Unhappy!

Texasgrly86

My mom is married to a man who I am not very fond of. There are personal things I had to deal with while growing up and just have no respect for him. Well, my sister has a kid who calls him grandpa because she is living with them and basicly supporting her. Well, my husband and I live on our own and I dont need their support. Here is my problem. He thinks that he should be grandpa with my child. He has two grandkids from his own kids and does nothing for them. Everytime I see him he calls himself pawpaw but I do not say anything because of my mom, but I have already told them how I feel. My mom wants to watch the baby but I am not letting her because he keeps doing it. How should I handle this?

pitterpatter129

Well.... if he's your stepfather, then technically he is your children's grandfather.  Doesn't mean you have to like him though.  I think him wanting to be called Pawpaw makes sense though since, legally, he is.  If you don't like him and don't want him around your kids, then don't leave them there though. Maybe your mom can come visit at your house more often?

 

 

 

 

Runaway22

Was he a danger to you, or is he a potential danger to your daughter? If the answer is no to both questions, I'd just deal with it. He may not be "dad" to you, but I would try not to let that affect his relationship with my child, absent any potential danger. IMO, my kid deserves all the safe, loving family he can get. 

adamsabigail14

Is there a reason you don't like him so much? Or is it just because he's your step dad? I had a very hard time with my step dad we butt heads constantly until I matured. We still disagree on things but to be honest Even if I hated thee man personally he would still be my kids grandpa. If he is willing to love and cares about your baby why have such a problem? Like pp said I want my baby to have all the love and support available from family. Whether I like them or not. And if this man loves your mom enough to be with her even though she had children that were not his own and he would even support one of those adult children he doesn't seem like such a terrible guy. I hope one day I could find a man who could love both me and my baby and one day even our grand baby's.

Justinlove

Runaway22:

Was he a danger to you, or is he a potential danger to your daughter? If the answer is no to both questions, I'd just deal with it. He may not be "dad" to you, but I would try not to let that affect his relationship with my child, absent any potential danger. IMO, my kid deserves all the safe, loving family he can get. 

i agree.  DH's mom is remarried.  DH does not consider him a stepdad (he was raised by his fater and had sporadic contact with his mom/stepdad growing up).  They always refer to themselves as grandma and grandpa.  While DH does not feel that connection with his SD, we both agree that there is no harm in our girls having that.  The more, the merrier...and we have found that g'kids have really helped bring a lot of extended family closer. 

Texasgrly86

He abused my sister and I when I was a kid. My mom tried killing herself a year ago and he did nothing about it and luckly my grandma was there to help her. He has always hit on my friends when I was growing up and I just do not see him as a great person to be around.

PnkDingo

Texasgrly86:

He abused my sister and I when I was a kid. My mom tried killing herself a year ago and he did nothing about it and luckly my grandma was there to help her. He has always hit on my friends when I was growing up and I just do not see him as a great person to be around.

 

Then you've solved your own dilemma. Do not leave your children with them/him, and invite your mother over by herself more often when she makes comments about wanting to "watch the baby" so that she gets more time with the baby solo, but if she's in a headspace where she wanted to -kill herself- I don't think I'd be letting her watch my kid any time soon, and no, a year is not a long time ago, especially not with mental issues, I really hope she's getting ongoing help... I'm just going to leave this link right here:
https://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57571577-504083/debra-denison-conn-grandma-killed-her-two-grandchildren-then-herself-police-say/

Like PP's have said, it doesn't matter what he calls himself if you're not comfortable with him himself around your child/children, so that shouldn't be the carrot you dangle in front of your mom.  Make the choice about what kind of contact you're willing to have and stick to it.

 

Texasgrly86

Thanks. She is back on her meds and I agree. I just wish I wasnt put in a difficult situation.