toddler won't listen

CrunchyCracker

Hello,

Just wondering what you all do/did to get your 20 month olds to start following directions. For example I'm trying to get my son to hold my hand when we are out for walks in public. He will break free, lay down or try to run off. Any advice or tips would be appreciated!

Ms5586

He doesn't know what it's like to be allowed to run free (wow, that sounds really bad when I type it lol).  Ever since we started allowing him out of the cart/stroller/etc, he's had to hold our hand.  If he squirms or tries to get away, I tighten my grip and say "Want to walk?  Hold my hand!" (not so tight that it hurts).  If he falls to the ground or somehow breaks free, he goes into the cart/stroller.  A tantrum will ensue, of course, but he's pretty good at holding our hands.

memali26

Ms5586:

He doesn't know what it's like to be allowed to run free (wow, that sounds really bad when I type it lol).  Ever since we started allowing him out of the cart/stroller/etc, he's had to hold our hand.  If he squirms or tries to get away, I tighten my grip and say "Want to walk?  Hold my hand!" (not so tight that it hurts).  If he falls to the ground or somehow breaks free, he goes into the cart/stroller.  A tantrum will ensue, of course, but he's pretty good at holding our hands.

Pretty much this. The rule is hold mom or dad's hand (or for my oldest, sometimes the cart or stroller) or you don't get to walk. End of story. Neither of the girls is perfect at it, but they know if they don't they go in the cart/stroller/get carried, and after a while of being consistent they fight the hand-holding a lot less.

bluejetta

We use same as PPs though I admit we are poor at it and sometimes end up holding her by her good etc while she walks.  We need to be consistent in our holding hands or get carried/strolled.

CrunchyCracker

okay this is what my son does when we let him out, he'll throw a tantrum etc. This makes me feel better to know this is normal, we'll keep at it hopefully soon it won't be an issue.

dairygirl19

Get to her level. Tell her in simple but polite terms what needs to happen.

If she doesn't comply show her.

And consistency is important. If you do it once always do it.

And also, pick your battles, becuase it makes doing the important things that much easier. Kids seem to listen better when you don't dictate every little thing.

TiffanyBerry

Fairly simple, logical consequences.  Either hold my hand or I carry you.  No drama about the choice - the choice gives him some power, but both options are acceptable to you.  (Or pick two options that *are* acceptable to you.)  Choices don't solve everything, but they sure do help!

melissa0726

DD has been responding well when I offer her a choice.  I get down on her level and say, "You can hold my hand and walk, or mommy is going to put you in the stroller."  And then I let her think about it and say, "Would you rather get in the stroller?" (which I know she doesn't want to do), and when she shakes her head no, I say, "Then you have to hold my hand, those are your options."

It's not perfect and it doesn't always work, but she seems to understand this better than a "because I said so" type of reason for things like needing to hold my hand.

Like others, though, she has very rarely had the chance to walk with me in a store without holding my hand.  She holds my hand or gets put in the stroller, I can't trust her to stick with me.

blu-eyedwife

TiffanyBerry:

Fairly simple, logical consequences.  Either hold my hand or I carry you.  No drama about the choice - the choice gives him some power, but both options are acceptable to you.  (Or pick two options that *are* acceptable to you.)  Choices don't solve everything, but they sure do help!

This is what we do.

CheezeFace

Holy Moses.  Please don't judge me but compared to the other answers here I totally let my kid run free.  Seriously.  If you are looking for a bit of the in-between, this is what I do with little to no tantrums...

He is allowed to walk alone on the sidewalks, etc.  He is not allowed anywhere near a street or bike paths.  We've talked and talked and talked ad nauseum about the bike paths and what "street" is.  Any wooded area he has free reign for the most part.

 Every single time we come to a "street" (anything that resembles a street) we talk about the rules.  Those include: 1) holding mommy's hand 2.) looking both ways for cars.   As we cross the street I talk about what we are doing..."you hold my hand when you cross the street."  "We look for cars..."  If he is as sick as hearing it as I am saying it, I'm sure a seed has been planted.  We walk twice a day - before morning nap and after dinner so he's getting really good at obeying the "rules".  We've been talking about this for months, though. 

This is in my neighborhood or at the dog park.   I suppose if you live in a huge city where pedestrian traffic is massive I wouldn't let him run around.

 

 

 

skibunny59

My 14 month old won't hold my hand when out in public.  I usually assess if it's safe for her to just run around without holding my hand.  If not, than I wear her in the Ergo or she goes in the stroller.  Usually, if I let her walk and then insist that she hold my hand, then she screams.  If I don't even give her the option of walking, she is content being in the Ergo or stroller.

JWSchwarz

We don't make DS hold hands unless he's on unstable ground or somewhere busy. He enjoys the freedom and i'm not going to make him hold my hand unless there's a safety reason. When he gets to something above his level he usually stops and reaches out for my hand to help him. There's just no way he would tolerate hand holding all the time as he is very strong willed and independent at 15 mos. if he flops on the ground and screams i just pick him up and don't let him walk anymore like near a street or parking lot.