What's BF views on this

mom2one

cole2144:

My original posts were about the fact that I will not spend that much money without input from my husband. And we do not provide vacation money for SD while she is in her mothers care. We don`t expect money for while she is in our care either. We do not expect anything from BM that we ourselves are not willing to do so I don`t see what your problem is. 

That is because you can't. Your situation is different from Phantom's because you don't have the expendable income to do so. She does. $100 is not "that much."

cole2144

mom2one:

cole2144:

My original posts were about the fact that I will not spend that much money without input from my husband. And we do not provide vacation money for SD while she is in her mothers care. We don`t expect money for while she is in our care either. We do not expect anything from BM that we ourselves are not willing to do so I don`t see what your problem is. 

That is because you can't. Your situation is different from Phantom's because you don't have the expendable income to do so. She does. $100 is not "that much."

Oh you are privy to my bank statements now?! I could if I chose to, we have the money but I choose as my husband does to consult each other when we spend that much money. I am not saying 100 dollars is a huge amount but it is an amount that my husband and I would talk to each other about before either of us spent it. 

hopanka

Illumine, I look at it as it is my child ALL of the time, so yes, I am not only concerned and involved in my child's life and well being half the time on my parenting watch, but ALL of the time even when at the other parent's. As long as it is with good intentions and respect to the other parent, this is the right approach to COPARENTING. So, yes, i wouldnt think twice and give my child a fifty or even a hundred just for a little spending cash. And no, i wouldnt have to ask my H. I have my own money I make, I also have my own account outside of joint, so I wouldnt give it a second thought, as in: "here, kiddo, take this on your trip with your dad and have fun." Like PP said, nickel and diming each other, or living by the thought "BM or BF is not getting a single dime out of me", usually does produce resentment and broken down relationships with the other side. It is interesting just from looking at this online group and how it usually correlates the state of coparenting AND the attitudes of the posters toward the other side. People who are this rigid and fiercely protect their own selfish interest usually have pretty bad relationships with the other parent. They quote unquote vent here daily, but thats about the only thing they do. They dont look at their own toxic thoughts. Cole is one of them. She seriously reminds me of Twinkle, a different sitch, but the same sort of thickness and inability to look at anything from another point of view, except her own.

cole2144

hopanka:

Illumine, I look at it as it is my child ALL of the time, so yes, I am not only concerned and involved in my child's life and well being half the time on my parenting watch, but ALL of the time even when at the other parent's. As long as it is with good intentions and respect to the other parent, this is the right approach to COPARENTING. So, yes, i wouldnt think twice and give my child a fifty or even a hundred just for a little spending cash. And no, i wouldnt have to ask my H. I have my own money I make, I also have my own account outside of joint, so I wouldnt give it a second thought, as in: "here, kiddo, take this on your trip with your dad and have fun." Like PP said, nickel and diming each other, or living by the thought "BM or BF is not getting a single dime out of me", usually does produce resentment and broken down relationships with the other side. It is interesting just from looking at this online group and how it usually correlates the state of coparenting AND the attitudes of the posters toward the other side. People who are this rigid and fiercely protect their own selfish interest usually have pretty bad relationships with the other parent. They quote unquote vent here daily, but thats about the only thing they do. They dont look at their own toxic thoughts. Cole is one of them. She seriously reminds me of Twinkle, a different sitch, but the same sort of thickness and inability to look at anything from another point of view, except her own.

I was not here venting about anything, I was giving my response to another person`s question and you took the opportunity to take shots at me. If attacking people online makes you feel good about yourself, go right ahead. Like I said before we do not expect anything from BM that we would not do ourselves. Some BM`s on this site expect things from BD`s that they themselves are not willing to do, that is what I have a problem with. DH tried being very flexible with BM and all that got him was treated like a doormat so yeah, that is not gonna fly anymore. It is give and take.

mom2one

cole2144:

Some BM`s on this site expect things from BD`s that they themselves are not willing to do, that is what I have a problem with.

 

Who? I haven't seen that at all.

Ilumine

mom2one:

cole2144:

My original posts were about the fact that I will not spend that much money without input from my husband. And we do not provide vacation money for SD while she is in her mothers care. We don`t expect money for while she is in our care either. We do not expect anything from BM that we ourselves are not willing to do so I don`t see what your problem is. 

That is because you can't. Your situation is different from Phantom's because you don't have the expendable income to do so. She does. $100 is not "that much."

That is bullshit.  It has nothing to do with one person working and the other not. And everything to do with respecting your husband's position as the other parent.  It is the principle that you work together as a team in supporting your children. 

Throwing money at them without the other paretnt's knowledge and approval is not the correct role modeling of a partnership. All it says is that, if you don't agree with your husband/wife you ignore their wishes and move on.

Just because someone is poor, that doesn't mean that they cannot believe in proper money management principles or how to be effective spouses and parents,

To beleive anything else is rude and condescending.... 

Alohalove

Your situation sounds very different from mine.  I wish my step-kids BM would take them on vacation! In my case, I and my husband do not give the kids any money before they see their mother.  In fact, we make sure to give them their allowance after they come back from seeing her.  If she found out they had money, she would have them pay for their own meals and probably hers as well.  

Kyah

I think its odd to expect an 11 year old to pay for food on a trip. I can see maybe encouraging them to bring their own spending money for extras.

Given the situation I see nothing wrong with giving him $100. More than likely I would have told DH what I intended to do first, but he would never begrudge me spending $100 on either of the kids. If I did it without talking to him first, he would not be mad.