STMS- what's it like having two at home?

nycnola

I am getting seriously stressed out by this. DH is only home for two weeks post-birth, my MIL is coming and is already giving me headaches, and I barely have a handle on my house right now with one kid at home! What has it been like? I'm freaking out. 

watermellens

ummmmmm it's not easy Sorry, but I wish someone had been more honest with me. I don't know what I expected, but my older DS went through a couple weeks of biting/hitting me as well as just overall cranky and not so fun behaviors when we brought the baby home.

How old is your other child? do they attend day care? Sending my older DS to daycare twice a week has saved my sanity. 

It'll be hard at first, but you'll fall into a new routine/pattern after several weeks. 

 

nycnola

watermellens:

 I wish someone had been more honest with me. 

How old is your other child? do they attend day care?  

THANK YOU for being honest. I am petrified. DD will be 3 about three weeks after the new LO comes. We are bravely/stupidly having a big birthday party for her at the house when LO will be 3 weeks old. We are planning on having DD go to daycare most days, even when MIL is here, so we can figure our lives out at home and she can have some stability because she loves her little school.  

KMLilly143

I don't know yet... DD is still going to school 5 days a week till the first week in June. I am hoping once she is home we will be able to do some fun things and be more into a schedule. I figure we will be making lots of trips to my parents and ILs houses just to get out. We will be going out 2x a week for swim lessons so that'll help too. 

I hope it doesn't effect her much. :::sigh:::  

brauchtm

I won't lie - it's a big time adjustment.  I had my dd when ds was 2.  dh had two weeks home with us and then it was only me.  We kept ds in his normal routine (daycare) and that was great.  He loved time away from his sis and time to play with his friends and I loved time to bond with dd.  I would say it took us about 4 months to find a "groove" and then things really clicked at about 6 months.  We still have our challenges - she is 2.5 and he is 4.5 now - but the moments when the two of them play together make everything worthwhile.  She adores him and would follow him everywhere.  We've praised and rewarded him a lot over the years for being a good big brother and he is amazing with her most times.  Just the other day, he woke early and heard her stirring in her room - but dh and i were still in bed - so we listened as he went in her room and said good morning. She told him she was cold so he went and got her every stuffed animal in the playroom, about 4 blankets and a bunch of books and then "read" to her until we got up.  I don't care how awful the first few weeks might have been - that moment made my heart burst wide open.  So I won't lie - it is going to be challenging - but just find somethign that works and keep moving forward - eventually it turns out GREAT!!!

iumegan716

It has been ok, mostly because DS1 still goes to daycare (3 days/week) and my parents' house (2 days/week) as normal.  His pediatrician recommended this so as to not disrupt his routine.  There is no way I could have had both at home with me when DS2 wasn't sleeping well.  Some mornings, I'd be able to sleep until 11am b/c that's when DS2 would sleep.  If DS1 had been home, I would have been up for the day at 6:30 with no break or opportunity for a nap.

DS1 loves his brother and is super sweet to him.  However, there have been times when he asks if DS2 can leave our family.  I think the biggest disappointment for him is that DS2 is not a playmate for him.  He wanted a 3 year old brother so they could play together.

DS1 occasionally struggles with me not be available to him (if I am nursing DS2) for things like bedtime routine.  He doesn't listen to DH and throws tantrums.  But, we have had a lot of luck with using a behavior chart if he cooperates and rewarding him for it.  

DS1 will be home with me beginning at the end of May (I have the summers off for my job).  I anticipate that it will be rough, but a lot easier now that DS2 sleeps more predictably and I'm not as tired.  I think it will be hard adjustment for DS1, though, because he'll have so many more experiences where I can't attend to him because I'm doing something for DS2.  

 

lkm2006

It's a million times better than I thought it would be. My sister has two that were 13 months apart and she said the first six months were hell. I was so scared and nervous but it's really gone suprisingly well. I think it helps that DS2 has been an easy baby.

Mine at 17 months apart and both home all day.

Anne Mommy

there are times a struggle but overall it's fine. DS1 goes to daycare 2 days a week which has saved my sanity. I have our doctor appointments and stuff scheduled for those days. I also try to nap those days.
DS1 struggles when we are holding DS2 instead of him. The best thing we did was to get him his own baby. He gets to change and feed his baby when mom feeds her baby. DS1 is 2 so he doesn't help much with the baby for real.

nixieknox3

it was a HUGE adjustment and pretty horrible for the first 5 months.  DH was only home with me for 1 week, we were in the middle of major home renovations, i had just left work to be a SAHM, and DD was pulled from daycare that she loved.  to top it all off, i had PPD.  somehow i made it through and we even went on to have #3.  

doremi29

I've actually found being on maternity leave with 2 kids (DS goes to the sitters 3 dats a week) easier than a working mom of 1 kid.  I think it comes down to how easy the baby is- the toddler is gonna be demanding no matter what lol.  We lucked out- DD is a super mellow baby at this point.

