Bipolar?

mommyfied

Got a message from my cousin (we're practically sisters) a couple of weeks ago, about her getting the diagnose "bipolar", and she advised me to look it up, because she felt like I had a lot of the symptoms as well.

I think I will call my doctor about it, but I first wanted to ask if anyone know the consequences of being bipolar and a parent? or just general information about bipolar?

--halo--

I have a SIL who is bipolar.  She has had an extremely difficult time dealing with it and finding support over the years.  Every couple of years she has a manic episode, and it has greatly affected her ability to be a good parent.  I don't know anyone else who is bipolar, so I don't have anything to compare with, but I believe that her being bipolar combined with her upbringing and personality has made her life more difficult than other people who are bipolar.  

If you believe that you might be, I highly recommend speaking to your doctor about it.  I don't know what kind of family/friend support system you have, but I believe that is extremely important.  The last time my SIL had a manic episode she lost custody of her children, spent all of her money, ran away, nearly killed herself several times, was put in an institution, and put the entire family through turmoil for several months.  Since then we have all realized that we need to keep an eye on her just as much as she needs to be aware of her own moods and actions.  We can help her recognize when she isn't acting like herself and may need to change her medication or seek more help.  

Keep us updated, hopefully your situation isn't as drastic, but it can be debilitating either way.   

 

mommyfied

I read on a forum somewhere, while searching Google for info, that there are various levels of BD.

You SIL seem to be on the high end of the scale. from what I know so far my "condition" hasn't effected J in any way. My problems are mainly in-warded/psychological - except that I get really tired at points, and just want to sleep all the time. (on the same forum I read about one BD mom who imaged her parenting in those periods as a marathon, and that she had to complete the race (bedtime), in order to win the prize (healthy children)) And I can definitely relate to that feeling (don't know if it is the condition *possible BD* or if it is situation *alone parent*)

Other impacts are extreme guilt when I am in my lows, with no energy for other things than drifting of into the computer and letting J watch TV and eating snacks.

I do feel like even though I have no diagnose I do have a consciousness towards it: I know the signals in the mood changes, and can control them to only affect me when I feel it is OK. These states are affected if I am with my family, completely alone, have a goal, J's sleeping pattern, if I eat regularly, what I eat etc. the more sugar I eat, the more down I get.

I have never as a parent gotten to a point where I loose control, although I often imagine or think back to when I just had surgery, when J was 6 months and I got morphine and my parents looked after J, and I could relax for two days without worrying. - I feel really sad, disgusted and a bad parent for thinking of those two days as something good -

Sorry, long and emotional vent - I am basically just on the hedge of contacting the Doc, because I am scared they might take J away from me..

Rink08

This is something that my family has a lot of experience with. As much of a great source of wisdom this site is for parenting issues and many non parenting issues, this is something that really needs to be determined through the right channels. Diagnosing or misdiagnosing yourself can become dangerous. If you feel like you may fit the description or you are having any mental or anxiety issues, you should talk with your doctor who can lead you in the right direction.
That being said, I've seen the illness effect the same families in different ways. If it is something that you are dealing with, I pray that you are willing to get the help that is needed. Be that medication, therapy, or support. Any untreated mental illness in a family will effect the other members.

kj07

I second Rink.  It's important to work with a professional. It could be the challenges of being the primary parent, but if it is more, better to work with the professionals and get the needed help.  I know that first phone call can be scary, but you can do it. 

shaw

My SIL is bipolar.  It's pretty obvious, but I guess it could range on a spectrum.  For instance,  she will go through periods where she doesn't come home.  My brother once found the kids in their car seats alone.  She was gone.  He drove to find her and she refused to get into the car.  She didn't think they needed her.  She said she had wanted girls but she had boys so she was done.  She was gone for 2 days....came home.....and acted like a perfect mother.  She goes through periods of hoarding.  sometimes their house looks disgusting.  She become overwhelmed and doesn't clean, and opens every storage container until things are piled up...every where.  She can't handle organzing an event.  When we shoe up for a birthday party, he has over purchased food at the last minute, invited a ton of guests and then everyone at the party is setting up the food because she is losing it!?  She also wants new things life washing machines, refridgerators, beds.....all of the time.  She is always controling.  We never see them on holidays and rarely see them at all. (antisocial).  My brother is never home alone with the kids and can never take a phone call without her answering your questions through the phone.   

