Pissed and need advice long

KariAnnM 23

Let me preface this by saying this girl and I use to be best friends until she started dating a mutual friend and she started cheating on him. I called her out on it never told him and she and I never spoke again. They later broke up and have since both married and had kids.
So I get this message from her on FB tonight.

Hey Kari,
So I stumbled upon your blog a couple weeks back and I must say.. You've had quite a difficult road. I can't even imagine. I know when we started trying early last year I was pretty anxious assuming it was going to take forever. Fortunately for us It only took several months. I'm not gloating. I understand heartache. Our little man was born with a tumor in his heart. Absolutely had no fore warning.. I did everything right, was healthy, exercised. Had a perfect pregnancy. Did everything I needed too. Just goes to show you, we're not in control.
Ok, so the point of this rambling short story. I need you to forgive me. Here's why. I read your blog like I said.. A couple weeks ago. And was almost satisfied that you've had this struggle. Apparently unbeknownst to myself I've harbored ill feelings ever since the Chris fiasco. It was ages ago, and I could seriously care less, but It appears that somewhere deep down.. I have un resolved issues of what happened between the two of us. It was almost like I felt karma has made its payback. The moment I started feeling smug toward your story was the minute I knew I was dead wrong. Like I said, I know heartache especially in the baby department. Hopefully one of yours takes and you and your hubby can have the baby you most certainly desire. I can only pray that my little boy stays healthy and had no further issues.
I feel awful about the way I felt when reading about your hurdles, and I wish you and Matt nothing but success.
Good luck Kari. I'm sorry that I felt the way that I did. I hope things work out for your family.
Natalie


I want I respond but I'm not sure what to say. Any advice?

firesiren

Wow.  I'd sit on this a couple days before responding. I'm pissed for you. I don't think she should have told you that she thought karma got payback.  It'd be like you saying her baby's tumor was payback for cheating.  That's pretty childish and plain wrong.    ((HUGS)) to you and I sincerely hope you get your baby.  No one deserves IF.

Crystal120410

Oh holy moly dude. I would definitely think on this before you reply. Actually if it was me I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a reply. Whether you are nice or nasty it will be what she expects. I would just say nothing at all like she isn't worth the time or effort to give her a response. In my opinion it doesn't deserve a response but that's just me. Good luck on your decision. 

WindyCity33

I'd reply with a *** slap. What a wretched person. So, according to her thinking the challenges she's endured with her son must be karma? F'ed up.

golfrgal

Steer clear away from this self-absorbed person. She is not a friend. Sometimes you have to realize that breaking up with a friend is for your best health.  And, forgiving her will only feel satisfying until she does something selfish again and starts your next fight (been there, done that several times with an old friend of mine and it's not worth hurting yourself over her.) 

Give yourself a hug and be strong. 

oO Angie Oo

I read and then read it again. I don't think this person is a good person and someone you should have in your life. But.... On the other hand I think she is being honest with you. I would reply if I was in your situation and make  peace and move on. Again, this isn't soneone I would bring into my life but if I was you I'd wish her little guy good health and forgive her (then forget her). 

 

whoberry

WTF!!!!  There is something seriously wrong with that girl.  She was in the wrong when she cheated, was in the wrong when she got mad at you for calling her out on it, she was in the wrong when she felt smug that you have IF and she was in the wrong when she sent that message.  I can never understand why people who cheat get mad when they are held to task for it.  She is a selfish, self-absorbed biotch.  If anything she should be apologizing to you for being upset that you called her out on cheating but instead she just insults you further and tries to make it sound like she cares about your struggle.  I wouldn't even bother responding. No matter what you say it will have no impact on someone like that.

Desmo35

"I need you to forgive me"...for what? In hopes that nothing bad will come her way? How about just an apology? I'm sorry for cheating on ____ and you were right to call me out. I was wrong." and leave it at that. There was no need to bring up your blog or her child. Her intentions are all wrong and it seems that she's not the least bit sorry for her actions in the past, nor does it seem like she even takes personal responsibility for what she did.

