Deep thoughts after "Preemie Resources" posts on FB

Denesdia

I follow Preemie Resources on FB.  It is a lovely personal blog with tips for preemie parents, resources, articles, etc.  Since my preemies are older, I don't usually react as strongly or emotionally as I might have before.  Anyway, there has been a long stretch of time recently where everyone is posting their last belly shots before their preemies arrived.  Super cute idea, but I find that I am getting more and more sad at these pictures. First, it is the visual of the quantity of women who are touched by the preemie road that is sad.  Then, everyone is so happy and full of joy in the pictures, and then the comment below the picture is "2 days later, our 26 weeker arrived" or something like that.  I think the intention was to feel connected to other mamas, but it is just making me think about the losses of it all.  This was harder to see as a visual reminder of how our lives changed in an instant.  Any thoughts?  Maybe I am just in a funk.

gault530

When you see a persons that is 26 or so weeks along is stunning to think they can have a baby and it can survive. Typically, they don't look that pregnant, especially with a singleton.

Seeing pregnant women that are really far along seems to be the hardest thing for me. It makes me wish I could have gotten that far.

punky917

I know exactly how you feel. My SIL who is a photographer insisted that she take my belly shots at 24 weeks when we went to visit them. I said ok, but it was hard to take belly shots when I didn't really have much of a belly.  So the next day, while still on vacation 5 hours away, I was hospitalized the next day due to PROM. She made the pictures into a mini-scrapbook-it has been 5 years, but I still haven't been able to look at those pictures even though DS is now fine.

cottingham3

I understand. I do however, wish I had done a belly shot earlier. I delivered at 26 weeks and have no picutura of me pregnant beyond 14 weeks or so. I was on BR and they just never got made. I have one shot of my belly with our kitten lying curled up with the baby inside. I treasure it because it's the only pg ahot I have.

DrRx

I took belly shots all throughout my pregnancy--at least once a week.  While in the hospital, when I was allowed my 1-hour of "cruising in the wheelchair" time, I did get some shots of me.  The last ones were taken about 4 days before Adalyn was born. 

I don't really have a problem seeing my pregnant pics, but it is still somewhat difficult to see people who are really, really pregnant. It is hard for me to be around those who are past 26 weeks, since that's as far as I got.  It has gotten a little easier, but it is still difficult.  

jbranden12

After a 31 week stillbirth and a 26 weeker, I cannot look at heavily pregnant women without intense pain. When I see my pregnancy photos, I only see what we lost. With Patricia, it is her whole life, with Anna, it is the life we wanted for her that was stolen by her premature birth and severe brain damage. Maybe someday this will change, but it will be a while. 

BLPL101

DH took a picture of me in front of our Christmas tree the day my water broke. (DD was born Dec 17). We VERY rarely take pictures (it's actually a running joke because in the 10 years we have been together we have only taken a handful of photos) and I am beyond happy that he took that of me that day. Of course, I had absolutely no idea that would be the last day I would be pregnant.

urbanflowerpot

I'm sorry it has touched a sad spot in your heart. I can see why it would because we are all in different places (with some in NICU still) and sometimes things affect me some days and not so much other days.

I am the voice behind Preemie Resources.

It's a hard job. My emotions get rocked with all the posts I see and the birth stories that I format for the blog (which is in connection with The Bump's Preemie Board - link in the green box). Some days I don't feel up to it.

Our theme last week was "last bump shot." This week it is "first picture of LO."

I don't think preemie moms get to celebrate their bumps...ever really. For most of us we tuck them away and envy the big FT bumps. I know that there are long journeys behind unsuspecting eyes in those photos (mine included) - but my hope is that we can celebrate our stories because nothing we can do will change them. They've already been written. Some women might never make it to that place - or aren't in the mood that day. I get that. There are a lot of preemie pages on FB that throw facts at you. That show babies in need of prayers ASAP. I support those pages and visit them under Preemie Resources.

However, I've felt that as PR has evolved there are a lot of women there who want to cheer for the little things that get overlooked and that preemie pages don't always have to be serious (I don't mean that in an insensitive way). I was very sad when I took my last bump shot. I'd lost my background because my apt burned down and I didn't know if my cats were dead or lost (dead) and I'd been homeless for a month. I remember taking that last picture just because I felt I should. It had been so long. Those emotions come rushing to the surface and I've never shown that photo before. Usually I post a different one as my 'last.' It was very healing to be able to share it with a group of women cheering on our little bumps. I'm proud of who my son is today and that's him in there. We had a hard road...but that was my last bump.

I am very open to suggestions. Ideally I'm hoping we'll all get to know each other through photos and stories and be able to bond and support each other. I appreciate all of your feedback.