We have an apt. with agency Director...need some advice

Ginger71

So we are about to renew our HS and H and I are concerned that we have only had 1 profiling opportunity in 10 months. My family advocate just keeps telling us that our grids are open and that no one matching us is coming to them.

We made an appt. With the Director to ask some questions. We told her we were concerned about only having 1 opportunity. I want to find out their process for how they pick prospective APs but I also don't want to come across as critical.

 the stats for the agency are pretty decent. Most people end up placing....there are very few people who change their minds and 85% are healthy infants. They placed 73 last yr.

I also want to know why we have not been a fit for any of the families that placed babies since we have been Hs ready.

I'm trying to figure out how to word things so she does not get defensive with me. I don't want to criticize or attack.....just understand.

Does anyone have any advice about how we can aporoach her without seeming like we are complaining? I also do not want to complain about our family advocate. I just want to make sure we are not falling through the cracks and make her see that we are serious about our relationship with the agency.

Thanks.... 

 

justjinny

I'm sorry that you're wait has been so long!  It has to be incredibly frustrating to have just 1 opportunity in that time.  I'm not very far into the adoption process, but here's my two cents:

I'd ask them if there's anything that could open up your search further.  (are you open to considering both genders, trans-racial, older children, minor/manageable disabilities etc.) I was told that the more specific we were about our requirements, the longer we'd wait for just the right fit. Could they contact you if an opportunity comes up that maybe doesn't fit exactly what you're looking for, but that gets close?

I would be interested to know if they are limiting the number of adoptive parents in their pool if they aren't making placements within a year. How many placements do they normally make in a year and was this last year just a really low placement year for them?

I'd also ask if you could send your portfolios/HS out to any other agencies they cooperate with.  Maybe you could spread your network out further to other states?  Before selecting the agency I'm going with, I met with two other agencies and this was a strategy they'd pursue after having waited a year with no matches.

I think that if you pose it more like "what can you and your agency both do to get things rolling again", then it won't come across as just criticism of your advocate.

 

 

mommytoconnor

I would phrase it exactly as you did here.  Tell her that you want to be honest and open and just want to better understand.  Explain to them that in light of their placement percentage, you don't understand why you have only had 1 opportunity in 10 months.  I don't know what your "criteria" are, but this could be why.  Your "preferences" may be too narrow.  Meaning you are not open to different races, ages, substance exposure, etc. If there is no reason, and your preferences are pretty open, then I would also think it strange to not have more than one opportunity so far.  They should be able to look at your HS and see anything that may be a "red flag" as to why you aren't being shown more.  Just approach it as you wanting to understand why and not a blame game type of thing.  You know, in my opinion, things happen when they are supposed to.  I waited 4 years for my son.  I had a friend tell me something that to this day sticks with me and makes me cry everytime I think about it.  She said "you had to wait so long for him because he hadn't been born yet."  I find that so true, because I can't imagine another little boy as my son. Be patient and it will happen.Good luck, sending hugs.

 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Dr.Loretta

marshmallowevening:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to meet and just be open with your concerns. I'd ask if they have any recommendations for you (changes to profile book, changes to consider in situations you're open to, etc). I think it's you're approaching it as "Is there anything we can do?", they shouldn't see you as complaining (and if they do, that's a red flag). I'd also maybe ask to speak to some families who have had placements to see what their experience was like. Their feedback could be helpful (or maybe confirm you're doing all you can, and it hasn't happened just because it's not meant to happen yet). Good luck!

ETA- How many families are waiting? 73 placements is a lot (compared to my agency) but isn't "a lot" if there are tons of waiting families in the pool.

All of this. Our SW told us they'd be discussing revisions to our profile and re-evaluating preferences if we'd been waiting 9+ months. And I'd want to know not only how many placements, but how many waiting families. Our agency had twice that many, but they also had a similar # of waiting families.

maryoosa

I think it's great that you have an appointment with her.

 

I think you can also phrase everything just the way you did here. I think it's absolutely fair to ask how prospective adoptive parents are profiled.

 Good luck, and I'd love to hear your experience with this meeting- we're likely going to be needing a one on one with her well, for some other issues. 

 

Ginger71

Thanks everyone. We don't mind the fact that we have waited a year....I hope she gets that. Our problem is with the lack of opportunities and if thst translates into us waiting 3 years or more (there is 1 couple in the agency that has)

I will definitely keep you updated. Thanks for the support  

Ginger71

marshmallowevening:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to meet and just be open with your concerns. I'd ask if they have any recommendations for you (changes to profile book, changes to consider in situations you're open to, etc). I think it's you're approaching it as "Is there anything we can do?", they shouldn't see you as complaining (and if they do, that's a red flag). I'd also maybe ask to speak to some families who have had placements to see what their experience was like. Their feedback could be helpful (or maybe confirm you're doing all you can, and it hasn't happened just because it's not meant to happen yet). Good luck!

ETA- How many families are waiting? 73 placements is a lot (compared to my agency) but isn't "a lot" if there are tons of waiting families in the pool.

Sorry, I just saw this, marshmellow.

The stats say that 73 children were placed in 2012 and there were 65 waiting families at the end of 2012.

lala7868

Hi, I was just wondering if there was any update? I believe we are with the same agency and was curious as to how receptive she was with you.

Thanks!