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Baby Showers
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Foster Care
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So my friend and her H are becoming foster parents. They are unable to have their own children so they are starting from scratch. Does anyone have any ideas or etiquette on a shower or other type of event in this situation? They aren't asking for one. I was just curious if anyone knew of anything for an event like this or if it is even okay to do something like this. They do plan to adopt from the foster care system, but waiting to throw them a shower when they adopt seems odd since they would have all the stuff they need by then.
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Re: Foster Care
It's a wonderful thing that they have decided to foster. Since the age range is usually pretty broad (e.g. age 0 - 2, age 4 - 8, whatever) and a placement could be tomorrow or six months from now, a shower is usually not a great idea.
When they do get a placement, maybe coordinate people bringing dinners or have a little party then?
ETA: there are often children in the foster care system whose parents still have parental rights; in other words, if the parent/s clean up their act,they could potentially get their child back. For that reason and others, not every placement leads to an adoption.
Yeah, that was the other difficult part. They plan to adopt in the 0-3 range, but are fostering in the 0-6 range. A placement can last hours or years too. It's a toughy to get figured out.
A dinner party/ dinner drop offs sounds like a good idea. Thanks!
Those items are all really great ideas, and I think Target is a perfect store for gift cards, because you can get everything from baby gear to clothes to school supplies, perfect if they don't know what age child they will be fostering.
i think this is a really sweet idea. Couples that have been through infertility and then all the paperwork for fostering and adoption get put through so much and miss out on many of the typical aspects of parenting, hosting a shower is a lovely idea.
I like the Target gift card idea.
You might also want to post on the adoption board and see if they have any suggestions.
Great suggestion!
Thanks ladies for the input! I like all of these ideas.
I think it's a sweet idea and it's one instance where I wouldn't side eye a registry with items that covered a bunch of different age ranges.
I'm a former foster parent. It is touching to know that you are thinking of your friends. Of course, there is no way of knowing what age, size, or number of kids any foster parent will end up with at any time. Personally I would wait until they get a placement, unless they have a lot of storage room because it is just too hard to know what exactly will be needed. Even car seats expire, so it would be better if they were purchased when they got a placement, so they would get as much use out of them as possible.
Our first placement was 2 and 5 year old girls. The parents provided the clothes and car seats. The 2-year-old was used to sleeping in a regular bed, so we didn't need much. We bought some toys and that was pretty much all we needed. They were with us for 5 months. Our next placement was a 3-month-old and 2-year-old. Some clothes were provided by the parents. Some friends had given us their gently used pack 'n play, so we used that. They were with us for a week.
Our last placement was a sibling set (1, 2, 6). This trio didn't come with anything. It was the middle of winter, so we bought the basics right away. We did receive a one-time clothing allowance for each of those kids, but $200 doesn't cover much when one has to buy everything (underwear, socks, shoes, coats, etc.) Even shopping at thrift stores adds up. A bunch of our friends gave us gently used clothes, toys, videos, and books. We really appreciated their help at that point. A few of them bought brand-new things for the kids. The kids loved all of their stuff, regardless if it was used or new. Some of our bargain-hunting friends knew that we were too busy working and adjusting to having the trio to check out all of the area thrift stores, so they told us to make a list of things we still needed/wanted. They kept an eye out for items in thrift stores or on Craigslist. To this day, I'm amazed at how quickly our friends and family were able to help us get everything we needed.
By the time we had DS, we had a motley collection of items from our 4 years as foster parents. (Clothes that fit and many toys and books went with the kids when they were reunified.) Our church family and our employers threw showers for us. Our registries were pretty random because we were just filling in the gaps. That didn't seem to bother anyone.
If you want to throw a party, I do think an adoption celebration would be awesome, too.
I work for a children's home and we do foster care and adoption on top of have homes on a campus for children to live in.
So first I say kudos to your friend. There are so many kids out there and just need a safe home and love.
2ndly I'd say how sweet it is of you to want to throw a shower for her. I'm sure it's for her and the childrens sake
What I will say as the above poster pointed out typically those kids come in with little or nothing of their own. So when they leave placement they typically have so little. Each year the children in our facility make a Christmas list and we try hard through donors and churches to make some of their wishes come true. Mind you we serve close to 3000 children a year. Regardless, I was going to say one little guy that tugged at my heart this year was a little boy who asked for a pillow that was his own because he hadn't had one in years.
So I think your options are wide for things she may need to make the children she fosters feel at home. I wish her the best of luck and I say go for it! Do something sweet for someone that's doing something wonderful for children.