Behavior issues in preschool

macchiatto

I have 4y/o twin boys. One twin has been in multiple therapies for a year and a half (anxiety, SPD--mostly an avoider, hypotonia, perseverations, gross motor and fine motor delays, oral motor issues, etc.) ... and today I found out that it is the "typically developing" twin who is now in danger of getting kicked out of preschool for persistent behavior issues. The issue is that he keeps "play-fighting" and won't stop. He'll get better for a while and get worse again and this has been happening all school year. From what I'm told, he's never trying to be mean or intentionally hurting other kids but he just keeps trying to "play-fight" with some of the other boys, even though it's against the rules, and plays too rough.

I don't want to overreact because it kind of seems like he got off on the wrong foot with his teacher this year. (My boys started preschool in January 2012 and last year he was only in trouble twice all semester and otherwise got really good reports, and he still gets good reports now at Sunday School, My Gym classes, from baby-sitters, etc. Though maybe they're holding out on me?) I asked him today why he wasn't obeying his teachers and he said, "I don't know. I don't know how to stop fighting."

I have kind of wondered off and on if he has SPD too but is a seeker rather than an avoider. He's so opposite of my child who's in therapy that I'm not as sure how to tell or what to do about it. I also wonder about impulse control issues ... or is it more just that he's 4, and possibly that he clashes with a teacher who doesn't know what to do with really high-energy kids. Thoughts? I hope it's OK that I'm posting this here because in theory he doesn't have special needs ... yet if he's in danger of getting kicked out of preschool, I'm wondering if maybe he does need some extra help.

macchiatto

Thanks so much for your reply!

I think it's a mix of the physical contact (more that, I think) and the pretend shooting/repulsor beams, etc. He does tons of play-fighting at home with DH. He tries to do it with Alex, too, and Alex (my avoider) is finally more OK with it and Will has gotten better about doing it gently with Alex so Alex doesn't freak out.

It's a 3-hr program. They've gone MWF this year and next year it would still be 3 hrs but 5 days/wk (pre-K). The program does seem to be a good fit for Alex and I thought it was a good fit for Will until this year. I really don't know if it's just this teacher or the preschool program in general. Interestingly, there was a day when his teacher from last year subbed in his class with his current lead teacher. I got completely opposite reports from the two teachers. This year's teacher said he wasn't listening and had three TO's while last year's teacher said they're both such sweet boys, that she had a wonderful time with them and that sure he's rambunctious/high-energy but a great kid and not to worry about it. I think she thinks this year's teacher has overly high expectations for this age group; Alex's Early Interventionist observed the class for an hour this fall and had the same impression.

Is it a special interest? That's a good question; I don't know. He is pretty obsessed with superheroes and play-fighting, but I just don't know if it's beyond normal 4y/o stuff. He accepts that I don't play-fight with him but he's always bugging DH to do it with him. It's weird b/c Alex officially has "perseverations" (lions, the color purple, long blond hair, strings) and Will may be just as obsessed with superheroes but that seems more normal to me. He is usually in character as a superhero, he decides every morning which superhero (or Transformer) each family member is that day and will go throughout the day calling me Wonder Woman, SpiderGirl, RC, etc. ...

KelleyBean

How much time do the boys get in outside play in the program? Can your NT kiddo focus on tasks like drawing or painting without having to get up and wander or move around?

macchiatto

Thank you! That really helps.

His current lead teacher told DH today that if his behavior doesn't improve, he might not be able to come back next year. School ends May 22 so I don't know that they'd kick him out before then; more about next year. I do need to meet with the director, too, and see what she thinks. I know she has subbed in their class a few times. I'm really curious if she is as concerned about this as his current teacher is or if she might have other strategies they can try rather than just TO all the time when that doesn't seem to be working.

Lulobug22

Play fighting is 100 percent normal for little boys. I do not have special merds kids but I taught kinder and I think his teacher is just overreacting. I have a prek son and he's pretty impulsive and gets rambunctious at times but his teacher is the mother of three boys and isn't at all concerned. I'd talk to the director and see what she says. It sounds more like a personality clash than anything else IMO.

macchiatto

KelleyBean:

How much time do the boys get in outside play in the program? Can your NT kiddo focus on tasks like drawing or painting without having to get up and wander or move around?

I missed this earlier. 

I believe they get 30 mins of active play each day, plus they have 15 mins of free play at the beginning and I think more at the end. The 30 mins is either on the indoor playground or the outdoor playground, depending on the weather, or a few times a month they have a swim day.

She hasn't complained about him wandering around during those types of activities (not sure if the play fighting is sometimes happening during those times). At home his attention span for those types of activities can vary widely.

macchiatto

Thanks for the advice on how to approach the director. That really helps.

I should clarify (I just talked to DH more about this since he's the one who heard it first-hand), the "play fighting" the teacher complained about yesterday did include punching kids, wrestling, and sitting on kids (!), but she still described it as "play-fighting," not trying to be mean.

I don't think any of the other parents are aware of A. having special needs, though I could be wrong. She filled out evals for the developmental pedi and for the most part she has denied his SN really being an issue in the classroom, other than reports of times he's gotten upset about getting messy and not getting cleaned up fast enough, or melting down because he didn't get the purple crayon/sticker/whatever but that seems to have gotten better throughout the year. He seems to thrive in the structured, predictable classroom environment (though I suspect his issues may become a bigger deal school-wise when he's a bit older). Based on times and locations of other options, I think we'll need to keep both boys together and yes, finding 2 spots elsewhere at this point may be difficult. Re fit, I think as long as we stay away from Montessori for preschool he'll be OK.