Unsure about children...
Okay, so I'm getting married next August (2014) and quite excited, as well as looking forward to attending graduate school in two years after I've satisfied my craving for local volunteer work and proper savings...so Fall of 2015 would be the semester for moving.
My family and future-husband would love children, and I think that I would love to have them as well. Sadly, I am also having doubts about the effects on my education and happiness on a personal level-- I take my education and goals very seriously. I fear that either the child would interfere with my education/career/research (requiring travel every two years or so), or, worse, that it would all interfere with the development of my relationship with my child(ren). That's my more significant concern, as I'm not sure how fantastic of a mother I would be with research and career goals.
That said, if I do have children, one or two, I'm fixed on having them before 26-- before I would complete my graduate education. Although, husband would be working full-time before such children would be born, obviously due to financial reasons. I do not want to be an older mother, and this is not with the intention of disrespecting delayed-mothers because I feel the utmost respect for them. I simply like the way that my family has tended to structure their timing of family and such, not that any of them had attended graduate school, and this seems to be the major difference. I have a ticking biological clock that simply does not call for me to wait anyway.
Just wondering what others think about the potential/likely conflict between education/research/work with raising a child or two. I think being a mother would be fun/rewarding, despite the demanding nature of such a responsibility, but the fear of being a bad mother would be enough to drive me away from the possibility. This would also lead to major disappointment by others, and they do have their ways of making me reconsider after I mention the possibility of not having kids-- not out of guilt, but out of concern that my reasoning may not be the best because no mother is perfect or whatever. I don't think they understand how adamant I am about doing things the right way!
So yeah, working, kids, school, etc...worth it? Not worth it? Guilt on either side? Potential harm to marriage due to stress? I'm very curious as to others' experiences in the matter, especially about having kids around 22-24-- relatively early in life these days.
Thanks!
Re: Unsure about children...
4 Random Thoughts as I Read:
A. If your FI wants children and you don't, this can be a major deal breaker. Solve this before you get married. Not trying to be unkind, but to me you just can't negotiate this one.
B. Pr
Having kids does not discount your education nor does it mean you cannot pursue more education. I had my DS during dental school and am currently TTC#2 while in residency. My aunt has a PhD in biomechanical engineering and travels all over
I had my son about a month after I graduated with my Bachelor's. I went straight into a 2-year Master's program and did that with him at home. I was a full-time student and grad assistant, which was more flexible and gave me more time with him than any
I ab
I'm not sure if there is ever a "right" way to go about doing things. You might be physcially ideal for pregnancy at age 25, but often the other areas of our lives aren't as developed by that point in time; hence the "delayed mothers" you sp
I probably should have explained this. I don't mean delayed mothers so much in regard to healthy women. Yes, my family all had kids young and liked it that way, that is true. Sadly, I have epilepsy directly linked to hormonal issues and my doctors thin
Sorry for the triple post, but I forgot to mention that Maya+More's signature made me laugh, in a good way
I would say wait to have LO's. Get your stuff you want to do out of the way. Not really sure why you have a goal of 26 yrs old but that's still young to have children. I've got my degree and full time job and won't be to long I'll be ready for a LO. Bu
* June TTGP siggy *
BFP: 4/21/14|EDD: 12/23/14
* June TTGP siggy *
BFP: 4/21/14|EDD: 12/23/14
I agree with others that the whole kids/no kids issue needs to be hashed out before marriage. That is certainly a deal breaker marriage issue.
I got married at 22 and started graduate school at 23. Finished that at 25 and started my c
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
I normally lurk but just wanted to add my 0.02.
I just (within the past three months) finished my PhD in a geology-related field at a good university, and am now working as a postdoc at another university. I would consider myself suc