I'm still struggling with following my heart, and letting ds lead the way. I get jealous when I hear of babies that are months younger than ds, putting themselves to sleep in their crib, and sleeping all night without a peep, parents having free time when baby is napping or asleep for the night, etc. Of course, everyone that says this, did CIO. And I just can't bring myself to do that, especially with his temperament.
How do you keep these thoughts out of your head, and remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by following your child's lead?
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Re: Struggling.
This probably doesn't help with your jealousy issue, but I just wanted to point out that every baby is different and it is quite the statement to say that only babies who have had to CIO sleep all night without a peep. Mine has been doing that for a few weeks now, and did it completely on his own without any crying. Granted he is not in his own room, he is in a bassinet in our room. But he goes down before me or DH goes to bed and sleeps approx. 8 hours.
During the day though, he won't nap without me nearby. He has to sleep on me or in his bouncy. And in the bouncy he will wake up if I go too long without bouncing it. So yeah, day times do get long! But I would say to just remember how short of a time they are this little in the grand scheme of things, and that ultimately you are doing what is best for your LO. He will grow to be very secure in his relationships throughout his life, and that will be thanks to the secure attachment he has formed/ continues to form now with you! Keep up the wonderful work mama!
NCSS is a good read for examining your emotions about your child's sleep. This is what I particularly like about her writing. You may also read a few suggestions about how to help your situation.
I suppose I feel a little muddled in my reaction. What I end up reading is "How do you not be jealous of what your friends have and be confident in your choice on how to parent differently than they do?" And... well... because jealousy is a pretty useless emotion (for any extended period of time) and because you aren't your friends and your child isn't anyone else's child. You can't have exactly what they have, and nor can they have exactly what you have - by definition.
Comparing to other people is just so incredibly useless, and pretty much just makes us miserable. Sure, it's nice to have other people's experience as potential data points, but that doesn't mean that we can have that exact experience either.
Finding your own, internal, best answer is the only thing that you can reasonably do. Yeah, it's hard! It takes practice, and it takes confidence in yourself. And it takes being willing to be happy to have what you have (good and bad and all) rather than constantly longing for what someone else has.
(I don't know if I was clear on that... I apparently need to go to bed, because I doubt it's as clear as I'd like and sounds a little crazy, and I'll blame the sleep deprivation from my (nearly) three year old who still doesn't sleep through the night. But it works for me.)
And I'm talking about people I know who did CIO.
Well said, Fredalina!
OP, I too have a high needs kind of child and what really helps me is to think about how very important these early days are... I know more than a few people who didn't get the early nurturing they needed ( I'm talking abuse/neglect, not CIO per say), and as 20-and-30 somethings they are still really struggling with neediness akin to that of young children (clinging to anyone they think might show them the physical and emotional affection they long for, often with dire consequences). The more my LO is nurtured now the better. I try to think that there's plenty of time for independence and sleeping later on.
Stick in there!
DH is a huge help. When I need a break DH can do just as much as I can [except feedings; he doesn't take bottles] and ds doesn't protest. I do wish we had couple time though. Not many people are willing to watch ds, because he screams the entire time we're gone.
My point is that it's never a good strategy to put babies or anybody in boxes. I'm sure you know that every baby in the world who STTN did not CIO. And even the ones you know who did, you don't know what other ways that affected them. That's why I point out a possible positive to you not using CIO. But ultimately if what you're doing now isn't working for your family, you have to change something.
ETA: You also used the words "follow your heart" to describe your current parenting, which is why I offered encouragement versus suggesting you change something. But if you need to change something, that is nothing to feel guilty about.
a friend of mine did CIO at 6 months and it worked...for a little while. She have to keep retraining and her child who is the same age as my son doesn't sleep nearly as good as he does.
their child's good sleep might not last forever and your child's sleep will likely improve with age without intervention. Hang in there.
I think it is important to surround yourself with people who parent similar to you. Once I made a few friends who had the same basic beliefs (AP) as mine, I was able to be much more confident in my choices, and also commiserating about no sleep, etc helps!
My sister's son is 8 months younger than mine. Mine is over 2 and still doesn't slee through the night most nights, and cannot put himself to sleep. A while back, she did CIO, and from hearing about her struggles with it (her own internal struggles, and the more obvious difficulties of it), and also actually hearing him screaming over the phone, I was able to justify again my own choice not to do it. Personally, I would rather know that I am giving my son everything he needs physically and emotionally than have 8 solid hours of sleep and free evenings.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Just lurking. I'm not really an AP follower. I don't prescribe to a lot of the things you all do, except breastfeeding. I just follow my LO's lead and do what feels natural. (Of course that's what I thought AP was in the first place, but I definitely don't fit in here.)
Well, never did CIO. Never let my LO cry more than 2 minutes. She has STTN since 4 months old. She started at 8+ hours a night then and since 6 months has slept 12+ hours straight per night. No sleep training whatsoever.
I do think some parents inhibit their child's ability to sleep well, but I don't think everyone who has a 1-2 year who sleeps through the night sleep trains.