PG>35 Weekly Check-In: Harsh Realities Edition

danuli8

[Mobile: PG>35 Weekly Check-In: Harsh Realities Edition]

WARNING: If you are feeling particularly sensitive or anxious about your pregnancy right now, you might want to skip the second and third paragraphs of my intro. I am fine, but I talk about someone who is not.

Hello, ladies. As I write this, I can feel my baby thumping around in my tummy, and it never fails to make me smile and put a quick hand on my bump. After my great u/s on Friday I had a definite strut in my step. My doula came over for our second prenatal meeting yesterday and we practiced my Hypnobabies stuff during some pretend contractions in a variety of positions. It was the first time I have had to "switch off" in front of an audience, but I was pleasantly surprised by how well I was able to relax. (Of course, there weren't any actual contractions going on, but still...) I can also lean completely on my DH while standing and he has no problem holding me up for 60-90 seconds. (All his running and weight training is really paying off!) We found several very comfortable positions where I can go totally limp and let my DH bear all my weight. It was great practice and a good confidence-builder.

The doula left and I went to prenatal yoga feeling great. After class, the instructor asked me and a few other people to stay after so she could talk to us. Once everyone else had left and we were all seated, she said without preamble, "Martina [I am using a different name to protect her identity] lost her baby during childbirth." Martina was two weeks ahead of me, was at two La Leche League meetings with me, and has been in yoga class with me for the last 4-5 months. It was her first, a boy, and she was planning a homebirth and was very excited about it. She was maybe 28 to 30, so not AMA, and reported just as eagerly as everyone else about her checkups and milestones. Her pregnancy gave every indication of being normal. Needless to say, we were all stunned and shocked into silence. One of Martina's friends, also pregnant and a regular class member, stopped in before class but didn't stay (we had all wondered why) to bring the news and a card that she wanted us to sign. We passed around the card and cried for her. What do you say to a woman who joyfully carried her baby for 38+ weeks and then lost him while giving birth to him? What kind of words can you possibly offer someone who has suffered a tragedy that enormous? What agony must she feel, looking at her nursery things and her empty crib?

I cried all the way home and sobbed all over my husband for a while once I got there. I don't know Martina well and there is probably nothing else I can do for her, but the news is so shocking and so unexpected that it is hard to let go of. And it certainly puts my bitching about CYA medicine in a whole new (rather petty) light. I think I will tone down the strutting and tone up the gratitude for having a healthy baby and caregivers who are keeping an eye on things. I have no details, so I don't know if the outcome would have been any different regardless of the setting (and I also don't know if she actually did give birth at home, either--she may well have ended up at a hospital after all). Sometimes bad things just happen. But when you are that person who puts the 1 in the "1 in XXX" statistic, that is cruel comfort indeed.

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Hi Ladies!

Welcome to the Pregnant after 35 Weekly Check-In!

If you would like to be added to the check-in, just reply to this post with (and answer the questions!):

your screen name

first name (optional)

due date

sex of baby (if known, or will it be a surprise?)

**If you?re already on the list, you don?t need to give this info again**

Please let me know if you have any updates and/or edits that need to be made. Also, if I missed any births please let me know so we can celebrate with you!

Congratulations to the February/March Moms! MangomamaFL gave birth to a baby boy on 2/5/2013 at 10:32pm. He weighed 9lb and was 21in long. Gundy21 gave birth to Maximilian Gunder aka Max at 8:57am on 2/20/13. He weighed 8 lb 9 oz and was 21.25 inches long. Elocin gave birth to a baby girl, Charlotte, on 3/1/13.

Pregnant Moms by Due Date:

March 2013

Beforesunrise (Ashley) 3/1/2013 ? Boy!

rosesarepink (Rose) 3/4/2013 ? Girl!

uctracy@yahoo.com (Tracy) 3/7/2013

CountryGirlInTheCity 3/8/2013 ? Girl!

KatieKnitsny (Katie) 3/14/2013

NBBride05 3/15/2013 ? Girl!

KKGgirlATL 3/18/13 (scheduled c/s) Team Green

Cktravel 3/19/2013 ? Green

Wildflower75 (Martha) 3/20/2013 ? Team Green

MT-Head 3/22/2013 ? Boy!

Redcatz (Kirsten) 3/25/2013 ? Girl!

Dbadura01 (Deanna) 3/26/2013 ? Girl!

Haribo 3/26/2013

Coquina (Melissa) 3/30/2013

MouserNY (Monica) 3/30/2013 ? Boy!

Indyrowergirl 3/31/2013 ? Boy!

 

April 2013

Angelnumber8 (Angela) 4/04/2013

Lovelyday39 4/05/2013 ? Boy!

Elizabethnseanny (Elizabeth) 4/05/2013 - Boy!

