Secondary IF

Not sure where to go from here

I haven't been posting or responding much lately, although I still lurk.  I wanted to thank everyone for all of their responses and posts and comments during what was the craziest time of my life earlier this year!  It still seems strange to go from thinking I had maybe 3 babies in there, from 2 different months, to none.  I am 99% certain now that those other two "areas" on the U/S were never sacs...But for 4 weeks we really didn't know and I'll never forget those emotional ups and downs.  Thank goodness I could come here for reassurance and understanding.

I'm not sure where I go from here.  DH and I have been dancing around the subject, but we might be done.  We might just be happy with our family of three.  Will I regret it?  maybe.  Do I want to go through a third miscarriage?  Not really.  I know people go through SO much more than I have and I don't mean to diminish that one bit.  I think everyone has their limits and I'm admitting mine are lower and I'm not strong enough for all of this.  one thing is certain - I'm done with fertility treatments.  It's just not for me and my personality, which tends to be obsessive about things. 

The past few weeks I have sorted through and purged about 8 bins of DS's old clothes - some to Goodwill and some to friends.  I kept a very small pile of gender neutral baby things, just in case I guess.  I'm about to sell our glider, exersaucer, swing and jumper.  I have given away tons of old toys he no longer plays with.  I guess worst case scenario I buy new gear or get stuff from friends (All of our friends are having babies after us) or off Craig's list....

I feel sad that we haven't given DS a sibling, although he is the happiest kid I have ever met and just loves life.  He adores his cousins (he has 7) although they all live in NY and Ohio and he doens't see them as often as I'd like.   I don't think he feels anything is missing from his life though.  I wish we had tried sooner, maybe when he was 2 or 3, but I wasn't ready then I guess.  And as much as I want him to have a sibling, if I'm being completely honest, I don't know if I'm ready to go back to all the baby stuiff again - no sleep, sickness and worries, teething, diapers, communication struggles before they can talk, crying, etc.  Life is pretty easy with a very independent and mature 5 and a half year old.

I am so torn - i'm approaching 38 and don't have all the time in the world to decide so I'm just going to take a few deep breaths and think about it some more and what I want.  I just wanted to thank everyone here agin for their support.  i wish all of you only the best - whether that be with another child or not.  Praying for every single one of you!

Re: Not sure where to go from here

  • I just wanted to say that I fully understand you and you are NOT weak one bit!!! To go through IF and to have 2 MC's does not make you a weak person!!! I know first hand having had 2 MC myself and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try again!!! It SUCKS to have
  • Many hugs. Even though I'm more of a lurker here, I've followed your journey and hated all of the uncertainty that you went through.

    Everything you've expressed are all thoughts I've had (especaily about learning to be happy with a

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  • I am praying for you! You are a very strong woman! You will find the right decision in your heart, I just know it. Hugs!
    Carly
    (Former UN: iloveshanej)