I had a fallout with my best friend 6 years ago. We are both stubborn girls, but I had it in my heat to seek her out and apologize for what I had done. I didn't expect the same from her and I didn't place any blame on her. I was responsible for my actions and I told her that this wasn't a way to try to fix things or even trying to get her to forgive me. All I could do was what was right and from there she had to make her own choice. At first, she admitted that to her it was a "pissing contest" to see who caved first but then she saw my honesty and sincerity. She has since apologized for her part in the situation and we a now friends...not best friends like before, but we are in each other's lives again.

I personally would not respond to this and if you do, give it some time and have someone look over what you write before you send it. Her apology should be sincere and she should be able to see her wrong doing and have learned from it. If she truly believes that by asking you to forgive her, that her life will be better, she's got a lot to learn!  

Grateful&Thankful

What a wench! She tries to come off as honest and humbled but clearly after reading this, everything is still all about her! For her to even INSINUATE that your fertility problems is a result of karma....just UGH, just freakin UGHHH!!! She could have seriously left that part out  ! She doesn't even sound like she has taken any responsibility for her part in the falling out of the friendship. Because of that, I would not even respond. She does not sound sincere.  GL with whatever decision you make. 

megs3084

Wow. Honestly I wouldn't respond would block her. She sounds like the wrong kinda person to have around you.

hmz819

I honestly don't know how you respond to this. Basically, she is saying you are struggling because of a stupid fight the two of you had years ago. She is a waste of space. If someone wrote that to me I would tell her off then unfriend her and block her.

yoder92

Wow! You should certainly take a few days to think about it, you've got to be shocked. But I think you should forgive her. Of course only tell her that you forgive her if you really do, wouldn't be right otherwise. In my life I have come to realize that I need to be forgiven constantly, so when someone asks me for forgiveness, I know that I need to. I can't say it's always come easy to do this, but it's the best thing for them and for me as well. Don't want to sound preachy, but I know hearing a Bible verse often reminds me of what I need to do when times like these arise. Colossians 3:13 says, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." 

 

Hope this helps. 

AustinAg03

Sorry this girl spilled her baggage on you to help her feel better about herself.  I agree with previous posters that you should not respond at all...just block her and move on.  She is doing this for totally selfish reasons...there's nothing in that letter that is meant to help or support you...it's a way for her to unload her regrets about being a crappy person!  She wants you to validate her.  And if it were me, I wouldn't give her that because she doesn't deserve it.  Whatever you decide, I hope that you can get your point across and be at peace to move past her!  {{{hugs}}}

ElleBeeKay

Crystal120410:

Oh holy moly dude. I would definitely think on this before you reply. Actually if it was me I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a reply. Whether you are nice or nasty it will be what she expects. I would just say nothing at all like she isn't worth the time or effort to give her a response. In my opinion it doesn't deserve a response but that's just me. Good luck on your decision. 

This. She is obviously someone you do not want or need in your life. So sorry she sent that, though!

KezziRiv

Honestly, I feel like this is a frenemy move.  She didn't have to tell you that she thought it was karma and she didn't have to say it several times.  I think she still thinks this way and is using this as a move to let you know. It's rubbing salt in the wound.  I agree with PP to ignore this and not respond.  Frenemies are the WORST and they insult you with a smile on their face, this broad seems to think she can send this little 'friendly' note and bam she's got "forgiveness" for something she hasn't apologized for AND she got to insult you in the deal.  No way, friend.

SmileyJay

So one reply would be:

Natalie,

A few years ago I heard you were pregnant and I was jealous at first. Well, your child was born with a serious heart defect which made the news far less sour for me. Just goes to show you you're not in control.  Even though it's been a long time since you took advantage of our dear mutual friend by cheating on him and then showed your true colors by being angry with me for calling your crap, when I heard about your son's tumor I felt that karma finally made a comeback. The only reason I knew it was wrong to feel this way is because I have struggled with infertility myself. You have to forgive me even though you are essentially forgiving me for a thought that you shouldn't have even known about if I had just kept my mouth shut and not written this email. Have a nice life with success and whatever.

