a little complicated question

t loves r

I come to this board frequently and have learned a lot about shower etiquette. I'm curious if I handled this situation the correct way and would like to hear what you would have done:

My baby shower is in two weeks and my aunt, her daughter and my sister-in-law are co-hosting it at my aunt's home. It's a small shower and nearly everyone invited is family except for my best friend and my mother's best friend. My other cousin text messaged me this morning asking if she could bring her mother to the shower. (My cousin's father, my uncle, divorced this woman when I was eight or nine and I haven't had much contact with my ex-aunt, I guess you would call her, since the divorce. Things got even worse after my uncle died a few years ago and the ex-wife caused a lot of drama for my mom, grandmother and other aunt at his funeral.)

Our family doesn't have much contact with my uncle's ex-wife, but we do run into her at weddings and around town from time to time and all parties are polite and cordial to one another.

I was surprised my cousin texted me to ask if her mother could attend the baby shower. I didn't really feel like it was my place to say yes or no, especially since my aunt hosting the shower and my mother do not care for her. I called my aunt hosting the shower and told her the weird position I felt I was in and she assured me it was odd, but fine if the "ex-aunt" came.

So, I texted my cousin and said her mother was welcome to come to the shower. And then I called my mom to tell her her ex-sister-in-law could possibly be at the shower and my mother was appalled and a tad upset.

 And now I feel awful. I feel like it is a lose-lose situation. If I said no to my cousin, I know deep down she would have been offended and felt like the family doesn't accept her or her mother. But, now my mom and aunt hosting the shower will probably feel a tad awkward at the shower. Heck, I think everyone will because many will be wondering what my uncle's ex-wife is doing there. 

I apologize for the length and I hope this made a little sense. Do you think I handled this situation totally wrong? And how do you handle this situation tack-fully? Or, is that even possible? Thanks, ladies.

blush64

chattychiqa:

The road to hell really is paved with good intentions. You meant well, but if in your shoes I would probably have

rhubarb123

As the other pps have said it would have been better for you to have directed her to your hostesses but since you didn't and asked your aunt yourself it is obviously too late.  I don't see why your mom is having such an issue with it when her sister

t loves r

Thank you all for your feedback! I wish I had just told my cousin to talk to our aunt hosting the shower. Would have been the best thing to do. As for my mom, she is worried the exaunt may start drama, but I think my mom is over paranoid. It'll be fine. A