Hello all! heres a little info on my situation.
I have a 9 year old son. He is my only child. My love, my life, my universe. I have always been a single mom with him(even from pregnancy). I was a teen mom with him. My boyfriend and I (been together a few months) just found out I am pregnant 2 days ago. He has NO CHILDREN. This baby wasnt planned but we arent surprised either because I warned him if he even looks at me too hard, I'll get preggo I am also the ONLY mother he has ever dated so being with a woman with a child is very different for him. But he is doing pretty well considering. He is almost 30. He was pretty much neutral about having kids BUT did WANT to wait until his house was paid off etc.... When I told him I was pregnant 2 days ago he acted happy. He is clueless (which is expected) about everything though. (pregnancy, being a daddy, babies, etc)
He is also not great with communication. He is affectionate says he loves me all the time but actually words and expressing his thoughts and feelings is a no go.
So dads, or even moms, what are some ways, fun and not "badgering" ways I could help him get in tune and more ready for the arrival of his first, and unexpected baby. Like I said, he is happy but I was a single mom since pregnancy with my son so I have never had to share the love and ideas of pregnancy/babyhood with anyone else. Thanks in advance!!
Re: 2nd time mom here pregnant by 1st time dad. Any wholesome advice please(kinda lengthy)
For most first time dads, the reality doesn't sink in until you're showing, which is what, 4 or 5 months?
I have no wholesome advice. All my advice is prurient.
I guess you're right. It's reality for me already but I suppose when we go to the first doc appt and all he can see is a hazey dark splotch on screen it wont seem real. Haha. What are some things you liked doing or planning when your wife was showing?
I think for now just give him some time to get used to the idea. My wife and I were both on the same page with trying to conceive and I still started sweating when she told me she was pregnant (along with being excited). It wasn't very long and my wife wanted our whole house rearranged and baby things bought and setup. I kept thinking we had lots of time and wait til we get closer. Anyways, point is that women tend to want to start planning and mapping everything out right away and seems like it takes men longer to get there. Since you've only known for 3 days now I'd give it some time to sink in.
Sounds to me like your boyfriend is a guy that likes to have all his ducks in a row with wanting to have his house paid for before having a kid. Sounds ambitious as well with thinking that at age 30. Having a baby is going to throw a huge curve ball into his plans. If I were in his shoes I'd have a real hard time dealing with that. Be patient while he adjusts while guiding him towards the responsibility of being a dad.
You are so right about us women wanting to get started right away! I have already started thinking about the rearranging and other things that can wait atleast 6 months! Haha. But thanks for reminding me to be PATIENT. I understand that men don't get that "connection" that we do during pregnancy. I will say though, he has already laid his head on my belly and and touched it and said "our baby" so that's a great sign, expecially him being a first timer!
I suggest going to a prenatal class together where you can both connect with other parents who are dealing with many of the same emotions that you both are.
Keep the lines of communication open. Invite him along to do " baby stuff" but do let him know which are more important to you as you can't expect him to take part in every thing.. Men love to be helpful, but a lot of the baby stuff moms get excited about, men simply don't.
At some point you will need to have that conversation about how much time and money he is going to commit to this child. Again, open communication is key and be prepared to negotiate and make some concessions.
Another great reminder. That some of the things women get so excited about and even think are important, men will say "whats the big deal?" Its hard to rememeber how different mens thinking will be when you are having these high pregnancy emotions. Everything makes me cry. I was watching The Fox and Hound with my son, and I cried when the hound saved fox from the hunter. I mean COME ON!!! hahaha.. thankyou. Since I was single from pregnancy with my son, I never had to make joint decision or share anything with anyone. This transition will be hard for me but I want to do my best not only for me, but for him, too
Assembling furniture was the only part I really "liked". I guess talking about nursery themes was fun too, but we agreed very quickly on that.