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edesantisedesantis member
in Secondary IF

Hi

I have been checking out this board for a little while and am finally posting. Sorry if it is a bit long.  A little about me.  My husband and I have an awesome 7 year old son and have been trying to conceive #2 since he was 2, so 5 years.  We have unexplained infertility and have done everything from clomid, 5 IUI's and 5 IVF's.  Our last IVF while staioned in Germany ( my husband is in the military) was successful but I misscarried at 9 weeks.  Needless to say it has been devastating journey made worse by the fact that my husband has been gone for 2 out of the last three years. Makes it pretty hard to work on having a baby, although I did do 2 rounds of IVF while he was deployed.   

I have been really struggling with this for 5 years now.  The jealousy, anger, sadness, trying to not let it define me.  Dealing with the miscarriage after all of these years has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, especially since my husband wasn't here.   My son and I moved back to the states this year while my husband is gone to be with family.  We are living with my sister, her husband and now now 14 month old nephew.  Two months after I miscarried she finds out she is pregnant again a total accident.  I was in such a bad place still dealing with losing a baby after trying for 5 years, I think that just took all the wind out of my sails.   Now I am trying to be the supportive big sister helping to pick out baby names although in my head all I think is how unfair this is. I am so bitter and jealous it is hard to be around her every day.  I know that is sooo terrible and I want to be happy for her I just don't have it in me.  I know when my new nephew gets here I will love him to pieces but right now it is still so painful. 

I cannot seem to find where I fit in.  At my sons school I look for other single kids in his class but he is always the only one.  At the park he is the one playing with his mom while everyone else plays with their brothers and sisters.  I tried joining a local infertility support group but was turned off because the leader of the group suggested that many of the women may not understand the pain of secondary infertility. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable so I never went.

I have been  going to actupuncture and taking supplements hoping that when my husband gets back we can start trying again.  We will see what happens.    

So all of these are reasons why I am finally posting. I needed an outlet with women who do undertand what I am going through.  Sorry this was so long. 

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  • efhoping2010efhoping2010 member
    I am sorry you are having a tough time, this is a very welcoming and supportive place. I am a big fan of acupuncture too. Will you cycle again?
    H: 34 dx Azoospermia due to CBAVD from CF  
    ME: 39 IS FINE!!!  DOR and poor AMH/FSH/LH
    IVF/ICSI/PESA #1 Beta 1 373 Beta 2 1783 BOY/GIRL TWINS!! Born April 2010!!
    Natural FET 5/26/12 2 blasts Beta 1 207 Beta 2 513 Beta 3 1377 U/S 6/28 Pregnancy not viable d & c scheduled :( 
    IVF/ICSI/PESA #2 ER 11/15/12 Nothing to transfer :( 
    IVF/ICSI #3 April 2013 MDLF 3dt of 3 embryos, chemical :(  
    IVF #4/ICSI/MESA/CCS/FET EPP April 2015
    ODWU CCRM with Dr. Sch COMPLETE!!!! Put on acai supplement they are studying for DOR and embryo quality.
    DAY 3 Labs Drawn 2/26 put on vitamin D and calcium supplements
    Regroup and Protocol Reveal 3/04 "Bazooka Protocol" EPP with MDLF "Protocol 6 with patches"
    ER/MESA 4/10 ER 9 eggs retrieved MESA success found live swimmers :)
    Fertilization Report 6 eggs mature and ICSI'd 4 eggs fertilized normally
    Day 6 Report to Blast for CCS 4/16: 2 DAY 5 BLASTS BIOPSIED FOR CCS a 4AB and a 3AB!!!!
    CCS Results BOTH BLASTS CCS NORMAL!!!!!!  call on 4/24
    Regroup call to discuss CCS results and FET call on 5/20
    FET prep: CD 1 6/08 CD 3 Start BCP 6/10, HSG 6/12 Lupron Start 10 iu 6/17 End BCP 6/21 CD 1 6/23!!!
    Start vivelle patches 6/25 change e/o/d reduce Lupron to 5iu 6/25 Blood Draw 7/01, 7/08, 7/15, 7/19
    Increase vivelle patches 7/03 2 change e/o/d and 7/05 change e/o/d 3 and 7/07 4 change e/o/d add vaginal estrace 2x a day
    Lining Check/Blood Draw 7/08 and 7/15 End Lupron 7/18  Start PIO 1ml daily 7/18  Blood  Draw 7/19
    Flight to clinic 7/22
    FET 2 CCS BLASTS :):)  7/23 :):) YES YES both thawed and both fully expanded :):)
    7/26 :):) 3dp5dt PM very very faint positive FRER
    7/27: 4dp5dt Neg Digi AM but very very faint positive FRER PM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 1-2 :):) 
    7/31:8dp5dt AM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 2-3!!!! :):) 
    Beta 1 8/01= 408!!!!!!!!!! at 9dp5dt FET
    Beta 2 8/03 = 1014!!!!!!!!!! at 11dp5dt FET
    8/05/2015 AM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 3+!!!! :):) 
    First Ultrasound: 8/20!!!!!! TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Genetics says BOTH BOYS!!!!!!!!!
    Second Ultrasound: 9/03!!!!!!!!!!










     










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  • edesantisedesantis member
    We will be moving to Kansas( for a year) when my husband gets back so I have already started looking at new RE's. I think we are going to try IVF again and hope for the best.  I love going to actupuncture too and at this poin
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  • mlampingmlamping member
    Welcome and best of luck! 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • tryingyetagaintryingyetagain member
    I'm so sorry.  You have really been through a lot, and I can't imagine how much harder it would be to have your DH so far away during a lot of it.  I'm glad you have your son and a family to support you, but hopefully you will also be&

    Me: 42. DH: 46.

    1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

    2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

    3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

    4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

    5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

    Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

    August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
    Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
    Baby is due 4/26/14

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker

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