I had DD on a Monday and DH went back to work that Friday.

Elocin

I'm finally finding a groove and of course it's time to go back to work! My older daughter stayed in DC 2x a week. My mom came one day a week, so I was managing the two of them just two days a week. I'd say the first 6 weeks were really tough. I found find myself ignoring my older daughter b/c the infant needs me "more." It 's a difficult balance to figure out.

mrs.jenRN

It has its moments, but overall it's ok. I try to keep busy and found that taking them out isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Sometimes I prefer it to staying home. I was so stressed about it at first, because it seemed like when I was left alone with them for 15 minutes while I had helpers, all heck would break loose. That has been the exception rather than the rule though. It has been hard though, I won't lie. I have found the transition from 1-2 kids A LOT harder than 0-1.

Angela814

DD2 is really good with baby. She will be 3 in a couple months. She plays well by herself most of the time. We do watch way too much TV, but DD3 nurses pretty constantly, and I don't always have enough energy to engage DD2 while nursing. The biggest struggle is trying to get to DD2's activities on time since DD3 tends to need to nurse the second it's time to leave. Oh, and DD2 dropped her nap recently, so she's a super crab in the afternoons.

kgs0505

My son goes to daycare.  He turned 2 only 2 weeks before the girls were born.  If I had had a singleton, I think it would be much easier, but twins doubles the time it takes to do everything.  I try to feed at the same time, but it's not always possible.  And don't get me started on the logistics of getting all 3 out of the house.  I haven't done it by myself yet.  I'm a bit terrified. 

Anyway, daycare makes the work week easier.  It's weekends where it's tougher.  He acts out on purpose when I am busy with a baby or two and have no hands.  So far I have had people over most days to help out.  Once we are all back at work and everyone is in daycare, I will have to figure out weekends myself.  I think it'll be ok...

pitterpatter129

My BIL told us it would be terribly hard and that the chaos didn't just double by adding a second kid, that it increased exponentially. I will say that he did not lie. I feel bad when I kind of like the baby more because he's squishy and nonmobile and doesn't scream NOOOO at me. 2 is hard, but worth it and my older loooves "his baby" so much

amatistajoy

Um  my house sometimes feels like a zoo. Anyway, yes it gets exponentially harder. I tried to do it all and have my toddler home. I ended up sending him to daycare and missed him terribly. I would pick him up early though after he woke up from his afternoon nap. I needed that time to nap when the baby napped. LO started sleeping much better (0-1 wake ups) at 6 weeks RIGHT when I went back to work. SO I have done much better now. But DS1 didn't sleep through the night until 14 months so...I'm lucky DS2 is a great sleeper. 

diana.filipi

It was just fine 'till around the 3 month mark.  I have heard over and over now that you get about a 3 month window before the realization really sets in that the baby really isn't going back.  Then a lot of behaviors started.  Approaching 3 has been tough for us also.  The upside for me was that my DD chose to potty train herself about 2 months before DS arrived.  She wanted to wear diapers a couple times after his arrival but didn't actually use them and the novelty wore off quickly.  DD was 26 months when DS arrived. 

brinbri

I love this thread. DS is almost three and we are seeing so many behavoir issues since DD was born last week. I feel guilty that I am enjoying the new baby more than him sometimes. It makes me feel better to know that there are other people in the same boat with the same challenges!

jgoetz1

My DD was 18 months when DS was born and she had lots of behavior issues when he arrived.  Most of it was aggression towards me.  With pp hormones, I was so upset about it and even got mad at DH since she was mostly just behaving badly towards me.  We decided to send her back to daycare 2 days a week and now that DS is 2 months old, everything is getting much better.  I joined a stroller class where I can exercise with both babies.  It feels great to be outside and I look forward to the days when I am alone with DS and don't have to run around as much with my toddler.  I am very tired by the end of the week and look forward to having more help from DH and one of our moms over to help.  It also helps a lot that DS has been STTN.  Being sleep deprived in the beginning makes everything much harder.  Good luck!  I would expect it to be really challenging in the beginning, but know that it will get better soon.