In terms of day to day parenting...she loves her babies, but dislikes toddlers.  She is overly strict.  Micromanages everything the boys do.  Puts them down in public and redirects almost every action.  She passively put others down for trying to help them.  Potty training: she won't offer drinks do they don't have to go to the bathroom.  She set them on the toilet.....until they go. 

Ugh, I cannot even write anymore.  I am so upset with my brother for letting this go on.  My point is that Bipolar is VERY OBVIOUS.  I have never known anyone to be slightly bipolar.  Have you looked into various form of mild depression?

mommyfied

shaw:

My SIL is bipolar.  It's pretty obvious, but I guess it could range on a spectrum.  For instance,  she will go through periods where she doesn't come home.  My brother once found the kids in their car seats alone.  She was gone.  He drove to find her and she refused to get into the car.  She didn't think they needed her.  She said she had wanted girls but she had boys so she was done.  She was gone for 2 days....came home.....and acted like a perfect mother.  She goes through periods of hoarding.  sometimes their house looks disgusting.  She become overwhelmed and doesn't clean, and opens every storage container until things are piled up...every where.  She can't handle organzing an event.  When we shoe up for a birthday party, he has over purchased food at the last minute, invited a ton of guests and then everyone at the party is setting up the food because she is losing it!?  She also wants new things life washing machines, refridgerators, beds.....all of the time.  She is always controling.  We never see them on holidays and rarely see them at all. (antisocial).  My brother is never home alone with the kids and can never take a phone call without her answering your questions through the phone.   

In terms of day to day parenting...she loves her babies, but dislikes toddlers.  She is overly strict.  Micromanages everything the boys do.  Puts them down in public and redirects almost every action.  She passively put others down for trying to help them.  Potty training: she won't offer drinks do they don't have to go to the bathroom.  She set them on the toilet.....until they go. 

Ugh, I cannot even write anymore.  I am so upset with my brother for letting this go on.  My point is that Bipolar is VERY OBVIOUS.  I have never known anyone to be slightly bipolar.  Have you looked into various form of mild depression?

My only two references is my cousin which have it kind of like me - naive, easily distracted and has to stand out and be exceptional (outwards), we get into depressions and hyperactive states - but we do not hurt others (we don't pull others down in order to be "great", and we would never hurt or neglect people) - and my mother - which is on your SIL's part of the scale. She left me unattended the entire day, my father was at work - he would find me in the same diaper he left me with in the morning, and eating a end piece of bread I had pulled down from the counter. (When they divorced she and her new BF also did some other things to me when I visited on weekends)

So I do everything in my power to NOT ever do anything to be a bad mom. So I don't know if I have this bipolar -thing or if I am over thinking, stressing and just don't want to end up like my mom (Everyone told me that the things she did and the mental illness could be social inherited - some emphasized more than others that it would).

Blah - why does what you experienced in your childhood come back to hunt you when you have left it behind you? It is not fear!

heyitsme

shaw:

Ugh, I cannot even write anymore.  I am so upset with my brother for letting this go on.  My point is that Bipolar is VERY OBVIOUS.  I have never known anyone to be slightly bipolar.  Have you looked into various form of mild depression?

I respectfully disagree.

When people hear "bipolar" they instantly think of someone who has these bouts of insane highs and craziness and then go into huge lows, are suicidal, etc. The media's pretty good at portraying it that way. Bipolar is NOT always VERY OBVIOUS, though.

In fact, there are two forms of bipolar disorder. Bipolar I is the one most people know about. And while there ARE extremes, they present themselves differently in different individuals. For some people, during their mania they can't sleep, they talk rapidly, etc. It's as if they have had 4000 Red Bulls intravenously. For others, they are completely irrational and make poor decisions. Manic episodes vary, as do the depressive episodes.

