Separate 1st bday

MooOink

Our LO is turning 1 this summer, and since we moved into a new bigger house we wanted to have his birthday party here for our friends and family. Most of my family lives 2 hours away, I would invite them all, but completely understand if they aren't up for making the drive up for it.

My mom just suggested I have a separate party close to where all my family lives. For some reason I feel weird about it. I told her I didn't want it to seem gift grabby, and she said "of course not, but it would mean alot to them." I'm having a hard time putting why it feels uncomfortable into words. It's almost like its expecting them to even want to celebrate his birthday by throwing a separate party for him close to them.

I'm not sure. Someone help me explain my emotions in words haha. Also, what are your thoughts?

bumpuser260585

My family lives about 2 hours away, but DH's family is local. My mom also suggested a separate party. My issue was that ds's birthday is 3 weeks before Christmas, so there really wasn't time to do it, not to mention I wasn't thrilled with the idea.

I ended up just inviting all of my family to our house for one party. Surprisingly, they all came. I think if people want to celebrate with you, they will. 2 hours isn't that far of a drive. I had the party early afternoon on a Saturday, so there was plenty of time for them to get there, party, then get home.

MooOink

SpitsNGiggles:

My family lives about 2 hours away, but DH's family is local. My mom also suggested a separate party. My issue was that ds's birthday is 3 weeks before Christmas, so there really wasn't time to do it, not to mention I wasn't thrilled with the idea.

I ended up just inviting all of my family to our house for one party. Surprisingly, they all came. I think if people want to celebrate with you, they will. 2 hours isn't that far of a drive. I had the party early afternoon on a Saturday, so there was plenty of time for them to get there, party, then get home.

Thanks for your reply! That was my moms point, "they would love to celebrate his birthday!" But maybe not enough to drive 2 hours haha.

I only had 2 family members come to my wedding shower at my house, which is why we had our wedding and our baby shower down near my family and all of our friends drove the 2 hours because of that.

EastCoastBride

First birthdays are big deals kind of. I could see doing 2 parties this time. But that would be it. It would NOT become the norm for future years.

numeria11

EastCoastBride:

First birthdays are big deals kind of. I could see doing 2 parties this time. But that would be it. It would NOT become the norm for future years.

This.  In my family 1st birthdays are something family expects to attend.  And honestly it's a lot easier for the 3 of you to get in 1 car and go see all of them vs expecting 15-20 people to each make a 4 hour round trip to see you guys.  I don't think it comes off as gift grabby it comes off as you wanting to share a special day witht them this 1 time. 

If you are really uncomfortable with it maybe just ask your mom if it could just be more casual, everybody come over for BBQ whatever since they are coming to visit and we will have a cake at the end for x's bday.

danieliza1127

MooOink:

Our LO is turning 1 this summer, and since we moved into a new bigger house we wanted to have his birthday party here for our friends and family. Most of my family lives 2 hours away, I would invite them all, but completely understand if they aren't up for making the drive up for it. My mom just suggested I have a separate party close to where all my family lives. For some reason I feel weird about it. I told her I didn't want it to seem gift grabby, and she said "of course not, but it would mean alot to them." I'm having a hard time putting why it feels uncomfortable into words. It's almost like its expecting them to even want to celebrate his birthday by throwing a separate party for him close to them. I'm not sure. Someone help me explain my emotions in words haha. Also, what are your thoughts?

I totally get what you mean.  We live about 2.5 hours from all of my family and we're just having my LO's first birthday party at our house.  I'll invite my brothers and their families and if they want to come, that's cool, but I don't expect them too.  I'm not going to have a second party up there at my parent's house.  I know what you mean, it's hard to put into words why.  Having a second party up there makes it seem like I think his birthday party is so important that they should all want to come, or like I expect them to celebrate him so I'm having a party just for them to come to.  Something like that.  If they really want to come, they'll come to the one at my house, and if they want to come but just can't because it's too far, that's okay.  I don't know, I don't think it's a big enough deal to have a party up there too.  Or it's a big deal to me but I'm realistic enough to know that it's not a big deal to anyone but us and his grandparents.

MooOink

danieliza1127:

MooOink:

Our LO is turning 1 this summer, and since we moved into a new bigger house we wanted to have his birthday party here for our friends and family. Most of my family lives 2 hours away, I would invite them all, but completely understand if they aren't up for making the drive up for it.

My mom just suggested I have a separate party close to where all my family lives. For some reason I feel weird about it. I told her I didn't want it to seem gift grabby, and she said "of course not, but it would mean alot to them." I'm having a hard time putting why it feels uncomfortable into words. It's almost like its expecting them to even want to celebrate his birthday by throwing a separate party for him close to them.

I'm not sure. Someone help me explain my emotions in words haha. Also, what are your thoughts?

I totally get what you mean.  We live about 2.5 hours from all of my family and we're just having my LO's first birthday party at our house.  I'll invite my brothers and their families and if they want to come, that's cool, but I don't expect them too.  I'm not going to have a second party up there at my parent's house.  I know what you mean, it's hard to put into words why.  Having a second party up there makes it seem like I think his birthday party is so important that they should all want to come, or like I expect them to celebrate him so I'm having a party just for them to come to.  Something like that.  If they really want to come, they'll come to the one at my house, and if they want to come but just can't because it's too far, that's okay.  I don't know, I don't think it's a big enough deal to have a party up there too.  Or it's a big deal to me but I'm realistic enough to know that it's not a big deal to anyone but us and his grandparents.

Exactly! Thanks for basically saying what I was thinking. Plus they are people like my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. My parents and sister will come up for sure but the extended family is who probably won't, which I totally get.

MooOink

My mom just called and said maybe I shouldn't invite them to his birthday at our house, because it might put pressure on them to have to come. Haha I have no idea what to do.

danieliza1127

Dude, don't overthink it.  Invite them.  If you want to invite them and you want them to come, invite them.  If they want to come and can come, they will.  If they can't or don't want to, they won't.  If you want them to come and don't invite them, you'll just regret it and possibly hurt feelings. 

jlw2505

I personally don't get the big deal with having a huge party for a child's 1st bday.  A first bday party is for the parents or in your case, for grandma.  The child will never remember it and if its too big, will be totally overwhelmed.  I would do a party at your house, whoever comes does and whoever doesn't, makes that choice.  Maybe since you just moved you can do an open house and have cake and such for your child.

We did a simple family dinner and called it a day.