My H has changed

Tasheystar

Hello ladies. It's been a while since I've posted, but I'm just going to jump right in. Feel free to ask for clarification if needed.

As the title says, my H has changed. When we first dated and when we got married, he was very involved with SD, and saw her EOW. This is when possible, he's in the military and is away a lot. Now, he'll sometimes go weeks without speaking or seeing her when he can. For example, last spring he said maybe we should see if we could get her this one weekend. I said "yeah, it's been 6 weeks". He didn't believe me until I showed him on the calendar. I'm not talking he was gone for that time. This was six weeks where he was home and fully capable of getting her.

He's been doing a lot of that. Yesterday he got off work early. Instead of going to get her because we can have her only ThuSat this weekend, he came home and watched tv and played with his models. When we were going to bed, I asked what time he was leaving to go pick her up this morning. Really freaking early! When I asked why he didn't go get her yesterday, he said "I didn't feel like it", and "I didn't want to drive 3 hours by myself". I had to refrain from laughing because he's making the drive by himself today instead. Only the first half would be by himself anyway. SD would be with him, and 1.5 hours is not a lot of time to drive alone.

There are more examples, but I don't want to bore you.

Why does this bother me, you ask? Part of the reason I fell in love with him is that he was such a good father. Ugh. This is just a vent I guess, but I can't talk to anyone else about it just now. I worry about how this affects SD, and I worry that if we were to separate, that the boys would never see their father either.

PS: SD just turned 7, and there's no CO

fellesferie

Sorry you're dealing with this. 

I see that you have an 8-month old, and I would say that even in intact families the elder children don't get quite as much attention after a baby is born.

But not seeing a child for six weeks is obvio

Phantomgirl

I wouldn't push or probe him. You can't control other people.

I'd tell him honestly how you feel and how it makes you worry about your kids.

From there it's up to him.

Ilumine

Given he is in the military, there could be some underlying issues at hand. 

I would try to have a calm conversation (NOT AROUND THE TIME YOU HAVE TO PICK HER UP), where you ask him if there is anything going on.  And use his backing o

Tasheystar

I used to be more vocal about him taking all the time he can. I've dropped the rope lately in that respect. If I say stuff he doesn't want to hear, he shuts down. We are technically in counseling, though we haven't been in a month.

I know wh

Tasheystar

Ilumine:

Given he is in the military, there could be some underlying issues at hand.nbsp; I would try to have a calm conversation N

fellesferie

Tasheystar:

I used to be more vocal about him taking all the time he can. I've dropped the rope lately in that respect. If I s

Tasheystar

fellesferie:

Tasheystar

fellesferie

Tasheystar:

 Yup. Except last weekend when I was sick all day Sunday.

Are you okay with that? Di

Tasheystar

fellesferie:

Tasheystar

fellesferie

Tasheystar:

That was one of the things that was bothering me, and has led to some fights. I want to talk more during therapy,

DaringMiss

Is there a custody agreement in place?  

I would suggest that you discuss with him setting up a regular schedule for visitation.  I know that his job will cause him to miss time, but having a set of expectated visit times can take the g

Tasheystar

He could be depressed. The thing is that he hates, hates, hates going to the doctor or talking about things. I told him again this morning that I really feel we need to go back to counseling. He kind of agreed, but I know he doesn't want to, and will put

riabiron

Make the counseling appointment and then tell him when it is. Don't give him the choice or wait for him to agree to it. If he refuses then you go.

awesomenus1341

I am sorry but I disagree with PP's about not pushing him or saying things directly to him about it. My DH was the opposite, when we met, he would see his son maybe once a month, sometimes 6 weeks or more in between. When things started to get more seriou

Tasheystar

I think I may schedule the appointment and tell him to reschedule if it doesn't fit his schedule. That's if they let me. I'm not sure, as he's the military one. I do know that if he schedules and misses an appointment, he could get in trouble from his CO.