Adoption
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Patiently waiting

Our dossier was submitted 04/11.  Our original thought was we'd be travelling 5-6 weeks later. However, the first 2 weeks of May Ulysses' country has major holidays.  So we are getting pushed back approx 2 weeks.  We're now looking at the first week or 2 of June (which is still coming quick).

Seriously considering adding a 2nd child to our adoption.  Having a hard time finding a child in the same region with milder special needs.  Ulysses is going to need so much from us that I don't feel we can add any of the children we know for sure are with him.  The "team" is going to see if there are any other children available for adoption and let us know.  I'll definitely let you know what happens with that. 

 Other than that, I'm patiently waiting and trying to keep everything running as smoothly as possible at home for now.  Once we get travel dates it is going to get chaotic I'm sure. Enjoying my last peaceful weeks for a while.

 

 

Re: Patiently waiting

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    Wow, I am sorry that it is taking longer than you anticipated. What has brought you to consider adding another child? Not skeptical, just curious because I have considered adopting more than one at a time as well.

    Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.

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    I completely understand the pull to want to bring home more than one child at once.  When you are finally through the entire process, and you are faced with all the children needing homes, and you know you could love any and every one of them, it's so hard to not want to ask for special permission to adopt more than one child.

    For both of our adoptions, we were homestudy approved to accept up to two siblings (Peru won't allow simultaneous, non-sibling adoptions (although exceptions have been made)).  We knew we were prepared to adopt more than one child, and were open to that as a possibility if the right match presented itself.

    From your posts, I believe you are an awesome mother and that you and your husband have considered and prepared yourselves as thoroughly as possible for Ulysses' needs.  I want to caution you, though, in the gentlest manner.  When adopting "older" children, especially children who have special needs, there is often no way to tell how much their needs will require.  The transition is often very difficult, but even beyond that, the extent of the children's needs are often not truly known until the child has come through the attachment process and can be more accurately and adequately evaluated.  Even in situations where you have full access to the complete and full records pertaining to the child, sometimes things related to their early development just don't present themselves until later, and you may not know the full extent of your child's extra needs or how much of your resources, time, and support you will direct towards that child.

    I know that there are always unknowns when having a family--biological or otherwise--but when you are entering into the adoption of an "older" child with special needs, you are already aware that the child has suffered some trauma in life that will require extra attention, you just may not yet have an accurate picture of just how much that will be.  Please know that I come from a place of deep respect for you, and it's not that I am implying you are making a rash or overly-emotional decision.  It's not that at all:  I found that both my boys' needs turned out to be greater than we anticipated, even after researching, discussing their conditions with doctors, and making calculated decisions about just what kind of issues and how much we could handle as parents.  I love my sons with my whole heart, firmly believe we were lead to this point by God, and would do it all over again, but I also often feel that I couldn't handle much more and that my personal reserves are very low right now. Parenting these special needs children has demanded so much more of my energy, happiness, and strength than I ever would have imagined.  Please just keep this in mind as you make this decision, and be sure that you don't put yourselves in a position of maxing yourselves out beyond what you have to give.

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    imageirismorning:
    Wow, I am sorry that it is taking longer than you anticipated. What has brought you to consider adding another child? Not skeptical, just curious because I have considered adopting more than one at a time as well.

    I guess the reason that we've considered a 2nd child is that there are so many kids who need homes.  It would be cheaper to add a 2nd child now than to wait a few years and adopt again.  I thought from the beginning that we would try to adopt 2.  But Ulysses was the only one who drew me in the way he did.  Now that we're close to travelling I've been thinking about it again.  We'll see what happens.

     

     

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    imageCaptainSerious:

    I completely understand the pull to want to bring home more than one child at once.  When you are finally through the entire process, and you are faced with all the children needing homes, and you know you could love any and every one of them, it's so hard to not want to ask for special permission to adopt more than one child.

    For both of our adoptions, we were homestudy approved to accept up to two siblings (Peru won't allow simultaneous, non-sibling adoptions (although exceptions have been made)).  We knew we were prepared to adopt more than one child, and were open to that as a possibility if the right match presented itself.

    From your posts, I believe you are an awesome mother and that you and your husband have considered and prepared yourselves as thoroughly as possible for Ulysses' needs.  I want to caution you, though, in the gentlest manner.  When adopting "older" children, especially children who have special needs, there is often no way to tell how much their needs will require.  The transition is often very difficult, but even beyond that, the extent of the children's needs are often not truly known until the child has come through the attachment process and can be more accurately and adequately evaluated.  Even in situations where you have full access to the complete and full records pertaining to the child, sometimes things related to their early development just don't present themselves until later, and you may not know the full extent of your child's extra needs or how much of your resources, time, and support you will direct towards that child.

    I know that there are always unknowns when having a family--biological or otherwise--but when you are entering into the adoption of an "older" child with special needs, you are already aware that the child has suffered some trauma in life that will require extra attention, you just may not yet have an accurate picture of just how much that will be.  Please know that I come from a place of deep respect for you, and it's not that I am implying you are making a rash or overly-emotional decision.  It's not that at all:  I found that both my boys' needs turned out to be greater than we anticipated, even after researching, discussing their conditions with doctors, and making calculated decisions about just what kind of issues and how much we could handle as parents.  I love my sons with my whole heart, firmly believe we were lead to this point by God, and would do it all over again, but I also often feel that I couldn't handle much more and that my personal reserves are very low right now. Parenting these special needs children has demanded so much more of my energy, happiness, and strength than I ever would have imagined.  Please just keep this in mind as you make this decision, and be sure that you don't put yourselves in a position of maxing yourselves out beyond what you have to give.

    Thank you for your input. I do worry about taking on too much. Raising 5 kids is rough, and I know Ulysses is going to need so much from me.  It is scary thinking of adding another child.  It is definitely something I've wanted to do since finding Ulysses, but I don't know if it will happen or not.  This is a huge decision, and I'm definitely not sure one way or the other right now. 

    I'm definitely nervous that I'm going to get there and meet him and meet another child in his orphanage and fall in love and want to bring that child home.  But I do understand what you are saying. I already feel overwhelmed at times with my life the way it is now. (but I also felt like that at times with just 1 child which would fee like a cakewalk now). 

     

     

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    I do understand, and I'm a big believer in that we don't know what we can handle until we are in the midst of it, making it work.  I also know that parenting special needs children is a lot different and more draining, and so I raised the concern.  I get that it's much cheaper to do the two adoptions at once, but I wanted to suggest you at least consider the benefits of first seeing what it will be like once you bring Ulysses home before making that commitment.

    Of course, only you know your situation, what you can handle, what types of supports you have, and all of that.  I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right decision for your family.  I just wanted to put it out there for you to consider in case you haven't already done so.

    Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best, and I can't wait to hear your good news when you bring your new child(ren) home! 

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