-Kari 

Not recommended, though. I would just write back... "I have moved on from the past. Thanks for your honesty and support. I hope your little one stays healthy and strong!" and just leave it at that. It makes you come off as mature and level headed. You don't owe her anything or a long reply about forgiveness. This is tricky, don't get too bothered by it! 

katmarso

TheCraftyKoala:

So one reply would be:

Natalie,

A few years ago I heard you were pregnant and I was jealous at first. Well, your child was born with a serious heart defect which made the news far less sour for me. Just goes to show you you're not in control.  Even though it's been a long time since you took advantage of our dear mutual friend by cheating on him and then showed your true colors by being angry with me for calling your crap, when I heard about your son's tumor I felt that karma finally made a comeback. The only reason I knew it was wrong to feel this way is because I have struggled with infertility myself. You have to forgive me even though you are essentially forgiving me for a thought that you shouldn't have even known about if I had just kept my mouth shut and not written this email. Have a nice life with success and whatever.

-Kari 

Not recommended, though. I would just write back... "I have moved on from the past. Thanks for your honesty and support. I hope your little one stays healthy and strong!" and just leave it at that. It makes you come off as mature and level headed. You don't owe her anything or a long reply about forgiveness. This is tricky, don't get too bothered by it! 

Ugh, that's so tough.  I would definitely stick to something like this....and really move on.  I wouldn't give her another thought after you press send.

sorrellam30

Crystal120410:

Oh holy moly dude. I would definitely think on this before you reply. Actually if it was me I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a reply. Whether you are nice or nasty it will be what she expects. I would just say nothing at all like she isn't worth the time or effort to give her a response. In my opinion it doesn't deserve a response but that's just me. Good luck on your decision.nbsp;

Agree

kentcarrie

While I would not try to have her as a friend in my life, I would forgive her and let her know.  Forgive and move on.  Best for your soul. Good luck  

Peanutz21

That stinks. I think it's ok to forgive but you don't have to write her some love poem about how you've forgiven. You can choose to forgive in your heart and move on.  She's obviously a terrible person. Who needs a friend like that in their life?? I think it'd be best to not respond .... Ad not waste emotions on a bad person. Don't let it bother you because then she wins. 

Cant stop thinking about the movie Just Friends when Anna Faris sings that song "... Forgiveness... Is more than saying sorry!!!"   Comical but oh so wise.  

Sunny B

Wow. Screw her. Honestliy, any person that could tell me that she felt smug when she read of my struggles and reference Karma can *** off. And I mean it. I'm so sorry that you had such a poison person in your life. I wouldn't respond at all. And if I did, it would be filled with horrible explitives because there are certain things I just can't look past, and this is it.

whoberry

TheCraftyKoala:

So one reply would be:

Natalie,

A few years ago I heard you were pregnant and I was jealous at first. Well, your child was born with a serious heart defect which made the news far less sour for me. Just goes to show you you're not in control.  Even though it's been a long time since you took advantage of our dear mutual friend by cheating on him and then showed your true colors by being angry with me for calling your crap, when I heard about your son's tumor I felt that karma finally made a comeback. The only reason I knew it was wrong to feel this way is because I have struggled with infertility myself. You have to forgive me even though you are essentially forgiving me for a thought that you shouldn't have even known about if I had just kept my mouth shut and not written this email. Have a nice life with success and whatever.

-Kari 

Not recommended, though. I would just write back... "I have moved on from the past. Thanks for your honesty and support. I hope your little one stays healthy and strong!" and just leave it at that. It makes you come off as mature and level headed. You don't owe her anything or a long reply about forgiveness. This is tricky, don't get too bothered by it! 

Hahaha! Love the first one, hilarious!