Our son (adopted at birth) had donor breast milk for some portion of his nutrition for about his first 11 months. He had to go off it for a while due to digestion issues, and then for a while it was all he could tolerate. Mostly he was on a combo of donor milk and hypoallergenic formula once he left the hospital (has regular formula in the hospital and for probably a week after. His birth parents and the agency were fine with this. My cousin is a lactation consultant and is very, um, well, feels really strongly about breastmilk. So strongly in fact that she relacted (she has two teens) and pumped for 8 months for my son so that he could have breastmilk.
Our son's birthmom is pregnant again and due in July. The plan as of now is for us to adopt this baby as well, and while everything looks promising for us right now, our agency has been VERY clear that it's far more likely to fall through this time. As soon as my cousin found out she started with emails about renting a pump for her, and also telling me that it would be best for this baby to not have formula in the hospital...that my son had such bad digestive issues, and that formula feeding early on disrupts gut health, so ideally borthmom would breastfeed in the hospital but if that's not possible the baby should get donor milk instead of formula.
My cousin is awesome and if I tell her to shut up she totally will. But of course there is a part of me that worries that she's right - that I should see if there's a way for this baby to be on breastmilk right after birth (obviously I am not going to ask her birthmom to breastfeed, as she was very clear last time that she didn't want to do that). Then I don't even know if the hospital would allow donor milk that wasn't tested. And then of course I have the feelings like, this is adoption, and it's NOT MY KID until the papers are signed, so I have to let it go and just be OK with it. And who knows if what she is saying has any merit in the first place...and even if it does, do the benefits outweigh the challenges that this would present?
Sorry that was so long. Oy.