Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
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I am NOT ok!
It will be 6 weeks on Friday since my D and E after losing a baby boy at 18 weeks. I have had a few good days where I feel like I'm pulling myself out of this horrible depression, but the bad days still consume me. I am still not sleeping at night at all. It's 2:30 am and I can't turn my mind off. This happens every night. I lay here listening to my husband snore. He is completely fine and over the loss. I still can't bring myself to go into what was going to be the baby's room. I actually want to move, and I know it's crazy, but I feel like I want a fresh start somewhere.
My cousin and I were due 3 days apart. She literally never wanted children and is still complaining about getting pregnant again. I have cut myself off from her completely as a result of her posting things like this on Facebook the same week she found out I lost the baby... And I quote "I just wish I could smoke and drink without people starting at me!" And "what the hell am i going to do with a boy?" She is terribly insensitive and I about lost it on her. But my husband made me hold my tongue saying I'm better than that and everyone knows what kind of person she is.
The problem is, now I'm watching her mother and sister posting pictures of baby furniture and other baby items on Facebook. Yes, THEY are working on it bc my cousin isn't interested. It absolutely breaks my heart that all of us struggle so badly with such a devastating loss and someone like her sails thru pregnancy without a single ounce of excitement.
I know she is family and I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't hold this in any longer. I'm really struggling and I can't get my feelings out without sounding petty, so I'm venting here in our safe zone. I don't know what else to do. I'm even skipping the family Easter bc I don't want to see her for fear I will let her have it.
It's been 6 weeks....I still feel the heartbreak. I want so badly to try again, but I'm so afraid this will happen again. I was supposed to lose as much weight as I could in these 6 weeks so next week, when I see my doctor, my blood pressure would be back to normal and I would get the ok to start trying again. I can't stop the emotional eating and I have actually gained weight. I can't stop...I am not healing from this, and I just don't know what to do.
Thank you for listening to my much needed vent! I just had to get this out of me!
My cousin and I were due 3 days apart. She literally never wanted children and is still complaining about getting pregnant again. I have cut myself off from her completely as a result of her posting things like this on Facebook the same week she found out I lost the baby... And I quote "I just wish I could smoke and drink without people starting at me!" And "what the hell am i going to do with a boy?" She is terribly insensitive and I about lost it on her. But my husband made me hold my tongue saying I'm better than that and everyone knows what kind of person she is.
The problem is, now I'm watching her mother and sister posting pictures of baby furniture and other baby items on Facebook. Yes, THEY are working on it bc my cousin isn't interested. It absolutely breaks my heart that all of us struggle so badly with such a devastating loss and someone like her sails thru pregnancy without a single ounce of excitement.
I know she is family and I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't hold this in any longer. I'm really struggling and I can't get my feelings out without sounding petty, so I'm venting here in our safe zone. I don't know what else to do. I'm even skipping the family Easter bc I don't want to see her for fear I will let her have it.
It's been 6 weeks....I still feel the heartbreak. I want so badly to try again, but I'm so afraid this will happen again. I was supposed to lose as much weight as I could in these 6 weeks so next week, when I see my doctor, my blood pressure would be back to normal and I would get the ok to start trying again. I can't stop the emotional eating and I have actually gained weight. I can't stop...I am not healing from this, and I just don't know what to do.
Thank you for listening to my much needed vent! I just had to get this out of me!
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Re: I am NOT ok!
I am so sorry for your loss. It's so frustrating that people who would make wonderful parents struggle and people who should NEVER be parents, have them so easily.
Its not fair! I'm so sorry you are going through this.