A Sad Phone Call - Just need to vent

2moms2b

I know I have been pretty MIA so sorry to just drop in and vent but I didn't feel comfortable posting this anywhere else.

So today I made the phone call I have been putting off.  The call to the RE to tell them to donate our remaining samples.  Our storage renewal was coming up and M had asked me to call so we wouldn't get billed again.   We are so happy to have the boys and on a logical level I am happy to be a family of 4 as it is still comfortable space, finance and time wise. Plus I know what an emotionally trying journey it was to have these boys.  I am not sure we could survive that again especially with two growing boys in the mix. I wasn't always at my best and feel that they deserve me always at my best.

But a big part of me is mourning.  On an emotional level, I had to come to terms with I won't be pregnant again, I won't feel those little kicks, the excitement of a BFP etc.  I cried as they asked me to confirm once more, I would like to donate our samples. I had to come to terms with all of this in one phone call.  One call that it now done and those samples are gone.

I love love love my boys and they are now my world but I see how much love they bring and knowing this is it is hard.

Sorry not trying to be a downer but I just needed to get this out.  M is tired of me asking if she was sure she was done etc and she doesn't understand the loss I felt by donating them.  She loves these boys and to her, they complete our family.  I am ecstatic that we have them but it doesn't shut off my love of a big family. 

To end on a positive note here is a pic of the boys this morning.  Jacob is on the left at 12lbs 5oz and Sam is on the right at 10lbs 6oz.  They are sporting their big boy clothes as I hate onesies.  I find myself asking where are my babies???

 

Twinkler2011

2Moms, I understand how you are feeling!

It was always in the plan for us to have 4 children. I carried our two daughters and she carried our son that was just born. I always wanted to have a big family. I was so excited while she

Manada

I'm sorry!

That seems like such a hard call to make!     I know that if it were me I would want to hold onto it for awhile too.... but that's just because I'm sentimental like that and would want to keep the option open for aw

2moms2b

Manada:

I'm sorry!

That seems like such a hard call to make!     I know that if it were me I would w

2MamazInSeattle

Oh this sounds so hard! I know before I was pregnant, I thought "I can't wait to donate our extra embryos to help someone else have a family!" and then once I was pregnant, I was like "wow, now I will think of those extras as another version of my baby

Two*True

I think this is completely understandable.  I know I'm not having any more kids after this but I still haven't come to terms with exactly how I'm going to get rid of our extra vials.  I won't need them but it feels like I've been sort of attache