Feeling so guilty...LONG

mrs.meg799

My DD ia basically a "non-sleeper".  She takes maybe an hour's worth of naps TOTAL (on a good day) split into 3 or four chunks.  She only does one 2-3 hour sleep session a night and is up every 45 mins to 1.5 hr after that until she gets up for the day at 6 or 7 am.  Other than that, she is awesome.  Super friendly and social all day and easy to be around.  The problem is that I'm so sleep deprived that I'm miserable and not really enjoying this time as much as I would like to.  I feel like I'm just a raw nerve most of the time and I'm just getting through the days.  Terrible, I know.  So that's the first thing I feel guilty about.

 I have a small family, no sisters or aunts who I am close to, and my Mom lives out of state, so I don't have any relief except DH, who works 9 hours every day.  He is fantastic about getting up early in the morning to give me a couple of hours of sleep before the day starts, but there is only so much he can do and still be able to function at work.

I will be off work and at home with my DD until the middle of January. (when DD will be almost 5 months.  SHe's 12 weeks now).  When I do go back to work, it will only be for 20ish hours a week, so I know I am spending/will be spending a ton of time with baby then.

 The childcare provider who I plan to use when I go back to work is one of my mom's best friends.  I have known her since I was a little girl, and she has been doing in home childcare for like 15 years and is wonderful at it (I worked for her for a summer in my late teens so I'm familiar with how she runs things). 

She has offered to start taking DD 1 or 2 days a week to give me a break, and I am meeting with her tonight to chat with her about baby and scheduling.

 I just can't get over the guilty feelings about leaving her somewhere for the day just so I can get a break. Most of the moms I know have a mother or sister who can give them a little relief, and I just don't have that.  While the prospect of having a day to nap and maybe get a haircut sounds like heaven, I'm already feeling like a terrible mom for even considering it.  Ack.

TRAlbaugh

Don't feel guilty, you NEED sleep. You will enjoy your time with her more when you are well rested and a happy mommy makes a happier baby. It is not like you are sending her to the babysitter b/c you don't want to deal with her. You need to sleep.

mjcleve

I wouldn't feel guilty about that!  I still have a crappy sleeper at 5 months so I know how you feel.  Sometimes I will take a half day off work and leave DS at daycare for the second half of the day so that I can take a nap or get things done around the house.  Give yourself a break!

MattsWifey<3

hugs. i know what it's like to have a baby that doesnt sleep - - and is so happy (not a crier). it's so bitter sweet.

you need to make sure you stay happy, healthy and SANE for your family's sake. not sleeping will get to you quickly.

if you can catch a break by sending her to day care, then why not?! sounds like a wonderful situation with it being someone you've known forever. you'll get to take care of yourself, baby will be in good hands and you'll be a happy mommy and wife.

happy mommy = happy baby!

don't feel guilty. sounds like it's best for all of you. enjoy your sleep and 'me' time.

Stacyc625

you might be able to do some things to help her sleep better. babies usually sleep less and craptastically when they are overly tired.

so the key is to get your baby to nap BEFORE she is overly tired. (i made the overly tired mistake in the beginning and then a nestie helped me with some sleep problems)-- if baby gets up at 7am. change her, feed her, play with her for a little bit, and around 8:45 take her to up rock, calm down, nurse/feed, sing lullaybe and see if she drifts off. It might take a little bit for her to get used to it. but once she does- it works really well.

every two hours after being awake baby should then go down for a nap.

I too, had no help, and DH worked ALOT. I felt VERY much the same way, overwhelemd, exhausted, nonshowered, etc. My dd was super happy all day long- and never seemed tired. however some babies don't do the sleepy cues like others. I just thought to myself  'gee my baby is not a sleepy baby' ....

she just needed a little nudge. and around 12 weeks you will start to see a pattern to her day. you just need to 'guide' it a little and help her with her sleeping schedule.

i had a TOTAL turn around.

I would get three GOOD naps from her a day. (2-2.5hrs each)-- and that is also when she started sleeping MUCH better at night.

worth a shot.

don't get frustrated if she doesn't get it right away.

And its ok to let her chill in her crib for a little bit at that age. (of course if she is crying- go get her)-- but that will help her learn to chill and check out her digs and if she is happily content-- take advantage and squeeze a quick shower in.

dont' worry it gets better. sorry so long. any questions let me know., i was TOTALLY there

Jen0414

Don't feel guilty, you need to take care of yourself to take care of your baby.

ilovemygirls

I also had a "non-sleeper" as well with DD#1 so I can *completely* relate.  I, however, am not one to subscribe to mom guilt.  Seriously- there is not one positive or productive thing that comes from feeling guilty.  You figure out what you need to do- what is best for you, your child and your family as a whole- and you do it. 

You are going to be working part time- I'm sure there was some sacrifice that comes with that (ie. financial) so that you CAN stay home with your DD most of the time. It's healthy to be away from our kids sometimes- and for me, it's soooo fun coming home because I get that "grown up break" that I need.  As long as you are making sound choices that benefit your family, there is no need to live life feeling guilty!

jennmarie924

I've always been told the best way to take care of DC is by first taking care of yourself.  If you aren't feeling at your best, or even your half-best, you won't be the best mom for your DC.  It's not like you are starting daycare everyday, all day and staying home.  I know I used to feel like a baby slave before going back to work because I also had no help except for DH who works shift work and travels a lot.  Don't get down on yourself.  You will be a better mom for taking a little you-time.

mrs.meg799

Thank you so much, guys. I feel much better after reading your replies.  It's still going to be tough to leave her, but I think that once I get used to it, it will be a total sanity saver.