How to cope with Mother's Day - add your thoughts/tips

BzeetyD

Mother's day is an especially difficult day to be struggling with IF and/or losses. 

If anyone has any tips or thoughts on how to keep yourself feeling good on that day, please share them here.

 

hootie123

Here is the link to Resolves suggestions about Mothers day.

https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/Managing-Infertility-Stress/coping-with-mother-s-day-and-father-s-day.html

 We are getting together with my Mom on Saturday this weekend for breakfast.  I am going to focus on what a wonderful mother she has been to me and not to what I don't have in my life right now.

 

 

BzeetyD

hootie123:

Here is the link to Resolves suggestions about Mothers day.

https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/Managing-Infertility-Stress/coping-with-mother-s-day-and-father-s-day.html

 We are getting together with my Mom on Saturday this weekend for breakfast.  I am going to focus on what a wonderful mother she has been to me and not to what I don't have in my life right now.

This is what I'll be doing too. We go to the farmer's market with my parents and sister and her husband. It's always busy and I can focus on my mom and on plants for our yard. 

I also find that avoiding facebook is wise on that day, or at least "hiding" the images or posts that ripple my pond.

liz4paws

I've learned a couple of dos and donts for me. First, there are some commercials I can't even stomach as the big day approaches and have to turn then off as soon as they mention mother's day before they upset me.

Last year I figured going to get a nice pedicure was going to be a good way for me to get out and pamper myself. That turned out to be a big mistake because many of the women were there with their daughters and "mother" talk was the nonstop buzz conversation at the salon. Women sitting next to me were going on and on about the day their kids were born, and it was like being held hostage with my feet in the tub not being able to leave. My mistake. As I was checking out, the owner said "are you a mother yet?" I said "No, I am unable to have children." That was awkward. and he didn't say anything after that but I don't regret saying it. lol

Once I got home from the salon and started putting my focus on making a nice meal and experience for my MIL who was coming over later that afternoon, the day got a lot better. I've learned that for me, focusing on making the day nice for my mother in law (or mother, if she were alive anymore) is a way to lift my spirits. It's a lot easier to handle from that perspective instead of remembering that I am not a mother, at least to no babies on earth.

I hope everyone here is able to get through Mother's day. I don't think there are a whole lot of days I dread more.

DoublePortion

Last year DH and I were conveniently on vacation on Mother's Day, however the Father's Day activities nearly killed me. My mom lives over 3 hours away, I visited her last month and will be there again next month so I'll just send her a gift. DH probably won't like it but I plan on staying home all day Mother's Day. So DH will have to go to church and take his mom out without me. It makes me feel horribly selfish but the other option is possibly loosing it at church and getting pitty looks/comments which would only make it worse. Father's Day last year included me getting more and more depressed during the sermon, tons of jaw clenching and choking back tears on the way out and then crying all the way to the restaurant so I can only imagine Mother's Day would be worse. Avoidance is my motto! Maybe I'll bake or have a chick flick marathon...and I will definitely be avoiding FB!

Mrs.McIrish

I don't plan on leaving my house. Last year we were in Punta Cana at an adults only resort so I was able to avoid it. The year before I got a "happy M day" everywhere I went--even at Home Depot. I've learned my lesson..DH is going to see his mother. I just can't.. His family goes on and on about kids with no awareness that it kills me. I also refuse to go to Mass that day for self preservation and not going to church is "unacceptable" in his parents' house. I am just staying home and I don't care what DH tells them. I would go see my mom as she hurts for me but my car is in rough shape and I can't do the 5 hr drive back and forth with it right now. 

I may post a message on FB to stop and remember those who are hurting on Mother's Day due to infertility and pregnancy and infant loss .. Not sure if I have the nerve yet.

WindyCity33

After our recent loss I told DH I couldn't imagine being in our "normal" surroundings so we're headed to Vegas. I wanted somewhere that has a lot to do with a minimal amount of kids. I know running away from it doesn't solve anything but after going through labor and having nothing to show for it I'm content to run this year.

Mrs.McIrish

WindyCity33:

After our recent loss I told DH I couldn't imagine being in our "normal" surroundings so we're headed to Vegas. I wanted somewhere that has a lot to do with a minimal amount of kids. I know running away from it doesn't solve anything but after going through labor and having nothing to show for it I'm content to run this year.

FYI: I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago thinking it would be safe. Babies everywhere!! Who brings a baby to Vegas? Casino smoke etc. it really pissed me off. 

megs3084

wine.  lots & lots of wine.  I work mother's day so I will be surrounded by babies (Im a NICU nurse).  Not losing it will take a miracle.

WindyCity33

Mrs.McIrish:

WindyCity33:

After our recent loss I told DH I couldn't imagine being in our "normal" surroundings so we're headed to Vegas. I wanted somewhere that has a lot to do with a minimal amount of kids. I know running away from it doesn't solve anything but after going through labor and having nothing to show for it I'm content to run this year.

FYI: I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago thinking it would be safe. Babies everywhere!! Who brings a baby to Vegas? Casino smoke etc. it really pissed me off. 

Ugh thanks for the heads up. Here's hoping the stroller pushers stay away! 

PrettyAccountant

DH and I spend it at the cemeteries. My mom is gone, my MIL is gone and my triplets only live in my heart along with my mom. We go to the cemeteries and plant the most beautiful flowers we can find. Yes I shed lots of tears but I always feel better afterwards. I am grateful and thank Gd for this pregnancy but until I have her in my arms and get to take her home, it is a reminder if what I've fought so hard for and for what can be lost so quickly.

lincoln79

my mother and sister are being a real pain about it this year.

it's my sister's first mother's day so she thinks we should celebrate ALL WEEKEND long with her adorable baby.

we are going to be hermits.

after this most recent loss I am just barely able to go through portions of the day without bawling (I try to make it through the morning, afternoon, evening) plus our EDD for our first loss is on Mother's Day.

i just am not up for a big crowd of unsupportive people. color me selfish, but...

mh and i are going to go to a kid inappropriate movie and have dinner with my gay colleague and his partner. 

BrideJackie11

WindyCity33:

After our recent loss I told DH I couldn't imagine being in our "normal" surroundings so we're headed to Vegas. I wanted somewhere that has a lot to do with a minimal amount of kids. I know running away from it doesn't solve anything but after going through labor and having nothing to show for it I'm content to run this year.

 

We are going to Vegas too!!!  I am so ready for a vacation!  Where are you staying?

rrdiva1

megs3084:

wine.  lots & lots of wine.  I work mother's day so I will be surrounded by babies (Im a NICU nurse).  Not losing it will take a miracle.

you are an angel fpr what you do! xox

rrdiva1

lincoln79:

my mother and sister are being a real pain about it this year.

it's my sister's first mother's day so she thinks we should celebrate ALL WEEKEND long with her adorable baby.

we are going to be hermits.

after this most recent loss I am just barely able to go through portions of the day without bawling (I try to make it through the morning, afternoon, evening) plus our EDD for our first loss is on Mother's Day.

i just am not up for a big crowd of unsupportive people. color me selfish, but...

mh and i are going to go to a kid inappropriate movie and have dinner with my gay colleague and his partner. 

sounds like a good plan!

rrdiva1

PrettyAccountant:

DH and I spend it at the cemeteries. My mom is gone, my MIL is gone and my triplets only live in my heart along with my mom. We go to the cemeteries and plant the most beautiful flowers we can find. Yes I shed lots of tears but I always feel better afterwards. I am grateful and thank Gd for this pregnancy but until I have her in my arms and get to take her home, it is a reminder if what I've fought so hard for and for what can be lost so quickly.

hugs!