Poor nutrition

hillsy71813

I'm struggling. Granted this is the first night we have my finances daughter back after she was at her BMs for the past week. But this isn't old news.

My fiancs 6year old believes she can eat what she wants whenever she wants it. Part of this is her BMs fault for being lazy and not having a designated dinner time. Today we picked up the kiddo from school. We took her home and gave her a snack a pBJ and chips and salsa between 3:304 we had dinner close to 7. We had burgers, watermelon, and corn. We cooked extra burgers incase. She was hungry and then She said she was full around 7:30 She ate all her burger and watermelon and a little corn. We took a bath and at 8:30 her bedtime which I have pushed for she claimed she was hungry. It is now almost 9. My fianc gave in to her complaints and whining. And I'm frustrated. I feel like the kiddo will never learn to eat when it's time to eat and she will get what she wants when she wants it.

Am I horrible? I feel like we fed her appropriately after school. I feel like the kiddo says she is hungry because it buys her more time. I suggest she drink some water before bed because that could be causing the feeling of being hungry.

The worst part is my fianc and I are not on the same page. He said no and agreed with me in the beginning and then changes his mind. It's irritating.
Am I in the wrong for wanting her to eat when it's time? And for her to get in bed when its bed time?!

Littlejen22

Yes you are wrong. She ate. Burger and watermelon and some corn and probably was full. An hour and a half later she is hungry. Why is she wrong? Why should she have to eat more than what fills her at dinner? That is all I would have eaten at dinner and then I probably would have wanted something before bed too so does that mean my Mom screwed up and I don't know how to eat three big meals a day or does it mean I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full and then eat again when hungry? You sound either very controlling or not ready to parent.

IfMamaAintHappy

I think it's a little harsh to say you're wrong without knowing the personality of your SD. For example, my SD7 is a notorious procrastinator when it comes to bedtime and she deploys every stall tactic known to man to avoid getting in bed. Claiming sudden hunger is one of them. However, she also drags her feet in leaving the house, getting ready for school, etc. So this is a personality issue and not a what we fed her for dinner issue.

My kids would be fine eating a snack after school and then a burger fruit around 7:00. They also go to bed around 8:30. I can't imagine they would be starving after eating an entire burger. Sometimes we do give SD a warning as it gets closer to brushing teeth time that if she is still hungry she needs to get a snack now and she knows the short list of appropriate snacks for the evening. My DH and I are on the same page though and that sounds like your real problem anyway.

cautionwillburneyes

I don't think I've met a 6 year old yet that hasn't asked for a bedtime snack.  I'm not sure why it should be that big of a deal.  It doesn't have to be a three course meal, just a piece of fruit or string cheese or something like the PP mentioned.  

I think you are being unnecessarily unreasonable and are going to have a frustrating and long road ahead of you unless you relax a little.  

meo34

Lurker popping in.  My son is 7 and no way he could eat more than one burger in a sitting.  But yes he may be hungry a few hours later and need a snack.  Especillay before bed.  They have smalll tummies as a pp said and I second it is healthier to eat small meals more often than 3 big meals.  

All of my friends children and neices and nephews have a small snack before bed, usually fruit or cheese or yogurt.  Maybe you could read up on some articles for kids nutrition if this is new territory for you.

I also should add I have a small build myself and don't tend to eat big meals either, and yes I do have a "bedtime" snack....lol! 

Tasheystar

I think the title of the post is misleading. Poor nutrition to me is eating crap all the time. Anyway.

ODS doesn't ever ask me for a snack before bed, but if my kid is hungry I feed him. Period. It might not always be what he wants, but he can eat. For example he'll ask me for crackers and I'll get him to have some fruit first, then some crackers if he's still hungry.

I think you're overreacting a bit.

Sunday924

She did eat when it was time to eat. I don't see how any of the issues you pointed out have anything to do with BM or a desiganted dinner time. 

I have a 6 yo and if she had breakfast, lunch, a snack the size of a meal, and dinner I wouldn't let her have a bedtime snack because I'd be worried she is going to be overweight. 

Littlejen22

IfMamaAintHappy:

I think it's a little harsh to say you're wrong without knowing the personality of your SD. For example, my SD7 is a notorious procrastinator when it comes to bedtime and she deploys every stall tactic known to man to avoid getting in bed. Claiming sudden hunger is one of them. However, she also drags her feet in leaving the house, getting ready for school, etc. So this is a personality issue and not a what we fed her for dinner issue.

My kids would be fine eating a snack after school and then a burger fruit around 7:00. They also go to bed around 8:30. I can't imagine they would be starving after eating an entire burger. Sometimes we do give SD a warning as it gets closer to brushing teeth time that if she is still hungry she needs to get a snack now and she knows the short list of appropriate snacks for the evening. My DH and I are on the same page though and that sounds like your real problem anyway.

