Need Advice...

tkseg09

My DH and I decided that we want to start TTC in June, shooting for a March baby.  We've been fairly set on this for the last couple of months.  Yesterday DH's sister asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding the first week of April.  She said we will need to order our dresses in the next few weeks because they might be discontinued soon.  What would you all do?  If we stick to our plans, I will have just had a baby 2-4 weeks before her wedding.  If we wait, it puts that much more time between DS and a sibling.  At this point there will already be almost 3.5 years between them.  If we go ahead and start trying now, I'd have about 8 weeks before the wedding.  I know this is all dependent on how quickly I conceive.  Every time is different, but we conceived the first month of trying with DS, so I'm assuming it will be similar this time, however naive that may seem.  The dress she picked out has a lot of lace on the shoulders and back, so I don't think that part can really be altered.  DH was really excited she asked me and said that was a huge step for her.  She and I have really worked hard to have a better relationship recently, so this is a big deal to his family for her to have asked me.  So backing out doesn't seem like it will be much of an option unless it was 100% necessary due to an emergency or something.

SmileyJay

Would it be possible to pull her aside and explain your situation? I think she would really appreciate being in the loop about this. I know that is more than you want her to know but given the circumstance I think it would be fitting to just talk to her about your reservations. I would say something like "I cant even tell you how excited I am you asked me, I feel like we are getting so much closer to each other and I am so honored to be in your wedding. I need you to know I only have one reservation. We are planning to ttc soon and, if all goes well, I would be having a baby just before your wedding. If it takes me a while to conceive it could mean I am 9 months pregnant at your wedding. How can we work with this?" Then leave it open for her to suggest solutions. 

If she is reasonable at all she will be so excited about your new baby and just say "well hopefully you deliver before the wedding, if not, we can get you a back up dress that is the same color but for maternity".  The worst solution would be to not say a thing and then her find out months from now that you tried to conceive after accepting her request to have you in the bridal party without talking to her first. 

SmileyJay

ugh, I  just reread what I wrote. I don't mean she could be mad at you for ttc without talking to her first... but I think just about anyone would be annoyed if they already bought you a dress and planned around you and you knowingly accepted the invite even though you were planning to get pregnant. Does that make sense?

tkseg09

Under normal circumstances, if it were just a friend, I would have no reservations at all talking to her about it.  If I say anything at all to my SIL, the entire family will know that we're TTC.  The bridesmaids have to buy the dresses, so that wouldn't be a concern of her's.  She told me last night that she has backup girls for the ones that live out of state in case they can't make it.  I'm thinking that means she's not super attached to any one person being in the wedding aside from the maid of honor. I'm thinking maybe I should call the dress shop and ask them about that particular dress and alteration issues with it...

magdalina.h

Be in the wedding because it can take a healthy couple 6 months to a year to get pregnant.

It took 6 cycles with Aidan, one cycle with Lucas and 5 with this one.

fennyann

MelRC117:

Live your life as if you weren't pregnant or didn't have a newborn.  If it makes you feel better, order a few sizes up.  Don't order the dress until you have to.  I'm assuming by then you would know if you were PG or not.  When you order and you are PG have the seamstress see what can and cannot be altered.  I couldn't imagine there being a bridesmaid dress that could not be altered.

This.

Mysterious_wife

I was suppose to be 8 months pg at my BFF's wedding.  Due to a freak accident they had to move their wedding to Oct.  I was 6 weeks pp.  I bought my dress 3 sizes up.  It was altered to my pg state and then altered again to my pp state.  She let me pick a dress that was easy to alter.  I say get a dress that is easy to alter and go on with life. 

BriRic

Good question. I think what you do really depends if you get pregnant when you plan to. If you trust her not to spill a secret (if you want the baby to be a surprise) and if you don't think she'll be upset, I would pull her aside and talk with her about it. Maybe buy a bigger dress and if you aren't pregnant by the wedding you can always get it altered. Hopefully she would understand and not "kick" you out of the wedding because of it. Good luck!