Is this realistic? Need advice from those with experience (babies/career)

marriedlady25

This is my 1st post over on the bump so Hello!

Some basic, background information.  DH and I will have been married 2 years at the end of the summer, and together for 4.5.  I'll also be 25 at the end of the summer and husband will almost be 29. DH holds a very good job and I am in school with 2 years left.  We own a home and are financially secure, only to be very secure when I finish school and begin working as well.

Babies have been on both of our minds because 1.) we want multiple children; 2.) DH is approaching 30 and he'd really like to be on the low end of 30 by the time we're finished reproducing.

So, the natural response to everything is wait until I finish school (I'll be 26).  BUT then my concern is I'll be searching for a job as a 26 y/o married woman with 0 kids in a career field that is dominated by men.  I don't want to get hired and get pregnant a few months later.  I'd like to have a couple years establishing myself without being pregnant/taking maternity leave.  

Sidetrack back to my future 2 years of school.  My classes are all in the evening, geared towards people who work part-time.  Would it be realistic/wise if I planned to have a baby for the last year of school?  My plan would be to do half-day child care so that all morning I'd have quiet to get my work done, have baby for the afternoon, DH comes home and takes over while I leave for classes until 9:30 PM.  While I know that would be exhausting for both DH and I, I also feel it would be great for bonding---alone time for each of us with the baby + weekends all together.  Also, while I never plan to "need" it, we both have very supportive families who will also want to see baby, so if there are a handful of days where I need more than the morning for work, or DH is stressed beyond his breaking point, or one of us is sick, multiple people will be chomping at the bit to lend a hand.

Another plus I saw with this would be that we'd have a routine down by the time I began work + we'd have a couple years of me in my career field before TTC again.  While I know it would be a ton of work, it would take a huge deal of pressure off of me knowing that 2 very important things to me will have been accomplished and the rest is left to just "improve upon" (ie-career advancement, more children). 

Am I completely crazy?  Please tell me your thoughts!   

FemShep

In general, if you really want to, you can make most situations work-including getting pregnant in a male-dominated industry and caring for children while going to school.  I work in an 80% male industry, and people get pregnant all the time.  It happens, and it's not a death sentence.  I also know people who were working full-time and going to graduate school with infants, and they made it work.

You're fortunate that you have family near by who can help, that's a big plus.  Half-day child care for infants can be hard to find in certain parts of the country; DD's childcare center charges for a full day no matter what, but they do allow you to do 2-3 days per week if they can find another infant to take the other days.  Keep in mind that a child care provider will want an established, consistent income (whether a babysitter, in-home DC, or daycare center), and they have legal limits on the number of kids they can watch at once, so non-traditional arrangements may be harder to come by.  Try to keep an open mind on the arrangements that would work best for you. 

linnae939

We'll see! I have 2 more years of school too and work full time too...but we're going for it. DH and I just dont want to wait any more (i'm 27, he is almost 35)...he owns his own business, so hopefully we can get creative with scheduling. Good louck with everything!

kcisthebombdotcom

If I were in your shoes, I'd work a few years out of college then get pregnant especially since you are so young. Pretty much everyone i knew who got pregnant in school did not graduate when they planned. They had to decrease their course load dramatically since they found it difficult to juggle both, even those who had family support. 

i also think it would be incredibly taxing on your marriage if you're working opposite schedules and only get weekends together. The first year of parenthood is tough under the most ideal circumstances-never mind what you're trying to throw in there. 

AmberJ89214

Like a couple other people said, you can make it work if you want it. The thought might seem daunting now for a person who is not living the situation, but once you are living it, it will feel like every day life. I had my daughter in college and did perfectly fine.

Let me just offer you this thought that is what finally convinced me to TTC baby #2 in my busy life: "There is ALWAYS going to be a reason why having a baby would be inconvenient." What I mean is, if you wait for the perfect time, you'll never do it. If you think you're capable of supporting a child emotionally, physically, and financially....I say why not?

AbbyZ5

As others have stated can you afford to do so? If you can, I say go for it! DH and I just started TTC. I am currently in school now as well, graduating March of 2014. We may not even get a BFP for awhile, allowing me to finish school before baby comes. But even if we get one sooner than later, I will take a term of school off. Then pick up were I thought off, allowing me extra time with baby. Rather than working full time after having baby. Anything is possible! If this is what both you and DH want, go for it! Good luck!

rjeller32

I had DD1 in my first year of college. I worked 2 jobs, did school and motherhood. It really is an adventure that I don't regret one bit. I also think that it'll be great graduating right when DD1 is going into kindergarten, then it'll be less daycare time, and I will definitely be used to having kids so it won't affect career options. 

Like PP said, any situation can be accommodated with kids, do it when it's right for you, because there is no "correct time" to have a kid, and you are never fully prepared. 

Eastie156

My .02 cents.

I'm currently in Grad school, I started back in Sept 2011 and will graduate next May 2014. H and I started TTC right around that time and after a loss, I got a BFP. I had DS in Sept 2012. Fast forward to trying to juggle a baby, marriage, school, jobs, etc. It's REALLY hard. Going to school before a baby was entirely different than going to school after a baby. Your best laid plans pretty much never pan out! The time I set aside for homework now is usually taken up by doing something for LO. 

That said, it physically can be done. But with everything, there are sacrifices. Something has to give in a "having a baby/going to school/newly married" scenario. Be prepared for it to be a lot of work, even with help from your family. My Mom helps us now and it's still hard. That said, I wouldn't go back and change anything with DS or how our lives have ended up.

My advice to you is try to finish school before you have your baby. It will really make things a lot easier on you and your H.  

SidraJedi

My advice would be to time it so you finish school right before baby is born then take 6-12 months before job hunting to take care of your baby.

Knowing what I know now, that's what I would do in your shoes. You can always find a job after taking a <year break. Employers will understand your choice to break for your baby between school and work. It will give you a chance to figure out motherhood for the first time without any pressure.

My reasoning is that school is very demanding and so is a baby. Babies need their moms so much in the first six months. Also, I echo PP on the bonding with hubs and how it can effect your marriage to have a baby. You need the time together to communicate and to empathize.

Before baby DH and I were going to go on an extended road trip. We put it on hold about three months into my pregnancy and instead DH started a small business. Before DD came I considered the he works in the day, I work at night and we don't have to pay for childcare and we still have two incomes. Now he and I have reconsidered that I go back to work at all in the first six months.

It is hard on us financially but it just seems like more stress than it is worth for DD and us. Maybe after seven months I can work at night part time, but for now DH needs to work his small business when he gets off of work from his day job until he can find a dedicated work space to increase production and DD needs me to be there for her and I want to be there for her.

Most women I know hate going back to work at six or eight weeks. I love working and I love being independent. I never expected that I would want to SAH. Ever. I still don't want to SAH for good. I think Ideally I'd like to WAH or help with DH's business but I just can't stand being a domestic only. I feel dependent and sort of useless (good thing DD is such a handful). Temporarily it works well for all of us.

Maybe just plan to take the time off and if you don't end up feeling like I do then nothing is stopping you from finding daycare for your child and job-hunting.

GL!