I feel so guilty

ctilley7911

I know every one says its not my fault. But i just feel so guilty, my husband never wanted kids and i did but agreed we wouldn't try. i though ended up pregnant and it took him a while but he started to become excited abt having a baby. Then at 30 weeks i lose our son. I am torn apart but seeing how hard it was on him to just stabbed a dagger in my heart a guilt of not being able to give him his son after he finally came around and got happy about it just kills me. i guess it will take time to get pass the guilt or at least mostly.

He says we can try again when i am ready but so scared i will loose another one. I still want to try just so scared. 

LuckyDad

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard that is for both of you. I hope you have seen that there are boards on this site with many people who have gone through what you are going through.

Obviously it is not your fault or anything you did, so there is no reason to feel guilty. It sounds like your husband loves you and that hasn't changed, and I'm certain he understands that. When the time is right I'm sure you will both feel ready to try again. Again, I'm sorry.

EllaBelle2010

Lurker here...

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby anytime is extremely difficult but 30 weeks is unimaginable. I had a friend lose her baby at 37 weeks a couple years ago. And she just gave birth to a healthy baby boy this past March.

I'm sharing her story with you in hopes that it'll give you a little hope in your own situation. You can still go on to have a healthy baby of your own. I'm sure once you and YH are ready your fears will subside a little. 

 Good luck with your journey!

Prime

I'm sorry for your loss.  Don't feel guilty.  It's not your fault.  Just because it didn't work out this time doesn't mean it you can't have a successful pregnancy in the future.

Just try to focus on each other now.  Give yourself whatever time you need.

Bkuhman

Lurker here. I am from both the July 2013 board and the PGaL board. I wanted to say that I understand the pain that you and your husband are going through. MH and I have had two losses. They were early on so while I can't know the complete hurt that you feel i do want you to know that you are not alone. The hurt of loosing your baby boy will never go away but I can assure you that the pain will get bare able. Give yourselves time to heal from this and to grow stronger to one another and when you are ready to try again then do so. Not every pregnancy is the same. It is not your fault by any means. Trust me, I blamed myself for the losses of our two little ones and though I knew it was all for a reason that god had planned for us, it was still hard to get through. Lean on your husband and let him lean on you. Take shoulders and help from family and close friends or if its alone time you need then take it. Also, remember that when you do decide to try again and see that you are expecting again that it will bring back some pain and fears but please do not let those cloud or take away your happiness. It is better to be close to a child you have or loose then to have not gotten to know them at all in fear of loosing them. Thoughts and prayers from my home to yours! Once you are ready you are welcome to go to the loss boards to talk with women that know what you are going through.