmas and deducted a full week - would she even notice?

Like Hind said, it's not worth the hassle of explaining to BM why the amount is less, getting a nasty email back threatening to keep him the extra day then, etc.  Remember she's not rational.   

The travel time to us is 26 hours and DH will be escorting SS. So he will be in DHs care for this day. Oh and back to BM will be 28 hours of traveling.

The not paying cs doesn't apply to the Christmas break, but previous summers we have had him for three days instead of one and when sending BM an email explaining the amount wasn't a big deal. I just sent the calculation on how I came up with the number and her response was "ok. thanks." At this point I'm thinking if everyone on here had the reactions they did that I'd just rather not deal with it or mention it. However, when we have him for all of July except for ten days she will only get "paid" for ten days.

StephanieLove10

mom2one:

This kind of thing is why many blended family situations are full of contention and misery.

Exactly.  Even considering it seems extremely petty.

HisChamaoleGirl

StephanieLove10:

mom2one:

This kind of thing is why many blended family situations are full of contention and misery.

Exactly.  Even considering it seems extremely petty.

I really don't see how following an agreement both parents drew up together is "extremely petty."

StephanieLove10

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:

StephanieLove10:

mom2one:

This kind of thing is why many blended family situations are full of contention and misery.

Exactly.  Even considering it seems extremely petty.

I really don't see how following an agreement both parents drew up together is "extremely petty."

That's my opinion.  Yours is yours. 

hindsight's_a_biotch

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:

StephanieLove10:

mom2one:

This kind of thing is why many blended family situations are full of contention and misery.

Exactly.  Even considering it seems extremely petty.

I really don't see how following an agreement both parents drew up together is "extremely petty."

And you wonder why I say that this is clearly what you want to do and you should go ahead and do it then.