Sleep training

maven212

This will sound completely crazy, but is there anyone out there who isn't going to do sleep training? Stms in particular - I'm inclined to comfort my baby as needed. Is that nuts? 

 We went through 12 extremely colicky weeks. I mean 6-12 or more straight hours of crying hysterically every day for 12 weeks. LO is now 5 months old and I just get the sense that she needs a little extra comfort to get through her day. The idea of subjecting her to a process that would really stress her feels wrong to me - at least at her current age. I mean, I get that people use many different methods - but CIO, Ferber - i don't think i can do it. Even the comfort and lay back down methods seem rough. We've had a bedtime ritual since she was about 10 weeks old - play, feed, bath, read, read, read, on my bed until she falls asleep and then i transfer her to her bed. She inevitably cries during the last few minutes of reading. Lately she tries to feed while reading...so we've been doing that. She has been falling asleep that way.  

It occurred to me that you never hear about chimpanzees or other primates sleep training their kids. I'm not sure how they end up in separate nests, but it occurs to me that a lot of crying might be a bad thing...attract predators etc.. I mean, you'd think a fairly tearless method would be adaptive, right?

I do want to reach a point where she happily, consistently falls asleep in her crib. I'd like to drop my bed as the staging area....but I really want to do this gradually, with as little stress for her as possible....so I'm thinking of skipping aggressive training. Does that sound nuts? I'm so willing to take suggestions. 

 

 

 

minervacullen

As a STM I say do what feels right for you. She's your baby, you're her mom, that's that.
I've also had the same thought about primates and baby rearing. It's pretty interesting.

g8trkim

If you don't feel comfortable with it and don't mind dealing with a baby who is hard to get to sleep there is no reason you need to do it. DD is kind of a nightmare to get to bed. She will be 6 months tomorrow and just in the last few days I've started putting her down drowsy. She will whine and roll around for 5 or 10 minutes so I think it's worked pretty well. We haven't had any predators try to attack her or anything so that's a plus. I only felt comfortable starting this because I've seen a big change in her lately. She used to be so needy and could never be put down. Not that she has started trying to crawl and can get around well she's much more independent (not always but more so).

puppy_love6969

Do what you feel is right for you! For me, I get impatient and frustrated easily and I was tired of the waking every hour at night. SO, I sleep trained and my life is a lot more enjoyable during the day. However, in my situation, C was waking and would only go back to sleep with her paci, so the training helped me get rid of that habit. If you like comforting and don't mind being woken up then continue it, as it doesn't sound like you want to do training anyways. I mean, women lived MANY MANY years with no information on sleep training and they turned out fine

gnomemom

I'm mobile, so I can't see how old your LO is. When my LO was about 3 to 4 months, he slept really well and we didn't plan on sleep training. Then it just got progressively worse and worse, until it would take hours to get to sleep at night. Bedtime involved lots of tears.

We decided to try Ferber after reading the book and realizing we had created sone negative sleep associations for our LO. We felt he could emotionally handle it, especially since you start out with only 3 and 5 minute increments and build from there.

I don't even know that I'd describe Ferber as CIO. For us, it resulted in far less tears. I think LO is happier, too. I've peeked in on him at night and noticed he was awake, but he put himself right back to sleep. He didn't wake up crying, upset and helpless like he used to.

Every baby is different, but if you get to the point where bedtime is a struggle and takes hours, why not read a book about some different sleep training methods to see if one might work for your LO? IMO, it's really more about helping your baby to be happy than anything else.

gnomemom

Also, I'd hardly call Ferber "aggressive sleep training." The most he has ever cried at a time is 7 minutes, which is far less than he cried when I would swaddle, rock, and shush him for hourson end.

Now, I just lay him in his crib, kiss his forehead, and he closes his eyes and goes to sleep. I'm not sure it would ever have been possible to get to that point if we had continued to create an environment in which he could only fall asleep by being swaddled and bounced to sleep while laying on his side with his pacifier as mommy shushes him and the white noise machine plays.