The other form of Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar II, is less known about. It's the type of Bipolar Disorder that I have (diagnosed at the age of 20 but my symptoms were present for many years before). With Bipolar II your your manias are fewer and less lengthy, and the periods of depression are LONG. Bipolar II varies from just basic depression based on the fact that manias have a distinct pattern to them--it's sort of hard to explain.

I've gotten to the point, 13 years later, where I can anticipate my manias coming and am pretty in tune with myself. But that has come after years on medication and therapy. Therapy and a good support system really have been key along the way. (ETA: Just reading your post you posted while I was typing this. You know, I had a lot of cruddy things happen to me growing up, and I will always wonder how much of my diagnosis came from things that were "situational." Counseling helped a ton with that, but when I got through a lot of the built-up stuff, I could see that the Bipolar II was sort of side-by-side with that. Working through the issues didn't make everything go away like I thought it would.)

I have two children, work full-time, my husband works full-time AND part-time (so when not at work, I am the primary caregiver), and seem to do pretty well 95% of the time. (I think, haha!)

At the moment, I'm free of medication, but that doesn't mean I won't ever go back on it when I need it. I'm not anti-medication, but we are TTC and I have preferred to be off of medication if possible when TTC/pregnant. Thankfully, pregnancy hormones seem to be nice to me.

Being a mom and having a mental illness can be a huge challenge at times, but we all have challenges to overcome and this one is mine.

If you truly feel it might be something you have, there's no harm at all in pursuing it. Good luck. 

mommyfied

heyitsme:

shaw:

Ugh, I cannot even write anymore.  I am so upset with my brother for letting this go on.  My point is that Bipolar is VERY OBVIOUS.  I have never known anyone to be slightly bipolar.  Have you looked into various form of mild depression?

I respectfully disagree.

When people hear "bipolar" they instantly think of someone who has these bouts of insane highs and craziness and then go into huge lows, are suicidal, etc. The media's pretty good at portraying it that way. Bipolar is NOT always VERY OBVIOUS, though.

In fact, there are two forms of bipolar disorder. Bipolar I is the one most people know about. And while there ARE extremes, they present themselves differently in different individuals. For some people, during their mania they can't sleep, they talk rapidly, etc. It's as if they have had 4000 Red Bulls intravenously. For others, they are completely irrational and make poor decisions. Manic episodes vary, as do the depressive episodes.

The other form of Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar II, is less known about. It's the type of Bipolar Disorder that I have (diagnosed at the age of 20 but my symptoms were present for many years before). With Bipolar II your your manias are fewer and less lengthy, and the periods of depression are LONG. Bipolar II varies from just basic depression based on the fact that manias have a distinct pattern to them--it's sort of hard to explain.

I've gotten to the point, 13 years later, where I can anticipate my manias coming and am pretty in tune with myself. But that has come after years on medication and therapy. Therapy and a good support system really have been key along the way. (ETA: Just reading your post you posted while I was typing this. You know, I had a lot of cruddy things happen to me growing up, and I will always wonder how much of my diagnosis came from things that were "situational." Counseling helped a ton with that, but when I got through a lot of the built-up stuff, I could see that the Bipolar II was sort of side-by-side with that. Working through the issues didn't make everything go away like I thought it would.)

I have two children, work full-time, my husband works full-time AND part-time (so when not at work, I am the primary caregiver), and seem to do pretty well 95% of the time. (I think, haha!)

At the moment, I'm free of medication, but that doesn't mean I won't ever go back on it when I need it. I'm not anti-medication, but we are TTC and I have preferred to be off of medication if possible when TTC/pregnant. Thankfully, pregnancy hormones seem to be nice to me.

Being a mom and having a mental illness can be a huge challenge at times, but we all have challenges to overcome and this one is mine.

If you truly feel it might be something you have, there's no harm at all in pursuing it. Good luck. 

Thank you

You have no idea what your words meant to me! I truly appreciate you taking the time, and it is comforting to know that to be bipolar and a parent can work

So this is really a heartfelt THANK YOU!