The choice to move to DE

MJ14323

Hi Ladies! I'm popping in over from IF to ask a quick question.  When and why did you make the choice to move to DE?   I just had my AMH retested after our failed IVF and it is now <.16.  None of our embryos made it to day 5 for freeze to do PGS testing.  Our RE recommends moving to DE due to egg quality, but I'm just not sure if we are jumping the gun.  So I'm just curious on your experiences in making this decision.  Thanks so much!

ladyrader0227

I agree with moonaggie - it is a personal decision for you and DH.  While I have DOR - we thought I might have 1 good egg left for a long time.  We finally moved to DE after a lot of tears and discussion.  Only you can decide if it is the right path for you.  One thing that helped me feel better was articles about epigenetics - might be worth looking.  Good luck with your process!!

2MamazInSeattle

Definitely what PPs said . However, my experience was different - I never actually did an IVF cycle using my own eggs. My prognosis was poor, and our goal was a take-home baby. I didn't spend a lot of time on the decision or grieving the loss of my bio child. I got pregnant first try - and while I did miscarry (fluke umbilical cord thrombosis at 16w - not an embryo/baby issue, he was perfect) - I still have no regrets of going straight to donor eggs. My wife (obviously) is also a woman though, so we had no chance of making a baby together - I may have felt different if I had a DH vs. DW on using my own eggs.

The long and short is this - my hope for you (for all of us) is "no regrets" - being able to look back and not hope/wonder 'what if?" and instead feel solid in your decisions. I think the above advice is spot on. Lots of soul-searching and thought before moving forward.

Also - do some reading on DE - it takes away a lot of issues, but adds some others - so good to have all the information as you navigate the next steps.

 Good luck, and welcome to the board if you do decide to give DE a try.

Kaf8278

It took my DH and I a failed IUI, and 3 failed IVF cycles, a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy before we decided to go with donor egg. I am now 6w5d with our first DE cycle and
I am so excited. However, I had to get to a point where I was ready to make this decision. There was a certain amount if grieving that went along with it for me. It is a complex decision to make so I would say take your time and make the decision together. Best of luck to you!!!!

AmCheri

Hi there. Thanks for stopping by and asking about DE.  My story is quite like moonaggie's. 

We tried IVF three times. The first cycle quickly revealed that I'm a poor responder. I was canceled and converted to an IUI.  The second try brought us a BFP and a m/c. The third try was my worst response yet, canceled and converted again.

Then, we had a consult with my RE who strongly urged us not to try again with my OE. He said he'd do whatever we wanted but his medical opinion was made clear. I made an appointment to consult at CC.RM with Sch.ool.craft. We considered test.tosterone priming. And then I discovered some stats that made us realize that choosing DE was the right path for us. Our chances of repeated losses were in excess of 75%, and we just couldn't keep torturing ourselves. It was hard, very hard to accept that reality.  But we did and embraced DE. 

We're 35w now after our first donor cycle. Our baby is healthy as can be and we are crazy excited.  Do I ever wish it could have been different?  Sure, but that doesn't mean we made the wrong decision.  This is not an easy road.  Recognizing that you may have conflicting feelings is important, too.  Please let us know if you'd like to chat more. Take care. 

MJ14323

Thanks so much ladies! Obviously DH and I have many decisions ahead of us.  I think we are looking to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion just to see what another RE would say and what type of protocol they would put me on for OE before we take the DE leap. 

AmCheri - did you end up meeting with Schoolcraft? We have been looking at CCRM but I just need to setup the phone consult. I responded decent to our first IVF...just had sucky egg quality.

 

ceemonkey

Hey MJ, YGPM.

jcath

I can only speak for my personal decision - agree with the pp's that everyone comes to this differently.

We had limited resources and I was 40 and I really wanted to go directly to DE and not even try IVF with my OE but dh did.  I had a fine response but poor fert rate and PGD showed no normal embryos.  That was all it took.

One of the distrubing things for me and as I watch others struggling with this is I did have good quality embryo's and 5 were biopsied and one was quality enough to freeze at day 5 but none of them would have resulted in a pregnancy.

I wish you best of luck with your decisions.  Feel free to ask us anything. 

brooklynesque

I had three really disappointing IVFs before moving to DE.  And I'm a lot older than you.  You have lots of time -- so I think it's great that you're getting a second (and maybe third) opinion.  Using DE can be wonderful but I think most people are better off doing it when they're truly satisfied that they've exhausted most reasonable possibilities with their OE.  I did just enough to convince myself this was the right path and now I don't think I'll have any regrets.  Maybe the occasional moment of self-pity but no true regrets.

AmCheri

MJ14323:

AmCheri - did you end up meeting with Schoolcraft? We have been looking at CCRM but I just need to setup the phone consult. I responded decent to our first IVF...just had sucky egg quality.

 

No, we didn't MJ.  Once we made the decision to move forward with DE, we found the perfect donor for us less than 24 hours later. It just felt right even though the process moved very quickly.  Once our donor was screened and we decided to go with her, I cancelled our appt with Sch.oolcr.aft.   

LittleLady77

It is def a personal decition that needs to be made. We never did IVF with my OE. My numbers are just too bad and I'm already experiencing menopausal symptoms. They gave me about a 5% chance of success with my OE. We are all OOP. We just couldn't pay $16,000+ for a 95% failure rate. 

The goal for us was a take home baby and for me to go through pregnancy so DE was a great option. It makes it better knowing I won't pass on DOR to any kids I might have and the study of epigenetics in the donor egg process really helped me get there quickly. It wasn't an easy decition but I feel good about it today. 

angelstar22

Thanks for posting this question.  I'm also struggling w/ this decision.