XP: Where to begin?

QuigleyCat1

Thank you will NEVER be enough.  It's so hard to comprehend everything that you all did for me and my family tonight. DH knows about my participation on The Bump boards but never knew the extent until tonight when I showed him what you all have done for us. He was in absolute awe and so very grateful. The tears in his eyes were reflective of all your lit candles and kind words and prayers. Many of your DH/ SO also said such lovely things which just goes to show that, while in a bit of a different way, they feel this pain too. .

 I will be writing many of your words, poems and prayers into my journal that I've kept since learning of this pregnancy. Each and every single post was read and appreciated beyond explanation. Truly amazed by you women.  Completely. 

The remainder of my last day with Liam:

After three hours of meds for dilation I was called back. The nurse began an IV and roughly a half hour later I was taken to the procedure room. I was given IV sedation (twilight) and was very quickly "not aware". I felt no pain and remember absolutely nothing during the procedure. Thank goodness.  I just remember before going under that I said hello to the doctor and that I wish I didn't have to let him go because we love him so very much. Then I looked at the nurse and said, "His name is Liam". That's the last thing I remember before waking up in recovery.  I did get sick one time but it wasn't bad. Ive had pretty minimal bleeding so far. I slept for awhile there, although I have no idea how long. I got Liam's tiny little footprints and hand prints...they are perfect.

 *sensitive*

I did go to see him. I told them that I'd like to see his little hands and feet if possible. I believe that someone prepared him for that. When I walked in I saw a glass dish with a tiny paper towel. I could see his hands and feet where they would be. And although I never touched the paper towel, I knew there was nothing else below it. And that is ok. I knew that would most likely be the case.  But those hands and feet were so beautiful. I first touched his feet so tiny and frail but I know he is strong now. Then I touched his tiny little hands and fingers...hands and fingers that will always hold a piece of my heart.  I will never regret the decision to see him, ever.  I said some things to him that I hope he could hear from Heaven. DH was very worried about me seeing Liam. I reassured him its what I needed and he understood, just as I understood his decision not to view him. I will never question him as that was his decision to only picture Liam in his mind. I think that is just as beautiful. Later at home DH wanted to see the hand and footprints and was in awe and in love. We will always treasure them. I hope to someday soon use them to have imprinted onto a piece of jewelry. 

This may be my last post just for a bit.  I don't think it's all really hit me yet and I'm sure the next few days at the least will be tough.  I know I'll be back just not quite sure when, and when I do most of my time will be spent on PAL and TTCAL.  Although there's a very high chance that we will no longer be trying I think we need to give ourselves some time before closing that door completely. 

Please accept my thanks and love for all that you've done for me, DH, DS and our angel...Liam.  

mork

Many hugs and thoughts for you and your family this evening and for the days, weeks, months, and years to come. 

luvmyducks

((huge hugs))

VeilSdeGTO

Thinking of you and your family. Hugs.

Junebug060609

::Big hugs::

orangegoggles

Thinking of you all. :::hugs:;:

Mmm79

Huge hugs and contined prayers for your family.

melly918

Big hugs. I think you are incredibly strong and wonderful. I would love to see you on PAL when you are ready.

Atleighdan

Big hugs and continued prayers to you and your family.

KJsbabe

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Liam. He is in a better place now, whole and healthy. Take all the time you need. We are always here for you. My T&Ps are with you and your family.

xleslieraex

Sending many ::hugs:: & much love to you & your family in these next coming days, weeks, months & years.

cmumama

Thinking of you all.  ((hugs))

adoxyinherear

You are an incredible person. Reading this brought tears to my eyes.

niknak1128

I haven't been posting regularly in a while. I'm so sorry to hear of your Liam : huge hugs and lots and lots of prayers to you and your family. Be good to yourself and each other.

mundayem

Many hugs and TPs for your family. I hope you find peace and comfort in the days ahead. Everyone knows how much you love that sweet boy, my heart is with you. I'm glad we could do even a little bit to ease some of your pain. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Muffinhb

Many prays for you, DH & DS.

angielayne926

You and your family will be in my thoughts. HUGS

martinimomma

Quigley, I have been MIA from the boards for a short time and I have just caught up on Liam's story. I am so, so very sorry that you are experiencing this and am profoundly moved by the way in which you have and will continue to celebrate Liam's time with you. I know you may not realize or feel it now, but you are incredibly strong and acting from your heart, which I hope gives you some comfort at a time so hard to process. I know Liam will continue to live in your hearts and watch over you and your family from heaven forever. What a special angel you have.  Sending prayers for peace and healing to you and your family. 

charmedgrl517

Big hugs. Praying for you and your family.

bluebonnetmeg

((hugs))

mrssoprano

You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

mypeanut12

My thoughts and prayers are with you honey! You are one of the strongest people I know. Little Liam will look down on you always and know how much you love him.

damabo80

Many thoughts and prayers.

May the healing process, both emotional and physical, be kind to you both.

FmrAFBrat

((HUGE HUGS)). I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Liam.  I'll be praying for you and your family. 

Shaungela

{{HUGE HUGS}}

CheesyPeas

((Huge Hugs))  Thinking of you and your family.

MJM3108

Quigley, you, your DH, DS, and especially Liam have been in my thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need, and when you're ready, we'll be here waiting for you, with open arms. I will continue to carry you in prayer. Big (((HUGS)))

ksyknelvr73

Sending you so many hugs. I just think you are such a great mom and it is obvious the love you have for your children. I was thinking of you and your sweet Liam all day on Saturday.

Ziegeficker

I wish there was more I could do than offer you virtual hugs through the Internet.  But...please accept my virtual hugs.  This is so heartbreaking, and I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts. 

Big, bug hugs...

butterflynola

My heart just breaks for you. So many ((((hugs))) to you and your dh.

jertie

Peace, love and strength to all of you.  I was thinking about you on Saturday and you and Liam will be in my heart always.  (((((HUGE HUGS)))))

karma79

Huge hugs. I am so sorry for your loss.

D&D4Ever7

Sending lots of prayers for you and your family.  Many hugs

MickeyM04

So many T&Ps to you and your family during this difficult time, and RIP little Liam, I know you are in heaven looking down on your brave, wonderful mama and smiling.

anonomity

((HUGE HUGS))