    Birdie born 05/01/2007
    Rainbow Surprise Baby due 05/26/2017                                          


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  • I am sorry you are facing such tough life decisions (((hugs)))
    H: 34 dx Azoospermia due to CBAVD from CF  
    ME: 39 IS FINE!!!  DOR and poor AMH/FSH/LH
    IVF/ICSI/PESA #1 Beta 1 373 Beta 2 1783 BOY/GIRL TWINS!! Born April 2010!!
    Natural FET 5/26/12 2 blasts Beta 1 207 Beta 2 513 Beta 3 1377 U/S 6/28 Pregnancy not viable d & c scheduled :( 
    IVF/ICSI/PESA #2 ER 11/15/12 Nothing to transfer :( 
    IVF/ICSI #3 April 2013 MDLF 3dt of 3 embryos, chemical :(  
    IVF #4/ICSI/MESA/CCS/FET EPP April 2015
    ODWU CCRM with Dr. Sch COMPLETE!!!! Put on acai supplement they are studying for DOR and embryo quality.
    DAY 3 Labs Drawn 2/26 put on vitamin D and calcium supplements
    Regroup and Protocol Reveal 3/04 "Bazooka Protocol" EPP with MDLF "Protocol 6 with patches"
    ER/MESA 4/10 ER 9 eggs retrieved MESA success found live swimmers :)
    Fertilization Report 6 eggs mature and ICSI'd 4 eggs fertilized normally
    Day 6 Report to Blast for CCS 4/16: 2 DAY 5 BLASTS BIOPSIED FOR CCS a 4AB and a 3AB!!!!
    CCS Results BOTH BLASTS CCS NORMAL!!!!!!  call on 4/24
    Regroup call to discuss CCS results and FET call on 5/20
    FET prep: CD 1 6/08 CD 3 Start BCP 6/10, HSG 6/12 Lupron Start 10 iu 6/17 End BCP 6/21 CD 1 6/23!!!
    Start vivelle patches 6/25 change e/o/d reduce Lupron to 5iu 6/25 Blood Draw 7/01, 7/08, 7/15, 7/19
    Increase vivelle patches 7/03 2 change e/o/d and 7/05 change e/o/d 3 and 7/07 4 change e/o/d add vaginal estrace 2x a day
    Lining Check/Blood Draw 7/08 and 7/15 End Lupron 7/18  Start PIO 1ml daily 7/18  Blood  Draw 7/19
    Flight to clinic 7/22
    FET 2 CCS BLASTS :):)  7/23 :):) YES YES both thawed and both fully expanded :):)
    7/26 :):) 3dp5dt PM very very faint positive FRER
    7/27: 4dp5dt Neg Digi AM but very very faint positive FRER PM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 1-2 :):) 
    7/31:8dp5dt AM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 2-3!!!! :):) 
    Beta 1 8/01= 408!!!!!!!!!! at 9dp5dt FET
    Beta 2 8/03 = 1014!!!!!!!!!! at 11dp5dt FET
    8/05/2015 AM POSITIVE DIGI CLEARBLUE PREGNANT 3+!!!! :):) 
    First Ultrasound: 8/20!!!!!! TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Genetics says BOTH BOYS!!!!!!!!!
    Second Ultrasound: 9/03!!!!!!!!!!










     










  • I'm so sorry that you are going through these feelings.  It just sucks that IF takes this kind of control over us.  It should be easier to decide your own family size.  :(  Praying for peace for you as you make this decision!  Goo
    TTC #3 (#1 for DH) since September 2011. DX: Unexplained infertility with possible cervical factor. May 2012 did clomid with IUI - BFN August 2012 IUI #2 w/ follistim/letrozole - BFN September 2012 IUI #3 w/ follistim/letrozole - BFN October 2012 IUI #4 w/ follistim/letrozole - BFN November/December 2012 IVF/ICSI #1 Retrieved 12 eggs, 8 fertilized. Transferred 1 beautiful embryo and 5 made it to freeze. Got my BFP! January 2013 u/s showed empty gestational sac. FET cycle April 2013.  Transferred 2 5 day embryos.  BFP!!!!!  2 heartbeats!!!!  EDD:  12/27/13
  • You just went thru a lot emotionally and physically.  I think you are smart to take time and figure out what to do next.  I'm almost 39 so like you I don't have much time.  




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  • imagekimberm0511:
    I'm so sorry that you are going through these feelings.  It just sucks that IF takes this kind of control ov
    TTC since 11/2009
    11/2010 DH SA good...01/2011 HSG is clear...01/2011 Consult with RE
    suprise BFP but m/c on 2/7/11
    03/2011 50 mg clomid=BFN
    04/2011 clomid+bromocriptine+IUI=BFP at 11dpiui
    Beta #1(11dpiui)=33, Beta #2 (13dpiui)=96, Beta #3 (20dpiui)=1910, Beta #4 (26dpiui)=20,134
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  • Thanks so much everyone :)  And we do actually have a trip to Disney World planned in one month - We planned this back when we were doing IUI as our last trip before I was hopefully pregnant again and also before DS is in school and we're dictated

  • I can so relate to where you are coming from. My DD is 2.5 and I marvel at just how much easier and fun life has gotten now that she is this age. I too wonder if I would be ok going back to that stage of babyhood or if I could become content with havin



     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
    Took a LONG Break
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
  • It is so tough struggling with all of these questions.  I am struggling with them myself.  I hope with time and some distance (yay for vacation!!), you'll be able to find the answers you are seeking.

    Have a great time at Disney Wor

    Me: 42. DH: 46.

    1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

    2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

    3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

    4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

    5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

    Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

    August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
    Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
    Baby is due 4/26/14

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