Could use some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and recently got engaged in December. I'm 30 and he's 31. He has an 8 year old (whom I love to death and would do anything for) from a previous relationship and has always said he wanted another kid. Seeing that I have none of my own this was great. He always talks about how much he wants a baby and can't wait until we finally have one of our own.
But recently, we had thought I may have been pregnant and when that wasnt the case he was really bummed out. Now fast foward 2 weeks and he is dead set on not having any other kids. To the point that he is thinking about a vesectomy. He is known to over react with something is bothering him (thanks to his dads genes) which i am used to by now and usually just let the given issue be until he settles down but it has been 2 nights of nonstop arguements over this. He basically told me if I want a baby than I should probably find someone else. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this, without making a decision I may regret?
Re: okay guys, really could use your input on this one!
It sounds like he's making his intentions pretty clear, although he did change his mind from his previous position. It's his body, so it's up to you if you want to stay or go.
The way you put it sounds as though yall just thought you were pregnant and it ended up just being a late period or something. If thats the case, then his behavior is really odd. To go from "always talking about how he cant wait to have a baby with you" to all of a sudden being "deat set" on no more kids..just because you had a later period seems really off. Good luck
A major position change such as this, is probably just reaction to the situation at hand. He is dealing with what in his mind is probably about as close to a lost pregnancy/miscarriage without having one (unless you did and just chose to word it delicately). If he's prone to overreaction, this is probably the case.
I personally would not bring it up, and if he does, either try to change the subject, or diffuse the situation as best you can by saying something along the lines of, "Why don't we see how you feel in X amount of time, and revisit?"
You need to give him time to deal with this in his own way, without any pressure placed upon him. If the time passes and he still feels the same way, and the lack of your own child is a deal breaker, then address it when the time comes. That being said, I wouldn't put any money down on anything wedding related until after that time frame passes, or he goes back to his original line of thought.
i know i'm not a guy but i wanted to chime in. hope you don't mind
sounds like there is a totally different issue on his mind. step back from the conversation & work on strengthening your relationship
he got discouraged for some reason. just seems like there is more than this that is making him feel beaten down to the point he's considering a vesectamy (which is not always permanent, they come undone & can be reversed in some cases)
Plus if you know your man, ask yourself, how often does he act on his overreactions?
I think you both need to work on your marriage to come. & ensuring that you are making the right decision. As you both grow, you ideals will change. You'll understand how strong your love is and through that his desire to have a child for your may return.
The general etiquette of this board is we prefer women don't bump old threads started by other women. It kind of defeats the purpose of a Dad board if it is women talking to each other.
Understand that if a thread is a week old like this one, the OP is almost certainly never coming back and won't see your answer anyways.