Does your LO "hate" you?

rayray3383

Ok hate is a strong word and I know she doesn't even know what that means, but I couldnt think of another one to describe what it feels like to me. Let me start by saying I am a widowed Mom. My husband was killed in a motorcycle accident one week after I gave birth to our daughter. So it's been a crazy 2 and a half years raising a child by myself. I have a fantastic family who is a tremendous help. Here comes part of the problem. When we are with my parents, who Lilly loves emensely, she acts as if I dont exist. Which I understand. She's with Poppop and Grammy, she's as happy as can be. But she gets very mad when I come to get her or even try to talk to her while we're there. She'll say No Mom, not you. And try to swing and hit me too. Now clearly, I dont tolerate it and my parents help to tell her that she needs to be nice to Mommy. But it gets old being the "bad guy" all the time. Her father isn't here to take half of the "badness". I will also say that when it is just the 2 of us at home, she's usually very loving with me and we get along pretty well. So I know it's just when my family is around and especially my parents. Does anyone have any tips on how to handle her when she's mean to me around other people? She's an excellent "screamer" when she isn't getting her own way....which is another part of the problem haha. She's got some ridiculous lungs on her which is why I'm partially deaf now haha. Thanks everyone!

tracy41

How do you react when she does it? The fact you said she hated you even though you know she doesn't leads me to believe that it really, really bothers you and you probably show it when she does it.

I ask because I'm a recently divorced mom and a few weeks ago my son tried to pull the I don't want you anymore take me to Daddy's house card and it caught me off guard. He knew he had upset me so he kept saying it and I was really hurt, almost in tears. After he went down for his nap I realized it was just one of a million different ploys he had tried to get his way and he had managed to get to me. So after his nap when he started saying it again I just calmly told him too bad you're staying with Momma now what do you want for dinner? The little monkey had the nerve to laugh and say Ha, ha! I'm funny, Momma! and return to normal.

My reaction if my DS did that would be to calmly warn him if he couldn't be nice we were leaving and then if he did it again to leave. But he's only occasionally stubborn. Would that work on your daughter?

Edit: I also wanted to ask if she ever gets alone time with her grandparents without you. She may really cherish the additional attention since its usually just the two of you and just not want to share it.

rayray3383

tracy41:

How do you react when she does it? The fact you said she hated you even though you know she doesn't leads me to believe that it really, really bothers you and you probably show it when she does it. I ask because I'm a recently divorced mom and a few weeks ago my son tried to pull the I don't want you anymore take me to Daddy's house card and it caught me off guard. He knew he had upset me so he kept saying it and I was really hurt, almost in tears. After he went down for his nap I realized it was just one of a million different ploys he had tried to get his way and he had managed to get to me. So after his nap when he started saying it again I just calmly told him too bad you're staying with Momma now what do you want for dinner? The little monkey had the nerve to laugh and say Ha, ha! I'm funny, Momma! and return to normal. My reaction if my DS did that would be to calmly warn him if he couldn't be nice we were leaving and then if he did it again to leave. But he's only occasionally stubborn. Would that work on your daughter? Edit: I also wanted to ask if she ever gets alone time with her grandparents without you. She may really cherish the additional attention since its usually just the two of you and just not want to share it.

I definitely always do my best to not show her I'm upset, though obviously there are times where I'm just at my limit. But like you said she also has been trying different ploys to get her own way as well. And usually my parents will take her one night a weekend so she definitely always gets alone time with them.

klibby707

When anyone comes over, my husband and I get kicked out of rooms by DS. We finally figured out that it is because we start talking to the adult, and he wants their undivided attention. She loves you so much, I know it. I'm currently struggling with tantrums and hitting me. Hard when I'm having a baby this week. Give yourself more credit. : ) you're a wonderful mommy!!!

hoping4sticky

I'm very sorry for your loss. 2.5 is tough when you aren't doing it alone. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this, our DD does it too, I think it is common. We went through a hitting phase and she often does the 'not daddy' thing.

The one thing that I would do is have a talk with your parents. Our rule is that if you see your grandkids infrequently that you can take 'grandparent priviledges' but if either of the grandparents are seeing the kids regularly (we had my MIL with us for a month or so) that you need to abide by our rules and you need to enforce them. I would have a discussion about how you have decided to discipline and get your parents on board. So next time she tries to hit you have Grandma take her time out, and explain that we don't hit and make her apologize to you. I know that it is hard for grandparents to take this role, but explain that you both really need this type of support.

Kie310

I'm sorry for your loss. My son acts like this with us. I hear a lot, "Not you Mommy, Daddy." Or "I'm not talking to you." Etc. At this point, sadly, I'm use to it. I look him right in the eye and tell him he is hurting my feelings. Within a few minutes he is normally saying, "sorry", not that it stops him from doing it all over again. I feel it's probably a normal thing. Anything even remotely close to hitting or looking like he was trying to hit someone is time out. It is not even a little okay. I can't even tell you the last time he was in TO for hitting.