I wrote a blog post about lots of things, one of which was why you shouldn't ever ask a mom if the baby she's holding is her first or her only child, same for a pregnant woman. This was a really honest post about something that constantly breaks my heart. I posted it on FB because I try to speak out on stuff like that and break the silence about it all. A FB friend of mine apparently read it and posted this today:
"I read a blog entry yesterday about why it's insensitive to see a woman with a baby and ask, "Is this your first child?" I would like to add that it is also insensitive to ask, "Is that your baby?" I mean, I know I'm old and she looks nothing like me, but she really is my kid! :-)"
Are you sh!!tting me???? You think this is the same issue? I really want to throat punch her. What I really want to do it comment and say "My blog post wasn't about that, it was about how it breaks my heart every time I lie and say that he is my only child because my first one died. How you can compare this to being offended that people think you're too old to have a baby boggles my mind. " Ugh I'm so p!ssed right now. She either COMPLETELY missed the point of my blog or she's just an idiot.
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Re: Ummm... Really???
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thats a good point... but, ive told people this several times during NIAW, pretending like you know what it feels like is really not helpful at all... not to say that the other womans not uncomfortable when she gets asked that question... its just not even close to the same thing!
Right, if I empowered someone to speak out against something that bothers them that's awesome... if I encouraged you to share my post, also awesome... combining them into one post as though they're similar is what really makes me super mad. That makes me feel like she doesn't understand what I'm saying- at all.
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
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I am so sorry. I am hoping she is just ignorant and didn't realize that it's hard on you as a mother of 2 to only have 1 baby living with you today. ((hugs))
BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces
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I am not being snarky right now at all, but I do have a question. How should someone approach the issue then? What do you deem as more appropriate?
"Is this your only child?" Or "do you have other children"? Either way isn't it still going to strike a nerve? Curious, do you response and tell them the truth or just not respond? I guess my losses were somewhat on the early side but I still consider them my babies in heaven but I only say I have 2 kids (my living children). I suppose it's different for you for sure. People in general are annoying with questions. I always get a weird look and comment when people see that my kids are spaced 4 years. Is it THAT weird?!