But if she believed it was procrastination she would have stated that. OPs problem was that the child was not eating enough at dinner and then hungry again at bedtime. Well what the child is eating is a solid meal for many kids her age and even too much for many kids her age. If the problem was procrastination it is easy to solve by having her eat a snack 15 min before bedtime routine. I uses to think my son only wanted water because he was procrastinating but learned if I tell him to go potty and have a small drink of water he no longer asks and he always takes the water.

hillsy71813

Ok. So I was upset and venting last night. Part of the problem is the BM. I didn't obviously go into further detail of the "poor nutrition" And how it could possibly be the stem of the issue. i looked at my thread and thought I typed a lot so I quit with my nagging. So for further detail...

SD tells us that she doesn't eat breakfast when she is at her moms. The past two Mondays she has come home she says she doesn't eat breakfast, If she does she eat, its a Swiss roll and or a little piece of sausage . BM and BD call every night when they don't have their daughter. Every night my fianc calls, she is eating dinner around 8:30 because she plays with friends from the minute she gets out of school to the minute no one can play anymore.

SD sleeps with BM in BMs bed so SD falls asleep around 10:30. Come morning, SD tells us that her mom let's her sleep in later so her mom can get ready and do her make up and then SD says by that time there is no time for breakfast. For her snack, BM packs per packaged snacks that you can buy in bulk from SAMs or Costco. Candy and two capris suns. For dinner BM doesn't cook so they go out to eat the majority of the time.

This is where part of the underlying issue is. She has a whole week of this kind of routine. Which BD and I don't agree with. Ours is completley opposite. We wake up get her fed, pack her a lunch with fruit, protein, grains, etc. when we were driving home from school yesterday SD said how tired she was and she looked tired!

We have broken the habit of SD needing to have her dad sleep with her,while she is here at our house. we have gotten her to sleep in her own bed, and have a reasonable bedtime of 8:30 before I was in the picture SD was 5 and stayed up until 10 SD is turning 7 in July.

I may have been harsh about the snack. But getting her out of the tub was a chore and getting her to do her reading homework was a chore partially due to her being tired. I believe 8:30 is still a bit late for a 6 year olds bedtime. That's why I was harsh because if she gets in bed at 9, she won't fall asleep until 9:30.

Please don't think I don't offer her snacks, as we usually eat dinner earlier than 7 and therefore I do give her time warning/countdowns to give her an opportunity for a snack.

ambrvan

hillsy71813:

Ok. So I was upset and venting last night. Part of the problem is the BM. I didn't obviously go into further detail of the "poor nutrition" And how it could possibly be the stem of the issue. i looked at my thread and thought I typed a lot so I quit with my nagging. So for further detail...

SD tells us that she doesn't eat breakfast when she is at her moms. The past two Mondays she has come home she says she doesn't eat breakfast, If she does she eat, its a Swiss roll and or a little piece of sausage . BM and BD call every night when they don't have their daughter. Every night my fianc calls, she is eating dinner around 8:30 because she plays with friends from the minute she gets out of school to the minute no one can play anymore.

SD sleeps with BM in BMs bed so SD falls asleep around 10:30. Come morning, SD tells us that her mom let's her sleep in later so her mom can get ready and do her make up and then SD says by that time there is no time for breakfast. For her snack, BM packs per packaged snacks that you can buy in bulk from SAMs or Costco. Candy and two capris suns. For dinner BM doesn't cook so they go out to eat the majority of the time.

This is where part of the underlying issue is. She has a whole week of this kind of routine. Which BD and I don't agree with. Ours is completley opposite. We wake up get her fed, pack her a lunch with fruit, protein, grains, etc. when we were driving home from school yesterday SD said how tired she was and she looked tired!

We have broken the habit of SD needing to have her dad sleep with her,while she is here at our house. we have gotten her to sleep in her own bed, and have a reasonable bedtime of 8:30 before I was in the picture SD was 5 and stayed up until 10 SD is turning 7 in July.

I may have been harsh about the snack. But getting her out of the tub was a chore and getting her to do her reading homework was a chore partially due to her being tired. I believe 8:30 is still a bit late for a 6 year olds bedtime. That's why I was harsh because if she gets in bed at 9, she won't fall asleep until 9:30.

Please don't think I don't offer her snacks, as we usually eat dinner earlier than 7 and therefore I do give her time warning/countdowns to give her an opportunity for a snack.

All of this is your problem. And.not in the way you are thinking it is. The problem is that you are worrying entirely too much about what BM does on her time.and how she is parenting SD. You may not agree, but you can't change it. Thinking of it the way you are is going to drive you crazy and majorly stress your relatiinship with SD and your FI. And I mean MAJORLY! First off, you MUST stop worrying about what you cannot control at BM's house.

Secondly, keep things consistent at your house. If SD says she doesn't do xyz at BM's, just say very cheerfully that that's nice but you do things differently here.

Thirdly, if there is something you and your FI are not on the same page on and it is not causing serious harm or detriment to SD or your household, then let FI take the lead and leave the responsibility of it to him. Such aa the current issue. This is one that I would leave to him if you cannot be on the same page together. It will alleviate a lot of stress from you all. I promise.

But do all of this kindly. No snark involved.