Whose husbands are in the doghouse re: mother's day?

smiling76

Just curious if my DH is alone out there or what....

So my DH has been working crazy hours and finally got a day off yesterday and was taking today off--so I thought for sure that he either must have something planned or would just "help out" more around the house, with the kids or even let me out by myself....

But no.  He slept.  A lot.  He let me cook breakfast, lunch and even after I told him to figure out dinner, I ended up having to do it--late--which meant the kids went to bed later than usual, causing me less time to wind down before I went to bed.  I also had to clean the house, do laundry, change bedding for all, etc etc.  All of that while being sick myself--woke up with a horrible headach, sore throat and just super achey.  Maybe if I was vomitting I would have gotten some sympathy --HAHA!!

I'm more hurt than anything.  I've told him on several occasions over the years how important Mothers Day is to me as well as birthdays--and he didn't do ANYTHING for me for either of those two days.  I literally have had so many tears of this.  I know it sounds dramatic, but it tells me so much about how he truly feels about me.  I put so much work in to holidays for him.  We've even discussed this in counseling--and even after that, he chose to ignore it.  I know he didn't forget--because I mentioned it every single day for the past week since I went and purchased both of his moms (step too)--gifts and cards. 

He just doesn't "get" it.  I'm not sure why.  I make it fairly simple for him. I'm so low maintenance.  Literally, if he would have come home with dunkin donuts coffee and a donut for me--I would have been SO excited (he worked overnight so came home yesterday morning)!  Even more excited if he actually remembered which one I liked and how I took my coffee--(sad but true). 

My mom says "let it go"--but I can't.  It's literally one message after another with him letting me know he doesn't really care much.  He says he does, but his actions speak otherwise.  What would YOU do, how would you feel??  Or rather, how DO you feel??

tracy41

I would say maybe he doesn't understand truly how important it is to you except you mentioned counseling and all. IDK. I know how bad that feels, but I'm not sure what more you can do.

My very first Mother's Day I told my XH how important it was to me and how I didn't want anything big but something sentimental would be nice. I was thinking birthstone ring or something similar. I got a sobakawa pillow he saw at Rite Aid when he was buying the card. Seriously an as seen on TV pillow for my first Mother's Day! I ended up buying myself some Willow Tree mother and baby figurines.

By my 2nd one we were separated and he gave me a box of Milk Duds. Don't ask me. This year was my 3rd and we're divorced but he gave me a framed picture of my two boys which was unexpected and appreciated. I bought myself a new Kindle Fire since my son has taken over my old one.

It might be easier just to buy yourself something. Not as meaningful as being gifted something I know, but its really a holiday between mothers and their kids not husbands and wives if you think about it. Just trying to spin it a different way!

smiling76

tracy41:

I would say maybe he doesn't understand truly how important it is to you except you mentioned counseling and all. IDK. I know how bad that feels, but I'm not sure what more you can do. My very first Mother's Day I told my XH how important it was to me and how I didn't want anything big but something sentimental would be nice. I was thinking birthstone ring or something similar. I got a sobakawa pillow he saw at Rite Aid when he was buying the card. Seriously an as seen on TV pillow for my first Mother's Day! I ended up buying myself some Willow Tree mother and baby figurines. By my 2nd one we were separated and he gave me a box of Milk Duds. Don't ask me. This year was my 3rd and we're divorced but he gave me a framed picture of my two boys which was unexpected and appreciated. I bought myself a new Kindle Fire since my son has taken over my old one. It might be easier just to buy yourself something. Not as meaningful as being gifted something I know, but its really a holiday between mothers and their kids not husbands and wives if you think about it. Just trying to spin it a different way!

I get you--- and yes, I agree it's between kids and their moms---but when they are this young they need some help.   He sees what I give him (from the kids) every year for father's day---you'd think he would "get" it.  The only Mother's Day that I remember being "nice" was my first.  He wasn't in town--- was away for work for a long period of time---but when he came home he had a birthstone necklace.  I LOVED it!!!!  I did find out it was a lady he was working with that basically "made" him get it--- she is a mom herself.  So that was his only saving grace.  But since then he hasn't done anything. 

I thought maybe he would even just take the kids aside and help them make cards or whatever.  They were already doing crafts at home, it would have been easy.  I guess what really gets me is that today--not only did he take off of work for himself----but it was ME who had to deal with dinner, get the kids ready while I skipped breakfast and was watching HIM eat his, and then he was going to take his mom out to a nice lunch and bring her HER gifts and card (that I bought).  Oh Super Hero son you are.  So essentially she gets more (and truly is not in his life much)--- that I do as the mother of his children.  The mother who takes care of EVERYTHING for him so he can do his own thing, and that includes dealing with the needs of our oldest son who has some special needs.  

I've been SOOOOOOOOOOOOO stressed out lately--to the point of daily migraines and eye twitching--and he knew it--and I thought that maybe ONCE he would do something for ME.

 

smerka

I'm right there with you.  All I wanted was to be left alone and not have the kids ransacking my stuff.  My DH slept a lot over the weekend because he too has been very busy with school.  And until last night, I don't think he understood how stressed I am.  He walked in on me sobbing after I found my kids broke my grandmas necklace.  He did come through with a gift which were the things I asked for for my 40th birthday last week.

ive decided I need to much more clear about what I want.  My DH is a wonderful man, but is quite horrible at gift giving and is generally oblivious.  I too consider myself to be pretty low maintenance which I think makes it harder on him because he doesn't think it's a big deal to me.  Next year I think the conversation will start like this... Me: Have you made any plans for Mothers Day?  because this is what I want. 

 BTW, he didn't call his own mom until 8:30 last night after I reminded him.  Again. 

AZ123

He's being passive aggressive. he's mad at you for something and making you "pay for it" on Mother's Day and your birthday. Even if he says he's not, he is.

Go buy yourself a house cleaner for the day, take the kids to a family members house and go get a massage or something to celebrate mother's day the way you want.

la79al

I got nothing from my DH for MD.  He worked a double on Saturday night, got home Sunday morning to sleep 4 hours before he had to go back to work.  His mental health is more important to me than whatever he would get me anyhow.  He did tell me last night that he was going to stop on his way home Sunday morning and get me flowers but he doesn't go past anything that is open that early.  He gets a pass.  Not to mention that Sunday morning the kids and I surprised my mom (lives an hour away) with brunch with my siblings so that was very cool and again, probably more important to me than 'stuff'.  I do agree with the pp that since he has a track record of doing squat, plan yourself a fun day next year.  Oh, and skimp on FD. 

honeybee111

My DH stayed up late on Sat.  Which is fine, except he woke up Sun. all cranky and tired.  And instead of having some coffee or getting over it, he decided it would be a great time to take it out on me and criticize my cooking for the past 6 months.  Never mind I am 8 months pregnant and aside from 2 experimental dishes which didn't go over well, he LOVES my cooking.  And never mind I do ALL the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking except for a 2 month period in first trimester when I couldn't look at food.  So, he decides to bring up these 2 dishes that he didn't care for(one of which I cooked FIVE months ago, and then never again).  Not sure if pregnancy hormones contributed, but I got really mad and started bawling.  He knew he screwed up right away, and spent the rest of the day making it up to me, but I was irritated for about half the day.  And I cried in front of DD, which made her all worried and made me feel like a terrible mom.  DH knows he has to redo this next weekend, so hopefully it will be better.