September 2013 Moms
I'll admit it, I cried after my a/s
Had my a/s today finally. It went really quickly, we only saw baby for a few minutes. Everything looked great, and we found out it's a boy. As soon as the ultrasound tech left the room, I burst into tears. My husband has a boy and a girl and I have a boy, so we were really hoping this one was a girl since it'll be my last, as 4 kids between the 2 of us is more than enough. I felt awful for being so disappointed and my husband was awesome comforting me even though he had his heart set on a girl too. It's just tough to accept that I'll never have my own little girl. I'm still elated that my little man is healthy, of course. But anyway, guess I'm joining Team Blue again!
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Re: I'll admit it, I cried after my a/s
You have a little girl... your step daughter.
I know you can't help how you feel but I do not get this gender disappointment crap. DH and I both were so certain this LO was going to be a girl. But when the tech said its a boy, we were both so elated. It was so much more exciting because it was such a surprise since we were both thinking girl.
It's good to know someone else is in the same situation! I'm definitely happy that we have a healthy baby. I'm slowly getting over the disappointment. We took my family out to dinner tonight to reveal the sex and my dad was VERY happy. This makes 4 grandsons for him, which he's loving because he had 4 girls and a boy. Seeing him so happy made me feel better!
I'm sorry you can't sympathize with someone who is in a different situation than yours. I hope you have a great pregnancy and a healthy baby.
We actually bought some onesies today after the ultrasound and it cheered me up a bit. I'd forgotten how small and adorable infant clothes are! Thanks for the suggestion!
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
I have to agree. After all I went through to get pregnant, having lost one of our twins, and still seeing so many women struggling to get pregnant--it breaks my heart that someone would cry because they wanted a girl. smh
It's hard to give up these sorts of things. I'm hoping to talk my H into three, but unless he has a change of heart this will be my last. We don't know the sex of this baby yet, but I admit I will be sad if I never have the chance to raise a little boy.
FTM's who like to flame how women feel about having their last baby are ridiculous.
I tried not to get attached to the idea of having a girl. I tried not to think about it much and I refused to even look at baby names for fear of falling in love with a girl or boy name before knowing the sex lol. I didn't even expect to actually cry if it was a boy but the tears just started flowing. Hormones, I guess.
considering I'm on my third pregnancy in under a year.... yea, I can't sympathize. I'm just glad that my baby is still alive.
Exactly, I think I was most upset about the fact that this is my last baby so I can't just shrug it off and say "oh well, maybe next time." I will still love this baby with all my heart, I just have to reach a point of acceptance.
I agree. There are women who are losing babies, finding out their babies have fatal abnormalities or can't get pregnant. Crying over a penis is ridiculous to me.
It really sucks that some women have to face these hardships, but that doesn't mean that the rest of us can't talk about the things going on in our pregnancies. It's the equivalent of someone who was widowed coming on and chewing someone out for posting about something rude her H said. Or anyone who lost one of their parents getting nasty every time someone complains about family drama.
A lot of the women who posted negative responses to this have faced losses. They have gone to an ultrasound and been told their baby is no longer alive. That is a reason to cry after an ultrasound, not because your healthy baby has a penis. It is absolutely normal to have a few moments of surprise or sadness of it being your last baby, but to cry and need consoling over a healthy baby is mind boggling to a lot of us who have had miscarriages.
I totally understand how you feel. I'm glad you have a healthy baby as well, thats always a great feeling.
I really don't get why some woman on here bash others who feel a little dissapointed in the baby sex. OP is happy the baby is healthy even if it may not be a girl.
I think it goes both ways. To be honest, I can't personally understand getting upset about losing a baby I've never seen in person or held. I'm not at all trying to minimize what your loss meant to you, but for me, it took until I held my son to develop an actual attachment. It may have been because my son was a product of sexual assault, it may have been because he was my first, it may have been because I did not actually want a child at that point in my life. Regardless, I think each of our experiences, situations, and personal feelings about those situations molds how we sympathize or don't sympathize. So I don't harbor any hard feelings about you or any of the other women who basically shrugged and rolled their eyes at my situation. I can admit that I have done the same to others. I appreciate your honesty though.
See post above yours.
