Donor milk

MagickalNarwhal

Our son (adopted at birth) had donor breast milk for some portion of his nutrition for about his first 11 months. He had to go off it for a while due to digestion issues, and then for a while it was all he could tolerate. Mostly he was on a combo of donor milk and hypoallergenic formula once he left the hospital (has regular formula in the hospital and for probably a week after. His birth parents and the agency were fine with this. My cousin is a lactation consultant and is very, um, well, feels really strongly about breastmilk. So strongly in fact that she relacted (she has two teens) and pumped for 8 months for my son so that he could have breastmilk.

Our son's birthmom is pregnant again and due in July. The plan as of now is for us to adopt this baby as well, and while everything looks promising for us right now, our agency has been VERY clear that it's far more likely to fall through this time. As soon as my cousin found out she started with emails about renting a pump for her, and also telling me that it would be best for this baby to not have formula in the hospital...that my son had such bad digestive issues, and that formula feeding early on disrupts gut health, so ideally borthmom would breastfeed in the hospital but if that's not possible the baby should get donor milk instead of formula.

My cousin is awesome and if I tell her to shut up she totally will. But of course there is a part of me that worries that she's right  - that I should see if there's a way for this baby to be on breastmilk right after birth (obviously I am not going to ask her birthmom to breastfeed, as she was very clear last time that she didn't want to do that). Then I don't even know if the hospital would allow donor milk that wasn't tested. And then of course I have the feelings like, this is adoption, and it's NOT MY KID until the papers are signed, so I have to let it go and just be OK with it. And who knows if what she is saying has any merit in the first place...and even if it does, do the benefits outweigh the challenges that this would present?

Sorry that was so long. Oy.

maryoosa

I have lots of folks in my life who are La Leche League leaders etc  who feel really strongly that breast is best-and I guess I believe it on some level---but anecdotaly, I wasn't breast fed, my sister was, I grew into a functioning adult, my sist

MagickalNarwhal

maryoosa:

I have lots of folks in my life who are La Leche League leaders etc  who feel really strongly that breast is be

ellekae

Oye, this one is super touchy these days.

I am very pro-BFing, but not everyone can or has the option of doing it. It is so nice that your cousin relactated and pumped for your son; that is truly amazing generosity.

Formula isn't the

ellekae

MagickalNarwhal:

There's no chance I would ask her (my son's birthmom) to consider breastfeeding or pumping, I am mainly wonde

maryoosa

ellekae:

maryoosa:<

MagickalNarwhal

maryoosa:

ellekae:</st

maryoosa

MagickalNarwhal:

That's amazing!! Our good friends have a daughter 5 weeks older than our son, and her birth mom pu

Dr.Loretta

I would see if the hospital she's delivering at has some sort of milk bank, or partners with one. They might, and this could be a fairly moot point.

That being said, I think your cousin is projecting your son's issues on any other children that t

mtendere

I'm a big BF advocate, but I think formula was created for situations like this! We are so fortunate to have options. Is breastmilk beneficial? Absolutely. The more the better, but just getting the antibodies from the breastmilk she produces will be super

Kirstybaby

Okay, don't hate me everybody   because I know that everyone gets all crazy about breast feeding and the different opinions out there, but I seriously don't think you sho

MagickalNarwhal

Thanks everyone, it was really helpful for me to talk all this out. Unless our sons bmom brings it up, I think I'm going to let it go and tell my cousin to shut up. Nicely of course!