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July 2011 Moms
LyndseyLC
member
anyone else's baby daddy still not there yet?
LyndseyLC
member
DH and I have honestly had serious issues every since DD was born and they keep escalating. I have tried to get him to go to counseling but he refuses. He calls me names and says mean things when we argue and often DD is present. He does watch her when I work on Tues am and Sat am but has still not grown up and often at least once or twice weekly is out late at a friends house. an example that saddened me tonight was on our way home from his parents I was telling DD that DH should brush her teeth tonight since she likes it when he does it. when get home go for a short walk I start a bath for her and he randomly says I am running to ___house be back in about an hour..well DD and I took a bath and got ready for bed then it came time to brush her teeth and he wasnt home. she was looking for him, calling for him and everything and he wasnt here but at a friends..to add he was gone all day from like 9-5:30 on his motorcycle. there are so many other instances I could go on.O I almost forgot the huge one. Last Sunday night DD was having trouble breathing and I had to take her to ER and H didnt go at all and even fell asleep during the time I texted saying she might need to be admitted to the hospital. and yet he still doesnt ever think he did anything wrong. I am just so disappointed in him and honestly if I knew he would be like this as a father I wouldnt have married him.
what can I say or do to make him feel that he is needed/wanted and should be here for DD? I feel like normal parent/father would want to be with their child every second they can especially when things could be possible life threatening.
I did confront him tonight but then he said I owe him an apology because he wanted to spend time with me and was about to be sweet or something and I just told him that we wanted him here tonight and by the time he was out the door to friends I couldnt say anything.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: anyone else's baby daddy still not there yet?
You can do absolutely nothing to change him. He has to chose to change on his own and sadly that always happens on a person's own time schedule and in their own way. However, what you can do is chose how, when, and why YOU change.
Without knowing you or your situation, all I can suggest is that you decide what you want for yourself and your children and then you change yourself to make all of that possible.
Best wishes -
I went through something similar with DH. I couldn't believe how childish and selfish he was being. After I lost my sh!t on him too many times to count, he started to claim ignorance. At first I didn't believe him, but after analyzing things. I think he just didn't know any differently. His parents had the attitude (especially his mom) that the kids were just accessories to boost her self esteem. She did what she wanted (usually partying) no matter what it meant to the kids. DH said he can't ever remember being in bed before midnight on a school night when he was little.
Example: DH was working 80+ hours a week and usually was gone all weekend. I WFH and never EVER got a break from DS. DS was not sleeping at the time due to chronic constipation. I had some tight deadlines with work and I was losing my mind. I was starting to take it out on DS and I was feeling TERRIBLE about it. DH finally came home and had a free weekend and I was anticipating a nice break for myself (really just hoping for some sleep). DH decides he's going to go out of town for the weekend with friends. I was bawling and begging him to stay home and ended up going to my mom's house with DS so I could get some help. DH went out of town.
DH came home to the angriest wife ever to walk the face of the earth. When I unleashed on him, he said he didn't know that I needed help that badly. Uh, what? The bawling and begging wasn't a clue?!
Anyway, I had to basically threaten DH and I was *this close* to playing the divorce card. It took a while for him to get that I needed help and he still doesn't get it sometimes until I explain it. I kept trying to tell him that his life is completely different now and that he can't act like he did before baby.
It's possible your DH isn't purposely being a jerk, he could just be clueless. I didn't purposely withhold sex from DH, I just wasn't interested in getting busy with someone acting like that, but I think the lack of sex helped him to wake up a bit too.
You're in charge here. No, you can't change him, but you can expedite the process to make him want to change. Unfortunately, you might have to unleash your inner b!tch on him. I hate doing that, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Sorry for running on. Good luck ((hugs)).
Oh, and did you know that something like 85% of people in jail grew up without the presence of a father figure? I threw all kinds of these facts at DH. I was pretty desperate.
No one deserves to have the person they love call them names. It shows a deep down resentment and contempt.
He's turning the situation around on you and demanding an apology from you? He's being manipulative.
You're not going to change him. You need to start taking care of yourself and preparing for life after you husband, just in case he never has his awakening.
Sorry
Terrific news!