Spanking

daileym

Will/do you spank LO? Do you and DH agree on this aspect of parenting? 

 

To answer my own question, we have had a really hard time with this issue as a a couple. Both of us were spanked (DH was actually hit with a wooden spoon which is WAY over the line, IMO) and we both had agreed to spank our kids as a form of discipline. Now that we have DS, DH has a really hard time with it and has pretty much decided he doesn't want/need to anymore. I also struggle with it as I always have to decipher if a spank is a good lesson, or if I am reacting out of frustration. By the time I make up my mind the teaching moment is gone, so I don't. So DH and I have come to the conclusion that if it something that we have warned DS about and it concerns his safety, we will spank. Everything else warrants a warning or time out. So far, I have only had to spank him twice. Once was about six months ago for running into the road as I was getting the baby I was watching out of the car. The second was when he kept flipping our tall laundry basket over to climb up on a tall dresser with a TV on top. He has never done either again, so I know it is effective for us and I don't feel guilty about over spanking. 

I would love to hear how everyone worked out how to discipline, and how effective different techniques have worked for you.

Shanmarie1083

No we don't spank. The few times I have tried it, it was completely ineffective and I felt horribly guilty afterwards. DH's dad was borderline physically and verbally abusive so he refuses to spank. He firmly believes that he wants his children to listen

EMLYNNLERETTE

I had a feeling this topic was up soon...

DH and I agreed to spank for the same reasons you spank now when pregnant with DD. Serious safety issues that didnt get through... We were both spanked. I was spanked pretty severely as a kid. Hav

kat81again2

I'm torn on this as well. We have not spanked or hit DS is any way so far, though sometimes I will grab his hand/arm pretty forcefully if he is actively doing something bad with it, as part of what I need to do to get his attention.

I talked to

1026pumpkin

When I was pregnant, DH and I disagreed about this, because he was spanked and thought it was A-OK as a form of discipline, and I completely disagree.

Now that DS is here, neither of us could imagine ever raising a hand to him.  His pediatri

redfallon

I don't really know what we'll do. Both of us have said we aren't averse to it. Growing up, I was spanked once, but my sister was spanked lots of times. It was like I GOT whatever my parents said to us and she didn't and just repeated whatever it was that

PrettyInPearls23

DS has been spanked maybe 3 times. Every time it was completely ineffective and he basically laughed at me. Last night when I put him into time out for the 2nd time in less than an hour, he was swinging as hard as he could at me, but I simply sat him

SuperSecretStatus

I was spanked maybe a handful of times as a child. It never scarred me or made me feel abused. Our family members only used it in severe situations and as a last resort. Normally they'd only have to shoot us a look to let us know that it was time to st

sugarellie

I have never hit my child nor will I ever. DS listens to me pretty well, out of respect, not fear of physical punishment. I could never bring myself to physically punish my child, its just not my style of parenting.

RunningGal900

I don't spank. I personally believe that it teaches that you solve problems with violence and not words and I don't want him taking that lesson away. And if he hits and I tell him it's not ok, but I turn around and do it when he misbehaves then I'm a big

LilPez

Thanks for asking this question. DH and I were talking about it a few nights ago, and i was literally talking about it on lunch with my friend today after reading that earlier post. I'm a FTM and i was spanked as a c

CaliMcKenzie

We were both spanked as children, although it wasn't a common thing in either household.  I can only remember being spanked once: I left the house to go play with a friend without telling my parents I was leaving.  I was probably 5 or 6 years

kennazebrowsky

We spank but only at last resort. My son is getting older now - 11 so really we wont be able to use that method much longer. He is the one that gives the most trouble. My daughter is only 8 and she does not really get into trouble.

 

SweetPeaK26

Yes, we spank. We were both spanked, and feel it worked.

We had to stop going out with another couple and their son, because they didn't spank and it was so embarrassing to be out with him, he was SO naughty. They started spanking him when h

PrettyInPearls23

SuperSecretStatus:

I spank. I don't do it often, and I never do it out of frustration or anger. My husband wishes I would span

mmdd20

DH and I thought we would be ok with spanking in the case of safety risks/severe issues. We didn't have the issue come up until he turned two and we found him standing up balanced on the back of his rocking chair in his bedroom, right next to an open 2

1026pumpkin

SweetPeaK26:

Yes, we spank. We were both spanked, and feel it worked. We had to stop going out with another couple and the

C&Csmommy

We both fully agree on spanking for certain situations.

