Could use some advice. (NPR)

jaecat521

Today I asked my fiance if he was happy with me. He (throughout a very longwinded conversation) basically told me that there are things he is unhappy with, and has lately felt with all of our fighting that it he has found himself seriously thinking about what he would do if we broke up.

I have an unfortunate history of telling him that I am going to leave during our fights. I don't really want to leave, and don't think about leaving when we aren't fighting. Because of past history with family, when I fight with my fiance, I tell him I'm going to leave before he has a chance to tell me to do so. (My parents kicked me out of their house when I was 16, and I never really got over it- telling my fiance I'll leave is a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one.) 

I am not sure how to feel. He told me he didn't want to break up, but if we did he would want us to be able to continue being friends. We have been together for seven years, through some really hard times, and we have one child, with another due in about three weeks. 

I feel really stupid- I asked him a couple of days ago when he thought he might want to get married (no, we have no real plans yet), and he is thinking about exit strategies. I know that telling him I'm going to leave if I don't mean it is unhealthy.

He told me he thought I should spend some time thinking about whether or not when I look down my life to the end of the road I see him standing there beside me. I do, and I always have. I love him very much.

However, he sounds unhappy, and I feel like it's my fault. Should I just let him go now before we end up hating each other?

RondackHiker

Is counseling an option?

jaecat521

It is, we are in counseling. I felt like it had been going pretty well- he is a willing and surprisingly active participant.

We are both super stressed out about everything. The truth is, we are over-scheduled and underpaid, and both of us are i

[Deleted User]

RondackHiker:

Is counseling an option?

+1

It sounds like you (possibly both of you) need to learn to f

[Deleted User]

OK, I don't mean this rudely, I swear.  Do you really have a 13 month old & you are 5 weeks pregnant again?  That adds an immense amount of stress!! 

jaecat521

sofamonkey:

OK, I don't mean this rudely, I swear.  Do you really have a 13 month old & you are 5 weeks pregnant agai

jaecat521

double post

catycate

sofamonkey:

OK, I don't mean this rudely, I swear.  Do you really have a 13 month old & you are 5 weeks pregnant agai

jaecat521

Spooko:

Two thoughts on this:

Relationships, marriage especially, isn't easy. Things aren't going to be great all the ti

klondikebar

Spooko:

Two thoughts on this:

Relationships, marriage especially, isn't easy. Things aren't going to be great al

selockar

I'm glad you are already in counseling and agree you need to learn how to fight fair. As far as him thinking about what would happen if you broke up. Maybe he is only thinking about it because you keep saying your leaving. I think it's a natural thing to

LuckyDad

Please don't make any lasting decisions while 37 weeks pregnant.

Make a commitment to each other in the short run to focus on doing what's best for your baby on the way. Make a commitment to have an ongoing conversation about your relationship.

MrsCodeMonkey

I learned that storming off during a fight is about exerting control over a situation. Stick around and work things through for you and the kids.

RondackHiker

fredalina:

I think you are taking his thinking of "exit strategies" too personally. He is considering what it would be like because

RondackHiker

fredalina:

I think you are taking his thinking of "exit strategies" too personally. He is considering what it would be like because

jaecat521

fredalina:

I think you are taking his thinking of "exit strategies" too personally. He is considering what it would be like be

NotSharknado

I agree with Fred.

flyingsaucer

I am going to be frank... You both sound like you're being immature.

1. You have to stop telling him you are going to leave.  It's childish and one day he WILL.  

2. I think it's shiity of your fianc? to tell you all of this while

jaecat521

kgopel:

I am going to be frank... You both sound like you're being immature.

1. You have to stop telling him you are goi