Mishmax11 (Michelle) 4/7/2013

Danuli8 (Amanda) 4/7/2013 ? Boy!

Carol*Brady (Christine) 4/8/2013

Tcfreedom (Tiffany) 4/15/2013

Lilblt19 4/15/2013 ? Girl!

Hisbabygirl76 (Stephanie) 4/16/2013

Shellbear+ (Michelle) 4/23/2013 ? Girl!

Palamar (Chantel) 4/24/2013

Sheloveslan (Mariah) 4/27/2013

Dresch25 (Vicki) 4/29/2013 ? Team Green

Technigirl (Melissa) 4/29/2013

Ba23Ba02 (Barb) 4/29/2013 ? Team Green

Michele707 (Michele) 4/30/2013

 

May 2013

Dhreczuck 5/2/2013 ? Boy!

Jennyandjasonsbaby (Jenny) 5/5/2013

Trevinosnm (Martha) 5/7/2013 ? Boy!

TXBride (Ami) 5/12/2013

Mndyhywrd (Mindy) 5/15/2013

MotherMayEye (Amy) 5/15/2013 - Girl!

mlwinkle (Michelle) 5/17/2013

McRib 5/18/2013

Drhibbard (MC) 5/19/2013

Petrastonegirl (Petra) 5/19/2013

MrsNukem 5/20/2013 ? TWINS!!

jteneback 5/21/2013 ? Team Green

riorisa 5/22/2013

Rebaann (Rebecca) 5/23/2013 ? Girl!

Danafromslope 5/30/2013 ? TWINS!!

 

June 2013

Danieleandwayne (Dani?le) 6/4/2013 ? Team Green

1Lump (Andrea) 6/5/2013 ? Team Green

JilliansMoma 6/6/2013 ? Team Green

Daphallen (Daphne) 6/10/2013 ? Boy!

Ocho2002 6/13/2013

VisciousKnitter (Sandy) 6/15/2013

Trootie2012 (Trootie) 6/16/2013

AZAmy77 (Amy) 6/17/2013 ? Boy!

Kimmy42 (Kim) 6/18/2013 ? Girl!

Bubbleleeboo (Lisa) 6/21/2013 ? TWIN BOYS!

 

July 2013

Beach72 (Kim) 7/2/13

Karen0477 (Karen) 7/3/13

Amypep (Amy) 7/5/2013

Superzuber (Sarah) 7/9/2013

Hlhinden (Heather) 7/13/2013 ? Girl!

Bethz13 7/15/2013 ? Team Green

ASL71476 (Andrea) 7/17/2013

emikat (Christine) 7/21/2013 ? Boy!

Abeille 7/28/2013 ? Boy!

missymr (Mia) 7/29/2013 ? Boy!

honeyforlunch 7/31/2013

 

August 2013

SeaConquest (Monique) 8/1/2013 ? Boy!

Lucyspeople (Betsy) 8/8/2013 ? Boy!

Lilmrslay (Rachael) 8/9/2013

Jkzinck (Jessie) 8/10/2013

Goatgirlnyc 8/11/2013

AmyM72 (Amy) 8/22/2013

Bunnyfer (Sherri) 8/22/2013

Cali3674 (Cali) 8/25/2013 ? Team Green

Gscoville (Geneva) 8/29/2013 ? Team Green

Kestock120 (Kelly) ? 8/30/2013 ? Boy!

 

September 2013

Juicy71 (Dawn) 9/4/2013 ? Girl!

Kakhmama (Amy) 9/7/2013

Jerseymm09 (Sonia) 9/9/2013

Atlmommy (Tammy) 9/11/2013

Csh96 (Carla) 9/16/2013

Rubygirl 9/16/2013

 

October 2013

Stepharonius (Stephanie) 10/10/13

Snapdragon 10/17/2013 ? TWINS!!

Alicialgb (Alicia) 10/24/2013

 

November 2013

Suchatreat (Michelle) 11/1/2013

Nseeley (Nic) 11/2/2013

GracieBlue 11/3/2013

Hologram87 (Amy) 11/14/2013

QOTW: What do you do when the ?worry monster? shows up? How do you keep a positive focus on your pregnancy while not ignoring the realities of your individual health status and history?

Share your updates and vents:

 

lovelyday39

I am so sorry to hear that happened, how terrible We all know there are risks associated, esp at our AMA, when going into this, we just hope that never happens to us or that we'll be the "one."

And I hear you about the CYA medicine- I try real

Abeille

I am so sorry to hear about your friend.  It is so random, unpredictable, and unfair when things like this happen.

A  good friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer.  She runs half-marathons and started having pain in her h

goatgirlnyc

QOTW: That's a hard question. I worry a lot about so many things with my pregnancy. I'm 39, this is my first pregnancy after years of ttc so I'm always worried that the rug will be pulled out from under me. After reading your story about "Martina" it

technigirl

Wow, that is terrible.  I'm so sorry about your friend and her baby.    It doesn't sound like she had any real risk factors at all and it was probably just a freak thing.  I do think that in modern times we have forgotten that chi

SamanthaBaker

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.  This sounds trite, but it really drives home how precious life is for us all. 