DS1 knows he will get spanked if he directly disobeys us when we have told him multiple times or have already put him in time out, lies not an issue yet or intentionally hurts someone.

LaSraOrtega

I was spanked as a child, actually, I was pretty abused by my mother, both physically and verbally. I know I will never go to that extreme with my children. No one deserves that.

DH was not disiplined at all as a child, neither was his brother. D

Vkeo79

Well my DH and I were both spanked as children and neither one of us are scarred from it or grew up thinking it was ok to hit. We both spank my son but on rare occassions and only as a last resort. In fact, we haven't had to spank in a very long time b

katiezab

DS doesn't get it usually. He gets time outs and they are effective. If he has the same problem over and over, like for days or weeks, I might slap his hand or maybe a light spank and I think that finally makes him understand that he should not do whateve

JamieWM

EMLYNNLERETTE:

I had a feeling this topic was up soon... DH and I agreed to spank for the same reasons you spank now when p

daileym

I am enjoying reading all of the responses. It is nice to see a few people can relate to being in between like me. All of my friends are strongly one way or the other, so I don't have a lot of people who are in my shoes and trying to figure out what works

EMLYNNLERETTE

LaSraOrtega:

DH was not disiplined at all as a child, neither was his brother. DH turned out fine, BIL is lazy, manipulative, very

rab2006

Generally speaking no. If it's something that can cause absolute harm to DD or someone else, then we may. Example: running into the street. When DD was 2, we told her over and over no to the street. After telling her enough if she did it, she got a little

SuperSecretStatus

I'd also like to add that spanking can be effective just like any other discipline method if your child responds well to it and it is done correctly. There's a huge difference between beating/hitting your child and actual spanking. It's all about how y

SuperSecretStatus

EMLYNNLERETTE:

So you are saying that your BIL is a POS because he wasn't spanked? Riiight. I'm sure there are a lot of

LaSraOrtega

SuperSecretStatus:

magdalina.h

We do spank. It's not the primary form of punishment nor is it frequent. It is NEVER used as a form of punishment if he hits. Usually it's because he was about to do something dangerous, like run across a parking lot.

We primarily use time out <b

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SweetPeaK26

1026pumpkin:

SweetPeaK2

EOB584

DH and I talked about spanking before DD was born. We agreed we would not spank. I was spanked as a child and honestly it did nothing. I laughed at my parents or told them it didn't hurt. It just wasn't an effective punishment for me so my parents found o

JocelynB0911

DD has only been swatted (its the shock factor for her, nothing hard ever) a total of 4 times in her 3 years of life. She ran from me in the parking lot twice when we first let her start walking to and from the car while holding hands (I got her out th

Sa039ra

We do not and will not.  DH was spanked, I was not. DH could go either way but I am strongly against it.  We discussed not spanking before we got married.  

PrettyInPearls23

JamieWM:

THIS! ugh I find spanking barbaric and unnecessary when there are other options for effective discipline.  

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achadwick19

I mean, this is my first time I'll be a parent. But I'm definitely against it and so is my husband. I've never been spanked and I was a great kid. My husband was spanked, but doesn't think it was effective. I don't think it's necessary, but I also can

EMLYNNLERETTE

LaSraOrtega:

SuperSecretSt

diablesse

This is our first child and I think I will wait to see what happens before I decide not to spank.  I was spanked as were all my siblings and we came from an extremely nurturing and caring household.

Like a PP said, I'll try other met

kat81again2

EMLYNNLERETTE:

LaSr

kat81again2

oh one thing I forgot to say in my post is that I was spanked as a child. I don't think that DH was. The spanking wasn't bad for us per se...it was seldom and it didn't teach us that hitting was ok nor did we feel abused. But it did actually hurt quite a

kimmykaye

For us, spanking is a last resort.  We mostly use a form of time out.  We have our children face the wall and have them focus on keeping their nose on the wall and have them fold their arms.  When I ask them to do something or not do someth