Questions I can't answer.

DoublePortion

DH and I kind of got into it this morning over his spendy ways. I'm tired of us spending money on material things and not on ART. I don't want to reach the end of my life, be childless and yet have a house full of junk I don't even care about. I know that ART is a massive gamble but if it works it's worth the risk. DH wants to know when will I decide we've done enough in our pursuit of children. Will it be IVF #2 or will I want to keep going until we're broke? What happens if we try again and it fails?

I don't know how to answer these questions. If I had IF insurance or were filthy rich I would do IVF as many times as it takes. I can handle the emotional roller coaster and physical toll. I have neither IF insurance nor am I filthy rich.

DH wants a child very badly. He's said that after our niece comes to visit and he's spent hours playing with her and she gives him little kisses and hugs that he would give up everything we have to just to have a child of our own. I know he's tired of the heartache of getting our hopes up and then nothing working.

I'm sorry this is rambley. I hate IF, the heartache and incredibly hard decisions it forces us to make.

thecuddleeffect

These questions suck so big.

I kind of had a version of this argument myself. A lot of people tell me not to do another round of IVF b/c I might be getting a new job (or no job at all, which would be fine by me) But if I lost my new job b/c of b

BzeetyD

The idea ultimately is not to wind up both without a child and without $$. But it's a tricky road to make that happen and living in financial handcuffs can make both partners miserable.

What are your plans or intentions for another round, or

joules12

Big (((Hugs)))...I HATE that you even have to consider these questions, DP!

PurpleIris30

Hugs, friend.  We went through a lot of these same questions and struggles.  I thought everyone had some good suggestions.  It helped us to see a counselor to get on the same page about what our "plan" was going to be,  because we were

BrideJackie11

I am sorry that you even have to deal with this.   Finances are tough on any marriage and throwing IF on top of it just adds to the emotional burden.   I like purpleiris's suggestion with each having your own money to spend the way you

DoublePortion

Thanks for all of the advice. It's good to be reminded that others understand. DH gets bonus' at work (spiffs) and I don't care what he does with that money. It's just when he wants to spend more on top of it that it gets to me. We do need to sit down

liz4paws

I am so sorry you're in such a difficult place, DP. I hate that IF puts you in this situation. I know we always say it, but I'll say it again. IF is so unfair. It just blows and it's a load of horse crap and I hate it too. IF sucks so much out of us fi

BzeetyD

PurpleIris30:

Hugs, friend.  We went through a lot of these same questions and struggles.  I thought everyone had so

PrettyAccountant

Hey DP, I am sorry you and DH aren't seeing eye to eye on this. Couples rarely do and it just adds to the insult and injury of IF. While I think for the most part DH and I were on the same page, we still had arguments about the same situations. My issu

rockpaperlove

Many hugs. Infertility tests the best of relationships. Finances take delicate communication between us and our spouses and infertility finances are a double whammy to challenge. You are not alone and I think the PP's made some great points and suggestion

Scoop77

Oh, DP, this is rough. DH and I haven't had as many arguments about money or affording ART, but it's a huge struggle to have two different people--who are on two different schedules emotionally with two different sets of fears--have to agree on everyth