Please add me to the list.  Due date is 07/16/2013, and we're having a boy. 

As for how I cop

TX-Bride

I am so sorry to hear about your friend!! It's terrible!

My updates:

1. I have a shower on Thursday, still don't know what to wear.

2. We are renovating a house, I can't wait for it to finish, to start setting up the nursery.</

MrsNukem

So sorry to hear about your friend.  That is the most unimaginable nightmare.  I won't feel safe until my babies are out and in my arms, but I know even then something may go wrong. 

Update:  3

Snapdragon333

I read this post this morning before I left for my second ultrasound.  Oh, my heart broke for Martina, how absolutely awful to experience that.  I am reminded to celebrate and not take ONE day for granted because I know the complications that

Alicialgb

I am so very sorry to hear about your friend.  Such a devastating loss for her and her family.  My T&P go out to them.

QOTW:  The worry monster has his own bedroom at our place.  Since losing our first, he is ever-present.

Jodiefoffel

My sister had a stillbirth at 40 weeks. Cord was around her neck 4 times. We knew she died a day before delivery. My other two sisters and I were able to be there with her for the delivery. We all held baby girl an cried with her and marveled at how perfe

supersarah77

Your friend's story is every pregnant woman's worst nightmare. Things can go wrong at every step of the way. I'm so sorry she had to go through that. It makes me appreciate every day and every time I feel my LO squirming in there.

QOTW: I'm

dhreczuck

That's so horribly tragic, T&P to your friend.

QOTW: Well I think it's obvious by the fact DH and I don't have our nursery anywhere near complete that we haven 't figured out how to deal with the worry that well. After our losses we've both

MT-Head

Sorry about your friend.  A co-worker's wife was due with her first baby about 2 or 3 weeks after I was due with mine, and when I got back from maternity leave, I asked him about their new baby and he told me that the baby didn't make it.&nbs

nseeley

QOTW: What do you do when the ?worry monster? shows up? How do you keep a positive focus on your pregnancy while not ignoring the realities of your individual health status and history?&nb

ShellBear+

That is just awful and I can't imagine what she is going through.  My heart would be breaking for her too and wanting to do something to show her that you all are thinking of her.  As I get closer to my due date I often think of late term los

suchatreat

What do you do when the ?worry monster? shows up? How do you keep a positive focus on your pregnancy while not ignoring the realities of your individual health status and history?

I don't h

jkzinck

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, it makes my heart break.
Qotw
I do worry alot especially when I have not felt the baby for a while. I know being 19 weeks you dont always feel them in there and with my first I did not even feel her unt

AmyM72

So very sorry to hear about your friend. It really does put all those little things in perspective.

QOTW: One day at a time is what I keep telling myself and that there are no guarantees with anything. My dad was diagnosed with stage 3 lung c

AZAmy77

I can't even begin to think of the heartbreak of your friend.  We had an early loss before and I've kind of felt better after we passed that milesone, just reminds you of how precious and fragile life is.

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GracieBlue

QOTW: What do you do when the ?worry monster? shows up? How do you keep a positive focus on your pregnancy while not ignoring the realities of your individual health status and history?

I had

Rubygirl

I am so sorry to hear about your friend.  It has to be an unimaginable loss.  I hope they get some answers and find comfort in friends and family.

 

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JackieA2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.  Stories like that are so frightening and sad, and I'm so sorry that she has to endure it.  My thoughts and prayers go out to her.

I'm new; please add me to your list.  I'm 37 years old and

emikat

QOTW - When the worry monster hits I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes (often) I am not able to put my fears aside.  I find myself googling and talking to every one I know.  A good friend of mine has been an excellent sounding board

danuli8

JackieA2013:

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.  Stories like that are so frightening and sad, and I'm so sorry that

danuli8

emikat:

QOTW - When the worry monster hits I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes (often) I am not able to put my fears

lilblt19

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.  On another message board I read, a woman lost her baby a few days after birth after a normal pregnancy and normal labor.  It really puts things into perspective and makes you respect how fragile the bi

irishgirl0525

danuli8:

your screen name

iris

10-4LilBuddy

Another new board member!

your screen name 10-4 Lil Buddy

first name (optional) Aileen

due date 11/12/13

sex of baby (if known, or will it be a surprise?)TWINS! No idea on gender yet.

QOTW: What do you do wh

Lilmrslay

My heart breaks for your friend, and as I sit with my hand on my belly, I am again so grateful for this little life inside of me. I just can't imagine the grief she is feeling, and hope she has good people around her to help her move through this diffi