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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Halen0804
member
Our Little Guy due 4/14/13
overwhelmed by toddler and newborn
Halen0804
member
DD is almost 3 and DS is 3 1/2 weeks. I must have blocked out the first 6 weeks of DD's life because I don't remember her being so challenging. I exclusively EBF and did withDD for 13 months. It seems like DS eats so much more often than DD did every 1 1/22 hrs around the clock. He's also gassy. I'm emotional and don't know if it's lack of sleep or post partum depression. When does it get better? I'm considering switching to formula to stretch out times between eating so I can be able to function a little more, but I feel like I'm not giving the same to DS that I did for DD. Any suggestions or words of wisdom other than this will pass? Because how do I survive until it passes?
Our Little Guy due 4/14/13
This discussion has been closed.
Re: overwhelmed by toddler and newborn
One thing I am learning to accept is that you will never be giving the same. In some ways your first child will have certain things that you can't do the second time around. I'm always grappling with the fact that I don't hold DS as much as I did DD. But the second also benefits in other ways, having a sibling right from the start. DS loves to watch his big sister and thinks everything she does is funny. DD didn't have that. Plus DS benefits from having a more experienced mama, with DD I second guessed myself a lot, I am so much more confident this time.
If switching to formula will make life easier then do it and don't look back, though that's probably not going to help with the gassiness, but at least someone can help with the bottles.
Is there someone you can have come over and help you? Are you swaddling at night? That made a HUGE difference with DD. What about wearing your son? DD never wanted to be put down so we found that a Moby wrap was the only way I could ever get anything done.
I don't know what to say except that it does get easier. You are in the thick of it right now, but another few weeks and every day will get easier! Do what you have to do to survive at this point. If that means your daughter watches a lot of TV right now do it! If your son takes every nap in the swing go with it!
Sending hugs your way mama, you are doing a great job!
One more thing and I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just offer my experience. For me BFing was more challenging in the beginning because it does take so much more time. But now I think it's easier. I do home daycare, so I watch another 4 month during the day, who obviously takes bottles. I've found it's easier to nurse DS then it is to give the other boy a bottle. When I'm feeding DS I always have one hand free. So I can still do puzzles with DD, build trains, play dolls, even play catch. I'm so tied up with this other boy because my hands aren't free, the only thing I can do is read books and DD has to hold the book. Plus with DS there are no bottles to make and none to wash later.
I truly think DS ate so much more than my friends girl babies. I think it's a boy thing, but he just grazed so, so much. My friends with boys say the same and they are always surprised when they have the opposite sex and see the differences.
Gas- DS was terribly gassy at first but it passed around 8 weeks. I did cut dairy and any gas causing green veggies out, but did not notice that it made a difference. He got mylicon when I could tell he was really hurting.
If formula will help you, then by all means, do that. Hang in there- you are doing a great job.
The first 3 months is a hard adjustment with 2, but after that it gets soooo much easier. My LOs are 2.9 yrs apart so I can relate to what you are going through.
A friend once said to me "1 kid is a pet, more than 1 is a zoo". It's so true. Just go with it and give yourself some slack. Things WILL, be crazy but you will get the hang of it.
i agree with PP that if BFing is too hard, don't feel guilty about supplementing. I used to give DD formula just at night to help stretch out the night feeding.
When the kids were little, I would have DH or my mom take out DS #1. It allowed DS to have some special time, and gave me a chance to be alone and bond with the baby.
You WILL get the hang of this. Just take it day by day.
PS. My favorite book as a new mom was The Baby Whisperer, I found it very comforting.
PPS. As soon as your baby begins to get on a regular schedule, try to sinc the kids naps! That will give you a few hours of peace per day :-)
Having a toddle and a newborn sucks at times. DD1 was 26 months to the tee when DD2 was born. My first DD was such an easy baby, loved to just hang out. DD2 was the devil. She hated everyone but me, only slept in my arms, and never stops screaming still. But she has gotten better, it started to probably a month ago.
I wouldn't switch to formula personally just to get a little bit more time between feedings. In the grand scheme of things, it's a really short period of time that they eat so often, my LO is now only eating about 6-7 times a day, but I remember how much the first two months sucked eggs, so I can understand your frustration with EBFing, but just remember how good it is for your LO (see here).
It does get easier, especially when the toddle fully understands that LB or LS are just as important, and they can start to interact.
I'm new to this board and DD isn't quite 2 yet, so I hope it's ok that I'm posting, but I really wanted to reply to you.
I was SO skeptical of everyone that said it gets better. But it really does! If nothing else, it gets more normal, so you know what to expect. Your baby will start going for longer in between feedings, the older child will accept the new normal, and you will find a new rhythm.
On thing that I feel really helped my daughter was to talk to the baby out loud when he was crying and my hands were tied with her. The verbal affirmation to her (though I wasn't speaking to her) has really helped her with the transition. (Ex in case this is confusing: baby is crying, "Baby, mommy can't pick you up right now because I'm making lunch for big sister")
You didn't mention this, but I know I've had trouble with DD listening to me while I'm nursing the baby. She just seems to completely ignore me. I'm really trying to make more of an effort to get off the couch and deal with her disobedience right when it happens, whether that means continuing nursing or taking a break real quick.
Do you wear the baby? This has been my saving grace.
These past four months have been so difficult. There have been so many times I've felt so alone. So I just want to encourage you that you are NOT alone!!! You are so not alone. Go wherever you need to to find other mamas that have walked where you're walking, whether that be the bump, friends IRL, whatever. For me, I don't have anyone in my close circle that has been here, so I've found a lot of encouragement from the blog world.
Keep at it, mama! Your'e doing great!
It is overwhelming. I had the same thing a big DS that ate all the time and had a lot of gas issues. What really seemed to help was cutting dairy and these (they are expensive but easy - there are other cheaper options you can try) https://www.amazon.com/EVERIDIS-HEALTH-SCIENCES-Biogaia-Protectis/dp/B0069OL6EA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1368453323&sr=8-2&keywords=baby+probiotics I tried gripe water, but the probiotics really seemed to make a difference, and I don't think the gripe water had as big of an impact.
There is nothing wrong with supplementing some, I would start by offering some formula after you nurse. We had to supplement in the beginning because of jaundice and because he ate so much, I had a much better supply than I did with DD. I really struggled for the first 3-4 months, and then he was still getting up multiple times a night until 7 months, but he isn't a year yet and it is much easier. Well kinda, he is walking and a boy and into everything, but that isn't the same type of soul crushing exhaustion. Hang in there.
DS is 2 and DD is 4 weeks. I wouldn't be surviving without help from family. Do you have anyone around who can help entertain your older child? Or hold the baby so you can get a little rest? I wouldn't resort to formula, but can you pump and have someone give your daughter a bottle while you nap? 3 weeks is when we started using a bottle, and I'm planning to have my husband give DD a bottle for one nighttime feeding on the weekend so I can catch up on sleep.