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It's over (m/c mentioned)

liz4pawsliz4paws member
in Infertility Veterans
I write this through tears.

Our snowflake baby didn't make it. No heartbeat today. The fetal pole had shrunk which the OB said is a sign of reabsorption. The fact that it shrunk was enough for the OB to assure us that this baby didn't make it on it's own and we have a D&C scheduled for tomorrow, I will be 9w1d. I feel comfortable knowing this is the right thing to do now.

Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers.

I think I want to go plant a tree in our yard near my mom's memorial tree in our baby's memory. I already miss this baby so much.
 
ETA: Sorry for the big font, not sure why that happened. 

************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
 Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
 Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
 DH: Severe MFI

 12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration

 12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
 2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
 2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
 3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!  
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
 9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
 11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

Snowflake baby is a girl! 
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
 My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
  
    image      image 
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Re: It's over (m/c mentioned)

  • DoublePortionDoublePortion member

    I'm sending you my biggest hugs. I wrote this on your blog, but realize I should have put more than "-DP" as a signature. Many prayers that the D&C goes smoothly.

    My heart aches for you and YH. I wish the outcome had been different, but


    ***signature & ticker warning***

    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013     ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)     Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.

    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!

    image

    image
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  • SophistikittySophistikitty member

    I am so so sorry. My heart breaks for you.  IF is so incredibly cruel and unfair.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.


    ***SIGNATURE WARNING***


    TTC #1

    Me 42, DH 47

    Dx = AMA/DOR, MFI

    IVF/ICSI #1 = BFN

    IVF/ICSI #2 = BFP; early loss

    IVF/ICSI #3 (DE) = BFP; early loss

    FET = BFN

    IVF/ICSI #4 (DE w/ CCS) = BFP

    Beta #1 @ 10dp6dt = 265; Beta #2 @ 14dp6dt = 1251. 

    1st U/S @ 6w2d showed one perfect little heartbeat! 

    2nd U/S @ 7w2d. HB 132 & everything measuring on track.

    Our beautiful little girl arrived January 2015!


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  • Lacyj67Lacyj67 member
    Liz, You gave this everything you had and I'm so sorry it didn't work out this time. It is a sad day for all IF girls watching you go through this and I hope that planting the tree can give you some peace.
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






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  • PurpleIris30PurpleIris30 member
    I am so very sorry. I had hoped for a different outcome for you. I think planting a tree sounds like a lovely idea.
    Married 8/2008. IVF with PGD March 2013.
    3/22 ER: 25R, 20M, 15F. 9 genetically normal, and 3 survived to Day 5
    3/27 ET: transferred 1 embryo, beta 9dp5dt=163, 12dp5dt=639
    4/25 1st ultrasound at 7 weeks = identical twins with heartbeats?!!!
    PPROM at 31w, delivery at 32 weeks of two beautiful girls
    image
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  • hootie123hootie123 member

    oh Liz I am heartbroken for you.  This is so unfair. :(

    (((huge hugs)))

     TTC #1 since 6/09
    Dx: PCOS and MFI
    3 IUIs, 4 IVFs = BFFN
      3rd RE: IVF #5/FET = BFP
    14dp5dt=1170 16dp5dt=2573
    1st u/s=    TWINS!
    It's a Boy and a Girl!

    Born at 34w3d! 
     

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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
    I'm so sorry Liz. Take good care of yourself right now. Hugs(((())))

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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  • LaineyPaneyLaineyPaney member
    Many thoughts and prayers coming your way.
    image wedding countdown
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  • twistsandturnsto2twistsandturnsto2 member

    *****Lurker from IF*****

    im so sorry to see this. Many Thoughts and Prayers to you and your DH as you grieve this loss and try to move forward.  

    Me: 37, DH: 35 :: TCC since 2/11 SA: Perfect! CD3  HSG = Blocked Right Tube
    April- Femara 2.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN   May- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN
    June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN  August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
    September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN  October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
    IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 10M, 8F, 2T, 6 F) :: Beta #1- 176  c/p @ 4w4d
    FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
    IVF # 2 Stims 5/10 ER 5/21 (15R, 13M, 13F, 2T, 7F- 6d3 & 1d5) :: Beta # 1- 15 c/p @ 4w
    FET #2 Cancelled, Right Tube Developed a Hydro  8/28 Hydro & Scar Tissue Removed  Cleared for FET
    FET #2.2 Scheduled for September 20th
    2 Thawed, 2 Transferred! Beta #1- 96, Beta #2 906! :: EDD June 10th
    2015- 2 failed FET. We are done
    SURPRISE! BFP 8/8/16   EDD 4/1/17

     
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • J&D2007J&D2007 member
    I am so very sorry, I'm teary too just reading this. There are no words to help, just time. I did something special to commemorate my lost ones' birthday' last year. It does get easier but it will always be in our hearts. Thinking of you and DH today.
    Me: 37, DH: 38: ttc 7 years, dx: unknown
    10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
    11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
    12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
    6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
    IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
    IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
    IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
    IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
    10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
    Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
    Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.
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  • brooklynesquebrooklynesque member
    I'm so sorry, Liz. My heart breaks for you.
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  • lincoln79lincoln79 member

    there are no words to appropriately comfort. i know how heartbroken you and yh are. t and p from mh and i.

    take special care and we are here when you need us! 