There are children slowly starving to death in the world, but middle class American moms still get upset that their kids won't eat enough veggies. There are women in the world being treated like less then cattle but we still go online and rant/ask for advice about our relationship problems. We each live with what we know and feel what we feel in the context of our own experiences. Those feelings aren't any less legitimate because someone somewhere has it worse and dismissing those feelings by telling someone to think of those who have it worse doesn't help.
I don't even know what to say to something like this.
Well said!
I am sorry about your assault, but are you saying you roll your eyes at women who are devastated by the loss of their unborn children?
I can only speak for myself here, but having gone through two miscarriages I can say that the feeling of loss is quite real.
No, I didn't get to see them in person or hold them, and that in itself is a horrible loss. You're lucky to have not experienced such a thing.
Like I said earlier, I can relate to your situation with this being our last and wanting a girl, however, I am going to be happy just to have a healthy baby. I know you'll enjoy your sweet baby boy!
That's the attitude I'm taking towards the situation. I love my first son with all my heart and I can't imagine not having him now, even though I was terrified and incredibly unprepared as that pregnancy was unexpected. I just need some time to adjust and move on as I did with him. I'm already feeling better about it, just needed to vent. I appreciate the words of encouragement.
Coming from someone who cried over her baby having a penis, it's a little hypocritical to say you don't understand getting upset over losing a baby. I might be in the minority here, but I find you to be bat sh!t crazy.
I don't feel like I should even have to say this, but I loved my baby that I lost and I still wish that baby would have made it.
Eh, in the context of minor or petty problems I agree with you. Certainly I complain about crap when I know someone has it worse. But I guess, to me, the difference here is that there isn't a problem to complain about. She has a healthy baby with a penis. Obviously others disagree and that's fine. I, however, think crying over a healthy baby is nuts.
No, no! I guess I should have been clearer. I can understand experiencing loss, but I can't understand the feeling of having a miscarriage. At the same time, I respect the fact that those who have experienced it feel more strongly about it than I do. I admit though, that I've rolled my eyes about other things that I do see as trivial that others seem to make huge deals about. It's a matter of perspective, I guess.
ETA that this was in response to daileym's last post. Sorry I forgot to quote.
Ok....So are you saying you had zero concern of miscarriage with this pregnancy?
I knew it was a possibility but it didn't worry me in the way that I'm sure it worried others. To be honest, I was just incredibly apprehensive about being pregnant again, even though I'm married now and we were sortof planning this. I'm sure it sounds silly to others, but because of my only other experience with pregnancy, my first instinct was actually to be worried that my husband would leave me to deal with it alone.
This thread is reminding me of that Garfunkel and Oates song...
"So, do you want a boy or a girl?"
"Oh, it doesn?t matter as long as it?s healthy, mmm."
"Really, because I don?t think those two things are related. It?s not like one or the other."
"No, really, as long as it?s healthy, mmmm."
I can?t wait to hear someone say
?Don?t care if it?s brain dead
Don?t care if it?s limbless
If it has a penis?
I love how judgy people are...i completely agree...this is our last. If I want to be slightly disappointed it's not a girl, that's MY right just like it's MY baby, MY uterus, MY life...get over it! Every person's journey is different.
This! And I'm not going to say this to be insensitive to anyone who's ever suffered a loss because that IS a reason to be upset and I get how those who have suffered a loss may not understand this kind of temporary disappointment. However, just because you can't understand it doesn't mean it's not a valid emotion to have as well. OP didn't go on and on about how terribly distraught she was like it was the end of the world. She didn't expect it to happen the way it did and she's glad her baby is healthy and is now coming around to the idea.
I personally may only ever have one child - it's still up in the air - but I remember going in and feeling guilty and worrying about what my reaction might be when we did find out the gender of our little one. I had visions of life with a boy and life with a girl so I worried when I found out that it was a boy that I would feel sad about possibly never having the opportunity to raise a girl (I also had some trouble feeling a bond with my kiddo for most of the first half of my pregnancy). It was fleeting and I now realize that my worrying and lack of bonding had a lot to do with the stress of not knowing whether the baby was healthy or not. When we found out we had a healthy baby boy we were elated and I was so relieved to not feel disappointed because I know it's not something I could have helped feeling.
Sometimes you just need a minute to come to terms with things you feel you might lose out on. There's nothing wrong with being a little sad about it (a little being the key point here). If OP had said she was considering drastic measures because she just couldn't get past it, then I wouldn't be so supportive. But she just needed a minute to pick herself up.