(Ticker warning)Just lost my rainbow...

bunnybun4

Just got back from my confirmation appt to make sure there was no heartbeat.  My d&c is scheduled for tomorrow.

i am just so mad and devastated (once again).  To lose a baby at 19 weeks and have to make all kinds of hard decisions and then to spend months fighting to crawl out of such a pit of despair...only to find out that the light that you thought was the end of your tunnel isn't there.  

DH and I just keep reminding ourselves that we've already made it thru much harder circumstances...and my dr. Keeps reminding me that technically this is my first actual miscarriage...I am just feeling so hopeless right now that pregnancy can ever have a positive outcome.   So any encouraging stories from you moms with your rainbows would be appreciated...

sorry for all of the gloom, I just knew you ladies would get it...this just makes me miss my baby girl even more and I am just so angry that she isn't here with me.  Thanks for letting me vent.   

meli1025

I am SO sorry....huge squishy ((HUGS)).  I remember feeling so angry after our miscarriage and also how it made me miss Ava even more.  This is all so frustrating and unfair, I wish you didn't have to be back here.  I know there are some great positive stories from loss moms with their rainbows....I look forward to seeing them too.  Hang in there love.  xoxoxox

 

toomanycats1

I already responded to your post on PgAL, but I just wanted to give you more hugs and once again say how very sorry I am for your loss.

((Hugs)) 

MommytoAngel

I'm so sorry to hear this... I know this is all of our biggest fear... It just really is so unfair... Hugs from afar...

jess123456

I am so so sorry. It is just not fair. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Bayberry12

Again, I am just so, so sorry.  It really is not fair.

angelsnight

I am so sorry for the loss of your rainbow.  If I could, I would put all pregnant women in a bubble and keep you all safe to get your rainbows.  It's so unfair, huge hugs to you. 

shandorfml2

So sorry sweetie (((((((hugs)))))))) thinking of you

ratsuda726

So sorry! I can understand, We lost our rainbow at 26 weeks. (Hugs)

Williamandshawnna

I am so sorry for your losses. None of this is fair, and just sucks!

HUGS

a&aw12707

I am so, so sorry. Huge hugs to you. I completely understand that feeling oh hopelessness. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.  

hhudson92

I am so sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. ((hugs))

pottermommy

I am so sorry honey.  I miscarried my first rainbow too.  It isn't easy and it kind of sucks you back into the void and no one gets it b/c an early miscarriage should be "easier" than a late loss or stillbirth or child loss.  But no one takes into account the fact that you finally found hope only to have it ripped away.

I am so so sorry.  My heart goes out to you. 

 

We lost our little nugget in August and got so so frustrated with trying after months and months after the m/c that we stopped trying because I couldn't take it anymore.  We had already been on IF treatments for years. 

We didn't have any sexy time for three months and on mother's day of 2011 I was so devastated and lonely and we finally DTD and that was the only time we did it before we found out on father's day that we were expecting Gabriel.

I was terrified to lose him too.  I was scared the whole entire time.  But after all of that, he is here (and I am still scared lol). 

I think of my first rainbow all of the time.  I wonder how he/she would look or act, I wonder how different my life would be.  But if I did have him/her I wouldn't have Gabriel, and he is everything I could have wanted in a rainbow.  I can't imagine my life without him. 

He looks like Kam, he reminds me of all the good and amazing things that she was.  And as far down into that pit that a sank when I lost rainbow #1, he pulled me out.  And he continues to pull me out all of the time.

 

I don't know if this is what you wanted to hear, I don't know how encouraging it was.  But I just want you to know that you will walk out of this.  You will make it through and you will come out on the other side.  You aren't wrong for being so sad.  You lost another baby, and that is devastating.  Lots of hugs and love.

 

tuscanbride2007

So sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself, hon.

((HUGS)) 

Noethola

I am so very sorry that you have experienced another loss. It is not fair at all. Lots of T&Ps your way.

bunnybun4

pottermommy:

I am so sorry honey.  I miscarried my first rainbow too.  It isn't easy and it kind of sucks you back into the void and no one gets it b/c an early miscarriage should be "easier" than a late loss or stillbirth or child loss.  But no one takes into account the fact that you finally found hope only to have it ripped away.

I am so so sorry.  My heart goes out to you. 

We lost our little nugget in August and got so so frustrated with trying after months and months after the m/c that we stopped trying because I couldn't take it anymore.  We had already been on IF treatments for years. 

We didn't have any sexy time for three months and on mother's day of 2011 I was so devastated and lonely and we finally DTD and that was the only time we did it before we found out on father's day that we were expecting Gabriel.

I was terrified to lose him too.  I was scared the whole entire time.  But after all of that, he is here (and I am still scared lol). 

I think of my first rainbow all of the time.  I wonder how he/she would look or act, I wonder how different my life would be.  But if I did have him/her I wouldn't have Gabriel, and he is everything I could have wanted in a rainbow.  I can't imagine my life without him. 

He looks like Kam, he reminds me of all the good and amazing things that she was.  And as far down into that pit that a sank when I lost rainbow #1, he pulled me out.  And he continues to pull me out all of the time.

I don't know if this is what you wanted to hear, I don't know how encouraging it was.  But I just want you to know that you will walk out of this.  You will make it through and you will come out on the other side.  You aren't wrong for being so sad.  You lost another baby, and that is devastating.  Lots of hugs and love.

this is exactly what I needed to hear. thank you.

thanks everyone for the hugs and understanding. I am so thankful to be apart of this group. ((HUGS))