I hate being bitter!

ashk7

So I have to vent for a second, a good friend of my BIL and his wife had a preemie born at 32 weeks a little over a week ago. It was so nice to be able to really help and be supportive to another mama in a way I never had been able too! Well here's where the bitter comes in... Looks like he will be discharged in a day or two. And my initial thought was "oh that's terrific!" I am beyond thrilled for them! But then I got sad thinking about our 8 week NICU stay, and was bitter that we had to put in more time in the NICU.
With that being said, I know others have had shorter and longer NICU journeys and I am by no means comparing. What I am venting about is the bitter Betty feelings I still get sometimes! I HATE that I think those thoughts... I just knew you guys would get it! Thanks for listening/reading! Hope your all enjoying this spring weather, I know we are hence why I haven't been bumping to much lately!

BLPL101

I have never really struggled with bitter feelings until I had my DD. I guess I just didn't have anything to be bitter about. I HATE it too.

rcohron

When we were still in the NICU, a good friend from church came to visit.  She was very supportive and prayed with us and I appreciated everything.  When she started talking about how her daughter was born 5 weeks early and had to spend a few days in the hospital, I experienced the same feelings.  Our DS was born at 27 week and was obviously going to be spending A LOT more than a few days in the NICU.

Later, a neighbor was telling me about her scary full term birth.  Those same bitter feelings were creeping up.  But then I realized that a lot of people go through some really scary crap with their pregancies and births.  And sometimes full term babies are born really sick.  I think part of me believed that I had the worst birth experience EVER and that no one could have ever been as scared and traumatized as I was. 

I wish a could stop the bitter feelings in the first place.  When I start to feel bitter, I try to put myself in their shoes for a minute.  It helps.

brachysira

Yep--my ex-boyfriend who I didn't marry because he was afraid to have children got married to someone else (as did I) and they were expecting a month before us.  Instead we were 7 weeks early and they were 2 weeks late.  We were lucky to not have a scarier NICU stay, but we dealt with all night screaming reflux pain, stressing about milestones, and other typical preemie problems.  Theirs came out hold her head up, smiling, and pushing up on her hands.  I know if we compared, our LO would probably be ahead based on due dates, but it makes me crazy to see their facebook pictures of their baby doing this and that while I still wait for ours to do the same thing even tho ours came our about 7 weeks before theirs.  I couldn't lose them because they moved next door to us not knowing where we lived.  Some avoiding facebook and focusing on appreciating my LO have helped a lot.

PhillyGal34

I am the same way. I was never a bitter or jealous person until all of this and still I like to think that those feelings are limited to this area.  I know that any time in the NICU is traumatic and difficult but I found myself wanting to scream at people who told me they knew what I was going through because their child was in NICU for a day or two full term. I have to remind myself, like PP said, that we all have struggles. My best friend had her baby a few months before me and and he was two weeks early but her delivery was really scary and physically traumatic. it took her months to feel even close to normal. 

 

I am not sure how to get over these and they are something that I hope resolves over time but I am not sure. I feel like part of me will always be a bit bitter when I see a full term mommy leaving the hospital with her baby or bringing their baby home on FB or where ever. I don't wish this on anyone and I guess on some level I know I wouldn't change any of it because it is DS's story but I wish I could be naive again.  

caden1206

I had the hardest time with this for years.  On top of that people would make rude remarks like having a preemie was a blessing because I was skinny or didn't have to complete the pregnancy.  Honestly, looking back I had to deal with a lot of stuff emotionally after my son was born.  I felt bad for that because I was completely blessed that he was even here, but you lose as a woman a little when you don't carry to term.  This is also why it took me so long to want to be pregnant again.  I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but eventually all your bitterness will fade.  You might still feel that twinge of jealousy, but eventually your LO grows so much that there are really no difference with their peers.  The NICU becomes something you are proud of that your LO was strong enough to overcome.  And, eventually you are able to tell your LO stories.  My son, who is 10 today, tells about his birth all the time like it is a badge of honor and honestly it is.  What these babies overcome at such a young age is beautiful and they really should be praised.  Prayers to you, mama.  It will get better.

ashbee0223

deedylovescake:

I totally understand! As a mama to a 35 weeker I am always seeing reports of other 35 weekers who were "ok" and got to go home when mom did. It makes me feel incredibly bitter especially when other people talk about 35 weeks like it's full term. I hate these feelings because of course I am grateful O wasn't born any sooner or with more issues but I often feel alienated by club preemie and complete apathy and misunderstanding by club full term.

Ugh..anyway. I'm sorry, I hate feeling those feelings too. Of course we dont wish our pain on anyone, but that primal raw feeling of unfairness just never seems to go away.

Yes I totally feel you on this. I too have a 35 weeker. I saw someone post the other day that 35 weeks isn't much different than 37 weeks!

Sabs0629

I know what you mean.  I had a 28 weeker and we were in for 77 days.  It was a long journey.  I had two friends that were due within 3 weeks of me.  I watched as they had their babies and went home while we were still in the NICU.  My son will turn 1 year old at the end of the month.  I am definitely less bitter than i was 6 months ago.  I try to turn my bitterness into explaining to people how appreciative they should be and to enjoy it.  We are TTC now and I hope that if i can make it full term next time that it will help heal some of those wounds.