Advice needed (long) — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

Advice needed (long)

I am at the end of my third pregnancy.  My husband was "on the fence" about having a third.  His words exactly.  I really wanted a third and we agreed to try for a 3 month period and if nothing happened, I promised to put it out of my head and accept that my family was complete.  Lo and behold, I got pregnant immediately.  Needless to say my husband was not happy when I told him back in September.  Now that the end of the pregnancy is nearing, he is making snide comments.  For instance, I've been very uncomfortable and he will say "well, this is the price you pay for wanting a third baby".  Last night I mentioned that I wished he could take a turn being pregnant for just one night and he said "I wouldn't take a turn on this one, this was all your idea". 

I think what really bothers me is that he has no business complaining.  I do a lot and basically pay for everything.  I work 2 jobs (50 hours a week).  We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and I pay for everything for them - clothes, shoes, diapers, haircuts, tuitions, activities, etc...  He goes to concerts and golfs and goes away with his guy friends and every Thursday night is dart night with the guys.  I just don't get it. 

There is nothing I can do, but it has definitely created a rift between us.  I want to tell him that I don't want him at my c-section and that I should get to pick the baby's name - he chose it.  It has been a high-risk pregnancy and I'm terrified that something will be wrong with the baby.  I already have tremendous guilt for wanting this baby so badly.  It will destroy me (and probably my family) if he has special needs.  I guess this post is more of a vent than anything else, but does anyone has any advice on how I can make things better with my husband?  It's been rough having no emotional support from him :(

Re: Advice needed (long)

  • You can't do and be everything. You husband has to make sacrifices too. They aren't your kids alone. You are enabling him by paying for everything. He has to be a parent too. He had a part to play in the conception of all three babies.
    5.18.11 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker EDD 3.12.13
  • OP, you need marriage counseling.
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
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  • This is really sad, but he sounds like a horribly selfish childish person who is way more in love with himself than he is with you or your family.  I just don't see him changing something so engrained in him, but you married him, so I guess you kn

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  • He's selfish, sounds like you've enabled it, now that he didn't get his way for a change, he's resenting it.

    Marriage counseling sounds like the best idea right now.

  • We just found out we are expecting our first, I'm new here, and I don't want to sound harsh but I will say it.  Your husband sounds like a real jerk.  Is he warm and loving to the kids you have now?  Sounds like a very immature, self abs

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