ForeverEverAfter

I also don't plan to sleep train, though I'm a FTM. I've used the no cry nap solution to alter her habits gradually (to get her to nap out of my arms, and increase the length) but I don't feel it's fair to make sudden, drastic changes with a baby because they don't understand why the change is happening. I don't think you're nuts.

maven212

So she is 5 months and a week. I've been super lazy about setting up the ticker.

 Admittedly, I don't know what I want to do or should do. I'm very conflicted. I moved to a very new region when I was 7 months pregnant. Everyone seems to take a different approach to child rearing here than where i was living. The regional gov takes a very active hand in recommending  particular feeding and rearing techniques. I keep hearing that if I don't get her trained before she reaches 6 months, she'll experience great difficulties during future training...possibly for life. I keep reading that she should be sleeping through the night, but she gets up twice sometimes three times..so i'm concerned that i'm not helping her properly. As i am typing this it sounds ridiculous to me, but I'm very anxious that it might be true.

 On the other hand, I think the colic left me a little shredded. I'll need to brace myself pretty seriously for training. She was overtired and cried hysterically and inconsolably for a couple of hours today....culminating in a complete freak out in the bath tub when I turned in her new bubble machine. She cried inconsolably for 10 minutes while I held her in a towel. Then I cried. Then she nursed. Now she is asleep.

 I'm not sure 'aggressive' was the right term for me to use. I'm not very articulate these days.

 I think I'm conflicted because I'm not sure what will be best for her and I'm more emotionally exhausted from the old colic days than I am physically exhausted getting up three times a night. It is very possible that my hestitation to train a particular way has everything to do with my exhaustion and not as much to do with her temperament. Maybe it's selfish of me to not just get on with it. I don't know.

 Mainly, though, I think I'm confused with how to proceed. 

 

maven212

I should have said this before - thanks for your comments everyone. I appreciate the insight.

sbevmc09

We never sleep trained with DS and don't plan to with DD either.  IMHO the majority of babies don't need to be taught how to sleep.  If you support their natural sleep needs everything will work itself out just fine.  

As far as what you're talking about with wanting her to fall asleep on her own, etc.  IMO that's something that will come in its own time.  With DS we rocked him to sleep and transferred him until maybe 8-9mo, then we were able to lay him down awake and he would put himself to sleep just fine.  He started STTN, transitioned to the crib, put himself to sleep, etc. (all the big things parents tend to worry about) just fine without any "training" involved.  IMO the key is to wait until they're ready for it and and support their needs.  If you're trying to force a certain schedule or want developmental milestones to happen before the baby is ready for it, that's when you're going to need to train them to sleep.  

This is all JMO, of course.  But no, you don't have to sleep train your child.  Just follow your instincts.   

ETA: It is completely normal for a baby to still be waking during the night for some time to come.  Many babies don't consistently STTN until they're over a year old.  Also, people whose babies are STTN now may experience periods of regression in the future.  It's normal.  There are a lot of rough periods, especially during the first year (physical and developmental growth spurts, teething, illness, etc. is all going to impact sleep and cause temporary regressions), but they'll get through it (and you will too ). DS started STTN (not the textbook 6hrs, the whole night) around 7wks or so, but he would hit the normal regressions, we'd have a tough couple of weeks, then he'd outgrow it.  No big deal in the long run.  DD is also STTN at this point, but I'm not holding my breath.  We're approaching the 4 month wakeful and I'm sure we'll be seeing each other in the wee hours of the morning again here soon.  

JJ_13

Just wanted to let you know, OP, that I am in teh same exact boat as you (minus the colic - luckily, my LO wasn't colicky). My LO is not an easy sleeper - she wails if I put her down drowsy but awake so we rock/nurse to sleep and then very, very gently transfer to her RNP. We are going to work on the crib transition sometime soon. I feel very conflicted about sleep training and we don't know what we'll do yet. I do want her to STTN (she used to do okay at night, but for the past three weeks has been getting up multiple times... last night I lost count) and I want her to be able to put herself to sleep, but I realize it may just be too early (she's 5 months) for her to do that. I'm basically in the information-gathering phase. I'm just trying to learn about different methods, with the idea that I *might* sleep train in a month or two. Or I might not. I don't know. I'm not against it, I just don't know that it's for me. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your conflicted feelings!

sschwege

If it's working for you now, go with it!  I guess the only things that may make this routine harder later would be if you decide to have a second child or as they get older they are better able to stay awake.  I mean if I tried to do this with DD she would be up till midnight.  Trust your instincts though!  

peacelove&mama

Since you're feeling conflicted about whether or not you want to sleep train, I recommend doing some reading up on all the different methods and going from there.

