Deep Family situation Long (FFTC?)
Mysterious_wife
member
I have stopped having a relationship with my youngest brother and his mother.
Backstory: My brother is a functioning autistic, bipolar, schizophrenic mess. He also has a chromosomal abnormality called Klinefelter's. He was diagnosed at 8. His mother is my ex-stepmother.
He is now 19 and has the mind of a 14-15 year old. He is almost caught up to "normal mentality." His mother is still not making him responsible for his actions. (My dad isn't a saint in the situation, either). My dad is trying to make things better. He forces brother to go see his therapist and doctors. Mother will not follow the directions of brother's doctors. (Honestly, she never has. At one point she was not allowed around brother.) Over the course of the last year brother, has been in and out of jail and mental facilities.
My dad has tried and tried to get mother to see what she is doing. She goes behind dad's back and gives brother cars, phones, money, electronics, etc. Things the doctors have said time after time he should not have. My dad takes them away and all hell breaks loose. Brother lashes out and has a full blown bipolar episode. (I often wonder if he does it for the same reasons toddlers do it) About a year ago, my dad gave up. He signed over brother to mother.
I know this isn't fully brother's fault. He is sick. He needs structure and medication he isn't forced to take. She treats him like a normal adult/teen. He is not normal. He is mentally disabled. At the same time 14 year old kids know right from wrong. 14 year old kids get punishment. Instead brother gets cars he isn't legally allowed to drive. Phones he uses to commit crimes. (FTR I called the cops once I found out he was driving, my family thinks it was a neighbor)
My dad was in denial for years. They both let small things go. Things my oldest brother and I would have never been able to get away with. I think my dad had guilt for the way he treated my older brother and myself, along with guilt from my youngest brother's mental state. Once the larger things started it was too late to control the situation and he didn't know how. He did take parenting classes and did a lot of research on how to handle a mental sick child.
I much rather ignore the situation and not know what is going on. It hurts to see my brother in so much ***. The brother I took up for isn't the same brother anymore. The brother I use to sit with so my dad could get a break. The uncle who adored my child, is no longer allowed to be around her. This *** hurts. It hurts to the core. I have to do what is best for my child. Brother snaps all the time now. I want A to be innocent for a long time. I don't want her to know my brother is capable of harming us. (before you say I am over reacting, he has broken my dad's nose and foot) I have made too many excuses for him. I am sick of lying to my child.
I am second guessing myself daily. I see brother posting things on FB and it makes me want to pick up the phone. Instead, I just keep quiet. I don't comment on his FB anymore. I stopped responding to his IMs. I feel awful, but it is best for me. At some point I will delete him on FB. Just not today.
Re: Deep Family situation Long (FFTC?)
I also don't think you are overreacting. I have no idea what it is like to have a sibling with such a disability, but I agree with your decisions, even if they are the hardest thing to do. Do what's right for your family. I think that's all you can do.
Hang in there!
Unfortunately, you are right. It still hurts.
I think living a state away has helped the situation. A doesn't have a lot of questions. She really doesn't miss him. She knew he lived with "friends" when we lived there. She got use to him being gone a lot. He was in treatment facilities
Thanks for the support ladies.
Thank you! I am going to check this out. It might be a great resource for all of us. I appreciate it.