    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d, 
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

    image










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  • BzeetyDBzeetyD member

    I'm so sorry. I know how much we all hoped this little one would pull through for you two.

    Take your time. Know that there is no right or wrong ways to feel and that we are here for you, caring for you, wanting the best and brightest light to wa

    BzeetyD = 38, Mr. BzeetyD = 44 together 12/02 married 9/08
    TTC #1 since 1/10
    DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues

    Our lil' lost sparks:
    5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
    8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
    8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
    4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013

    Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
    RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal

    Moving on to IVF.

    IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy

    Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
    IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
    FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
    Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14

    After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
    We are so in love with her.

    "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

    Everybody is welcome!!!
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  • megs3084megs3084 member
    I'm so sorry Liz.  I know nothing I say can help the pain you are feeling, just know that I am praying so hard for you & yh.  The tree idea is a beautiful idea.  ((hugs))
    "Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
    Me:29 DH:29  TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues 
    Feb'12- July'12-testing(all clear minus slight arcuate ute), 3 IUI with clomid all BFN
    8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F. 
    ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
    IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
    ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
    3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.  
    DX: High NK cells, cytokines, DHEAs& PAI1;  hypothyroid, +APA, restricted bloodflow
    7/13 IVF#3 Long lupron protocol with PIO, Crinone, Prometrium, and vivelle
    (plus synthroid, metformin, baby asa, metanx, PNV, Vit E, D, calcium, fish oil, CoQ10, IVIg infusions and lovenox per Dr. Kwak-kim)
    ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
    ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts.  SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
    Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!!  1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
    11/11: TEAM PURPLE!!!!!
    3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection
    Here Comes the Sun Blog
    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
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  • rockpaperloverockpaperlove member
    I am so sorry.  I am planting some flowers in the yard today...you and your angel will be in my thoughts and I will plant one especially for your sweet angel.  Hugs and love.

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

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  • PrettyAccountantPrettyAccountant member

    Liz, My heart just broke reading this. I know this outcome was possible but I was so holding out hope that this would be it for you. I love the idea of the tree. We planted three trees in our yard for our triplets. A cherry tree for our daughter and a

    TTC 1/2010 DH Dx - Azoospermia 2/2011
    Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
    DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
    IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
    IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
    1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
    Prayers for our take home babies!
    2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
    My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
    Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
    IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
    Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
    Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
    A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
    Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
    IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
    transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
    Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
    Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
    Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
    AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • zazu13zazu13 member
    I think the tree is a beautiful idea. My m/c was much earlier than yours, but I vividly remember the pain. I'm so, so sorry you have to go through this. It is cruel that infertility robs us of what so many take for granted, but to have a miracle taken awa

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

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  • thecuddleeffectthecuddleeffect member
    I am so so so sorry. Big huge hugs to you. I think a tree in your angels honor is a beautiful thing. <3
    Lilypie - (5WpR)
    Me(26)PCOS, Hypothyroidism & Incompetent Cervix  DH(28)Azoospermia
    4/11 Off BCPs -- Cycle 1-3 (6months) - No ovulation, Provera
    Cycle 4-6 - Provera, Clomid 50mg, CD23BW - All BFN (HSG-all clear)
    Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
    TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
    IVF ICSI #1- (Lupron protocol) 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
    IVF ICSI #2-  (Antagonist protocol) Started stims 7/26
    ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
    <312/9 Joshua David and Zoe Faith born too early at 19w4d due to incompetent cervix <3
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
      LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - 4/15/13 only possibility of carrying my children to term 
    IVF#3 - June 2013 -  canceled.
    IVF ICSI #3.2- (Antagonist Protocol) 7/26 start stims (same day, a year later from J & Z's stim start date!)
     ER 8/7 19R 9F 3dt of 2- 8BF embryos. (+HPT 7dp3dt) Beta #1 - 82.8 Beta #2 - 821 Beta #3 - 7254
    9/11/13 - U/S shows 1 baby HR 135bpm! EDD: 4/30/13
    It's a BOY!!
    2/9/14 - DX Gestational Diabetes
    C-section scheduled for 4/7/14 (36w5d)
    Colin Joseph - 1:07pm 6lbs 14oz - 8 days in the NICU
    Everyone Welcome!
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  • pbj1975pbj1975
    My heart just broke for you. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I hope and pray you can find a sense of peace. :
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  • djma81djma81 member
    Oh no Liz I'm so incredibly sorry this has happened. :-(. You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you both. RIP Maggie. 
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  • Scoop77Scoop77 member
    I'm so, so sorry.
    Report Reply
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