I sleep trained DS1 starting around this time, so 4/5 months. I would feed him, then cuddle with him for a little while, and then lay him down in his crib and leave the room. He would fuss for a few minutes, then I would go in and comfort him until he quieted and his eyes closed. I kept repeating that step, going a little longer between comforting each time. In maybe a week tops, he was STTN. He wasn't a very needy/clingy baby though. DS2, however, is a different story. So far he's not showing that he's able to self soothe himself the way DS1 was. So I'm holding off on making any changes to his naptime/bedtime routine. For naps, I swaddle him, pop his soother on, and rock him until he's sleeping. His eyes normally open when I lay him down, but I just stand with my hand resting on his chest until he closes them again. That alone is a big improvement. Before, I would lay him down and if he woke up, he would immediately scream. At bedtime, I rock and nurse him to sleep, and do the same thing as naps if he wakes up upon laying down. I'm happy with our routine although I would love to ditch the swaddle, but he's just too arm flaily right now. I'm following his lead.

Good luck to you!

BrittanyDoesDerby

You should read the No Cry Sleep Solution. I don't plan on doing CIO( or any Ferber method) at any point as of now. You just need to evaluate your child and what you feel comfortable doing. Crying-it-out doesn't mesh well with my family or my daughter's needs at this point, and I can't really imagine doing it ever. However, I do like keeping a simple bed time routine that helps her know that it is time for bed.

ObLaDi

BrittanyDoesDerby:

You should read the No Cry Sleep Solution. I don't plan on doing CIO or any Ferber method at any point as of now. You just need to evaluate your child and what you feel comfortable doing. Cryingitout doesn't mesh well with my family or my daughter's needs at this point, and I can't really imagine doing it ever. However, I do like keeping a simple bed time routine that helps her know that it is time for bed.

This. I'm halfway through NCSS and have Good Night, Sleep Tight on deck.

I'm certainly interested in gaining some skills to gently encourage better sleep. But I don't like crying by myself, and I can't imagine choosing to put my son in that position.

Kingston54

We aren't doing sleep training.  When LO is old enough to soothe herself to sleep she will.  In the meantime, we will help her as needed.  No unnecessary tears here.

maven212

Thanks  everyone for your insight and support.  You've given me a lot of options to consider.  Thanks again.

cnispel

We never did sleep training. Our daughter, from about 8-9 months until now (almost 12 months) sleeps through the night easily. She woke a few times a night from 0-5 months, but that's what they do at that age. Their stomachs aren't that big so they need to wake up to eat. She only woke up about 1 time a night from 6-8 months. We usually rock her to sleep if she's pretty fussy, and her crib is in our room. I feel much more comfortable that way. If she wakes up, it's a quick step out of bed, pop her pacifier in, and back to sleep for both of us. Plus, I can easily see if something is wrong and keeps my mind at ease ... Everyone also comments on how good of a baby she is, and I think it's because she feels confident that mommy and daddy are going to be there for her and she doesn't really need to cry for anything! 

I also could not let my child just sit there and cry when I know they need/want me. You can't spoil an infant...   

Claude11

I also am not comfortable with having my daughter CIO. Her being stressed stresses me and I feel this is unnecessary. We also have a routine: bath, massage with lavender lotion, clean jammies and diaper then I nurse her to sleep in a dark room with music softly playing. I found that reading and lights keep her awake so we don't do that at bedtime.  I hold her and rock her until she is fully asleep then put her down. If shr wakes back up I try the pacifier but if that doesn't work I rock her more.  It's a lot of work for me, but I believe she'll be more content and happier emotionally from feeling secure in that I'm always there for her.