Tacky Sister is Tacky

everchangingcycles

There's two stories in this post:

1. My sister is expecting her second child (girl). First child (boy) is not even two yet. A friend of hers has offered a baby shower, and now my sister is doing a lot to help plan it. I said, "Well that's nice your friend offered, but you've already had a baby shower." and she replies, "That was for [DS], so I need one to get girl things, and besides, I'd plan it myself even if she didn't offer." ...What the tacky hell?!

anyway...

2. So, I posted a while back about confusion surrounding my baby shower and my friends hosting it. Well, I finally had a heart to heart with my friend and found out that she thought I would be helping plan. So I nicely explained to her some baby shower etiquette (you all have taught me so much!), and she was like, "oh well I had an entirely different idea." So I said, well, if you're feeling overwhelmed or anything, you don't have to host it." But she said, "Well you HAVE to have a baby shower, and I really want to be a part of it, I just can't do it on my own." She originally had two other friends helping out, but they've pretty much bailed.

So, for this, I'm more than happy to help plan my shower, as much as I'd love to have it be a total surprise and gift, is it still considered tacky if I'm helping? I feel like I shouldn't have to help, but this friend really wants to throw it, she just can't do it all herself, and didn't realize that's how most baby showers work.

 

coraggiosa

By help, do you mean financial help? I mean, if she's just asking for your input and opinions, I really don't see a problem with it, but you shouldn't be contributing financially to your own shower. You also shouldn't send out invitations or anything of t

everchangingcycles

She said she feels like she needs my stamp of approval, so I told her "absolutely not, do whatever you feel like, you're the host, etc. etc."

For the invitations, she just asked me to get a list of addresses. And as for finances, she said that sh

Stina2012

I feel like "helping" her will mean some financial contribution (based on what you said). And I feel like this could be a really slippery slope.

Is there any way to ask what she had in mind? A simple cake/punch shower at 2pm with minimal decorati

everchangingcycles

Stina2012:

I feel like "helping" her will mean some financial contribution (based on what you said). And I feel like this coul

Stina2012

everchangingcycles:

And as for finances, she said that she might not be able to pay for things o

cole2144

1. If that was my sister, I would tell her exactly how tacky that is.

2. I think you are going to end up paying for your shower. I would just say thanks anyway. 

mrsmcdonald

1. Yup, that is super tacky. If it were my sister, I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about the level of tackiness.

2. While I think your friend's heart is in the right place, but just because she wants to be a part of it, doesn't mean sh

JLW0504

Couldn't she ask your mom or her mom for help? What about MIL? Do you think she'd consider a co-ed shower? Maybe get some of the guy friends to help her out and chip in. There's no sense in you doing all of this for your own shower.

It also seem

foxyroxy

It sounds like your friend is making it about her, not you. She wants to throw a shower, so you must help her. That's backwards. 

If she wants to host a shower, great. Fabulous. Wonderful. But the MTB does not pay. I once threw a shower on t

rhubarb123

Your sister is tacky and I'd tell her so.  Babies won't care what color their bouncy seat or other items are. 

I think you will have more of a handle on the situation once you get the invites.  make sure they are inexpe

stephweinstein

JLW0504:

Couldn't she ask your mom or her mom for help? What about MIL? Do you think she'd consider a co-ed shower? Maybe g

everchangingcycles

UPDATE: Situation has improved and she is footing the bill on things, I haven't paid anything-nor does it seem like she's expecting me to, so this is good!  I'm just as new to all this as she is, so it's hard to say where the lines need to be drawn.