Just found out we are infertile, need support

ramora189

Hi, 

I need somewhere to vent my pain and sadness and anger where there are people who wont look at like i'm slighty insane, or need to relax, or just need to pray more, or or or or..... I know that anyone on this board is going through something similar. I never thought it would be me. Be ready for a long post. So here goes

 I'm 24 DH is 26. We've been trying for 15 months and recently decided it was time to get checked out. I always thought that IF we were infertile it would be because of me. After all I have long cycles, painful periods, and have always been told that it's usually the woman's "fault" if the couple is infertile. Well after my workups it looks like i'm healthy. DH, however, isn't so lucky.

 Some background on him: he had two undescended testicles that were surgically brought down when he was 22 months. The surgeon only successfully brought one down, the other slowly atrophied as he got older. 2 days after he was out of surgery he had to be readmitted for 5 days because of a raging infection in his genitals. When his mother asked if this meant he would be infertile the doctor said it was unlikely. 

 So he goes to get checked out at 26 and his doctor has him give a sperm sample which showed that my dear hubby has zero sperm. none. We get more tests done and all of them confirm this diagnosis. He has super high FSH, white blood cells in his semen and no sperm. This all points to one thing: testicular failure.

 The awful thing about this is that it doesn't seem like theres anything we can do about it. If he doesn't produce sperm we can't do IUI or IVF. Even if we could, our religious beliefs prevent it.

Now I'm stuck with this unavoidable unspeakably sad reality that I'm not going to get to have biological kids with my partner. I will never know what it is to get a BFP, tell my family and friends we are expecting, watch DH's face relax as he pets my growing belly, feel my baby move within me, go through all the beautiful and horrible bodily changes of pregnancy, know what it is like to bring life into the world, go through labour and triumph with a baby in my arms, feel my little one suckle from my breasts, hold my baby in my arms and marvel at each one of their perfect little fingers toes, or any of the other miraculous experiences that most women go through. I weep as I write this. I weep as I think of my babies that I've wished and longed for no longer just a month away but...never to be. I weep as I think of all the young mothers who give up this miracle because it is inconvenient. I weep as I blame God. I weep as I blame myself. I weep as I blame DH. I weep, I weep, I weep and yet all my tears bring no relief. All my tears bring only more sorrow.

DH wants to keep it quite until we know for sure that there is nothing to be done. The few people we have told don't really know how to deal with it or us. And so, I weep. 

There are days that are easy and days that are so hard. Today has been the latter. All afternoon I endured my hubby's family talk to his sister about her newly announced pregnancy. The whole time I suppressed the voice within me screaming THIS WILL NEVER BE YOU! Every now and then someone would look at me and say "don't stress out, it will happen for you soon enough." It's like telling a starving person "don't worry, don't stress, somewhere in the world there is food, you just have no way of getting there." While my emaciated fingers stretch out to the nothing that awaits them.

Even now, I feel bad for writing something so depressing, so sad. I'm sorry if I've brought you down. Thank you for reading though, I need someone to know what I'm going through even if no one who knows me personally cannot.

Even though I know we will adopt it does not dull this pain. While I might end up being a parent, I feel and fear I might never be a mother.  

firesiren

It's ok. You're with friends here who have similar stories. I hope you get some answers. If you want there's an MFImale factor infertility post below, leave a comment to add yourself. There's quite a few of us and we are all at different stages. Good

Sunny B

I'm so sorry that you are going through this You will get great support here for sure. Know you are not weeping alone. There are many many of us who are weeping right along with you. You're not alone. 

 

RosyGlow

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Have you considered donor embryos? That could be a way to get to experience some of what you have stated above, without having to use your own eggs and create "extra" embryos, which I know is one of the rel

ramora189

THank you for your responses. I can't tell you how much they help although I wish with all my heart none of us had to go through this. 

@RosyGlow: I've never heard of donor embryos before. I'll look into that. Thanks. 

RosyGlow

In order to learn more, check out the 3rd Party Reproduction board. They have a lot of great information about donor embryos there. Donor embryos usually come from other couples who have done IVF and had "extra" embryos that now need a new home. These

PhillyJ33

Welcome and I am sorry you are going through this and found yourself here.

megs3084

Hugs! I agree with everyone else. Donur sperm is an option to have a child that is partially biological. You can also use donor embryos or embryo adoption. With those cases you still get to carry, birth, breastfeed etc. Best of luck to you and know y

melkel559

I am so sorry you are going through this. We are currently going thought an IUI with donor sperm so if you have any questions about that feel free to PM me.

daiseydooda

I am so sorry you are going through this. You could also use your embryos with donor sperm and donate any extra embryos to a couple in need. Again I am so sorry you will definitely find support here.

Irishlove16

I am so sorry that you are going through this. This place is the best place to vent and get advice. Your not alone! I wish you the best with what ever you decide!

ladyrader0227

Don't worry about long or depressing posts - we have all been there at some point. (i've had a rough few days myself) Know that there are folks out here praying for you. It is a rough road but you are not alone.

ChrissieK5

I'm so so sorry you are going through this. It is honestly one of the worst things to go through. I weeped for you while reading this. Stay strong. Vent any time you need to. We are hear to listen.

chucktgirl

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. We all cry...sometimes very often. (Like me, all day today!) The good news is that you've just met a lot of people in a similar situation, and you are able to freely vent and ask questions safely here. I hope you will

Holly&Troy

Glad you decided to find support here, I am new and doing the same with similar news. My husband also has no sperm due to a vasectomy in years past. He had a reversal over a year ago and it did not work. In our case, insurance does not cover anything beca

JSM0801

I am so sorry and sad as I read your post. I know how devastating it is to find out this news. You are in the right place and will find a great deal of support and comfort here. There are still options for you, so don't give up hope. Welcome to the board,

zazu13

I am so very sorry. Finding out about infertility is a huge loss. I sobbed when I found out we had male factor infertility. After several failed treatments it is apparent that we have female factors as well. I agree with you that we will adopt if/when the

ramora189

Thank you to everyone for your kind words it really does help knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Last night I had a heart to heart with DH and although he listened he told me he just doesn't feel the loss the way I do. I brought up the

LuClo

.....PAIF response.....

My DH was also diagnosed with azoospermia. It was crushing and my heart goes out to you. We decided to work with a urologist that specializes in MFI. Although all his tests are still 0, the doctor was able to go in

AnneKlippert

It is normal to be very confused at this stage.  It is also much more normal

NJHopeful

I feel your pain!!! MIF stinks and I feel your pain. Are you seeing a urologist? DH is being treated along with our RE to get hubby's sperm up from zero. Have they started him on clomid? We just got our tests back and his hormone levels have doubled which